“God, couldn’t you have given me easier boys?”
It’s a question I’ve asked God many, many times since realizing my two blessings were of the “hard-to-handle” type. So often I’ve wished He had given me easier boys, quieter boys, boys who love to read instead of run, build instead of blast.
I’ve spent time on this, you guys, questioning God’s love for me, and why He thought I could handle hard-to-handle boys when I plainly struggle in every way …
But today I want to focus less on the habits and personality of my boys, and more on my own because there comes a time when a mom has to embrace the truth of who her kids are instead of wishing they were something else.
What God Wants Us to Do with the Hard Things
Gomer was a prostitute, Hosea a prophet of God. In the Old Testament book by the same name, God tells these two to get married and allows the ensuing devastation to paint a vivid picture of His love and commitment to the nation of Israel. In the story, Gomer gives Hosea children, then betrays him, committing adultery over and over again. In a nutshell, it’s the story of how Israel turns to God, then leaves Him to follow idols, turns to God, then leaves Him to follow idols, and on and on. (It’s also an accurate portrayal of how every one of God’s children fails Him again and again, and how His love never fails us. But that’s for another day).
My gut reaction to this familiar story in the Bible is “God, why in the WORLD would You ask someone to live that kind of story just to prove something about Yourself?” It almost feels cruel, as if God created a human life—complete with feelings and limitations—just to make Himself look good. As if proving His love for Israel somehow trumped the need to be loving to Hosea.
It makes me feel like Hosea got the raw end of the deal, forced by God to spend his life chasing after a woman who embarrassed, hurt, and humiliated him over and over. My question “Why would you do that, Lord” seems legit …
But I’m learning that the better question is, “How, like Hosea, would God like to use the hard places of my life to demonstrate His love and commitment to a hurting world?“
I have hard-to-handle boys. I just do.
I can teach them, train them, and pray for them … but in the end, they’re still going to be hard-to-handle. It’s who God made them to be, and one day He’ll use it for something good (I’m believing that, mama! You with me??). This is the battle God has given me, and He wants me to fight it in a way that proves His love, character, and power to those around me.
It’s the way of the Jesus-follower. The way of the one sold out for Christ. The very definition of ambassador, representative, hands and feet of God. Jesus said, “Not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42, ESV), and calls us to follow Him.
It’s why I share challenges, hurts, and victories—so the hard places of my life can demonstrate God’s love to you, helping you believe that what He does for me, He can do for you.
Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, I didn’t sign up for this when I became a Christian. I didn’t know God would ask me to (fill in the blank with your hard thing) when I chose to follow Him. I get it, mama. I didn’t fully comprehend it either. But here’s the thing …
It’s truth. Hard but beautiful truth. We find it portrayed over and over again throughout the Bible … stories of people God used for His greater plan. Because in the end, it’s His plan that really matters. Not ours.
Maybe, just maybe, the main reason God gave me hard-to-handle boys was to prove His love to you, mama. Maybe the reason you’re enduring your hard place, whatever it is, is so you can be living proof of His unfailing love to someone else.
It really is all about Him.
If your hard thing in life is a hard-to-handle boy, stop fighting AGAINST him and fight FOR him instead.
Fight Like a Boymom (FLABM) is an exclusive program created by me, Brooke McGlothlin, and The MOB Society for moms like you. Inside, you’ll find teachings from me and experts in the field of raising boys designed to be your roadmap to raising hard-to-handle boys.
I cover topics like:
What Did I Do to Deserve Hard-To-Handle Boys?
Understanding Your Hard-to-Handle Boy
How to Show Actionable, Tangible Love to Your Hard-to-Handle Boy
Teaching Your Boys to Fight For Themselves Using the Word of God as Their Weapon
Our experts lead you in topics like:
A Grace-Filled Approach to Parenting Hard-To-Handle Boys (Jeannie Cunnion)
When You Feel Abused by Your Boys (Wendy Speake)
Safeguarding Your Marriage in a Hard-to-Handle Home (Ashley Willis)
What to Do When Your Teen Boy is STILL Hard-to-Handle (Monica Swanson)
What to Do When Things Go Wrong (David Thomas – Licensed Therapist)
Surviving Sibling Relationships in a Hard-to-Handle Home (Hal and Melanie Young)
The Importance of Praying for Boys (Brooke McGlothlin)
How to Pray When You Don’t Know What to Say (Brooke McGlothlin)
How to Control Your Emotions So They Don’t Control You (Brooke McGlothlin)
Without leaving your home, become a better mom—one who understands how to fight for the hearts of her sons.
Click here to learn more about joining this amazing course!
I LOVE this: “if you just change ONE variable in the equation, you end up with a different result”!
Thank you Brooke for this series, it’s VERY well timed 😀
Claire,
I’m so glad! I was something of a math girl in school, so equations speak to me. It’s good to know someone else gets it that way, too 😉
I know I need the how not to lose it video the most (most days).
I need it every day 😉
I desperately need the video that teaches me how to keep my cool when my boys, especially one of my three boys, won’t obey. (Though, to be honest, I need to learn how to deal with other’s expectations as well )
Right? Most of us need them both! I know I need to be constantly reminded. Hope you’re joining us!
Dear Brooke,
I joined this website because I have a son and I found many of the things that are written so encouraging and helpful (I still do!)–even though my son is not a hard-to-handle boy. When you started this series I figured I would just skim through and hopefully glean a few helpful things from it but knew it probably wouldn’t relate completely to my son. And its true, my son is just not built the same way that your sons are. However, as I am reading the things that you write, all I can think about is my daughter. She is my hard to handle child. She might be slightly different in the physicality of her “hard to handle-ness” but as I read what you write about your sons and the way that God challenged and taught you through it–it is exactly what I am dealing with my daughter. So I just wanted to say thanks and let you know that your message is universal for those of us parenting hard to handle children, whether boy or girl.
Erica,
I have had a lot of requests from moms for a similar series for their hard-to-handle girls. Unfortunately, I can’t authentically speak on that topic, because I don’t have any girls! But you’re not the first person to tell me there are overlaps between the two. I hope you’ll find value in the free video that can apply to your precious girl!
Thanks for writing about this topic. We have one child–a strong-willed boy. I am trying to learn how to discipline lovingly and effectively so we can mold his and my strong temperaments to follow after God most obediently. I’m trying to learn to focus on the positives and have a happier life together. Our challenge is most often with obedience to Mom and Dad, but we’ve also had minor issues with what others expect from our H2H boy. We are trying to learn to line up our actions and attitudes with what Jesus expects of us. Thank you for publishing Christ-centered materials to help us do this and offering support and understanding. Thank you for obeying the call of God to do what is hard, but right.
You’re welcome, Lisa! I’m so glad you can relate. I hope you’ll join us for the video series 🙂
Great topic! One of our sons has been of the more strong willed, harder to handle variety. He’s now an adult….he’s smart, a very hard worker, a loyal friend, very caring and friendly but doesnt always make choices that would bring about Gods best for him. I can say one of the greater things I’ve learned over the years is how big Gods grace is toward us and how to be a better instrument of Gods love and grace to him.
I would love to see the video How to keep from losing it when your sons won’t obey!
I Definitely need “how not to lose it when your boys don’t obey”
I would love to learn to how to be better with my boys!
You forgot the deaf/hard of hearing population. There is no captioning so we cant understand what you are saying. God wouldnt like that.
Hi Alma! We certainly aren’t intentionally excluding the deaf/hard of hearing population. We are just limited in what we can provide. We hope the posts that go along with the videos are an encouragement to you.
Hi Brooke, I’m so thankful I came across your blog and I have now signed up for your teaching series. I’ve have had enough with the outbursts of anger and impatience I have with my oldest H2H boy. I know God is calling me
into a new way I’m and ready to surrender. I want change in my reactions and with my relationship with my son. Like you said, I want to reach his heart. My greatest desire is for him to desire Jesus. I can’t wait to see how God is going to work and change me and ultimately change my son. Thank you for what you do. Watching your video brought me to tears because I feel like I have a friend in you, a perfect stranger yet someone who totally gets where I am. I can’t wait for the study to begin!
I would love to see how I can not vomit my emotions. I actually have 3 hard to handle boys and another little boy who is completely opposite of them. So it all clashes on me. I also have a daughter and oh my that makes things interesting. My oldest will be 14 in February and because of things out of my control is no longer living with me and its thrown our family for a loop. I pray your videos are a blessing that God uses so I can be the best mom for my boys. Thank you for the information.