Welcome to Titus Two Saturdays (TTS) at the MOB Society!
We know so many of you are desperately in need of an older mama to come alongside you and help you figure out how to love your husband well, serve your children, and take care of the responsibilities that come along with being a woman. Doesn’t there seem to be a shortage of godly women stepping up to this role? Well, we have brought together a team of amazing women willing to share their lives with those of us in the throes of young motherhood.
This weeks Question:
“I am a single mom of 2 boys that made some mistakes in the past. I am doing my best to keep my and my family’s relationship with God strong. I didn’t do things in the “right” order (wedding bells first, then baby shower) and I sometimes feel rejected by other moms who did do it in the right order. Are there any other single moms out there who have experienced the same? How do you respond and stay encouraged?”
Jan Skaggs
How I long to sit over a cup of coffee and hear your story! I was a single mom for almost 11 years, and the pain of brokenness is similar, even if the circumstances differ (divorce, in my case). My heart aches for you, and rejoices at the same time, because I know God is doing a mighty work in you and your family!
Remember that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God—each of us is broken. We’ve all messed up…even those who appear to do everything “in the right order.” We are all alike in our need for God’s mercy, and recognizing that need is the first step toward healing.
The good news is that God knows our mess…and he sent his Son to clean it up. The truth is that you are forgiven—completely, absolutely. Because you belong to the Lord, Jesus has dressed you in his own robes of righteousness. When God the Father looks at you, he sees you through his Son’s perfection. You must remember the truth of your position before God often, especially when feeling rejected or judged by others.
Focus on the times when you have received God’s mercy. Like Israel retelling their exodus story, remembering all the ways God has been gracious, kind and merciful to you and your family will strengthen your faith and bring hope. As God has been faithful to you in the past, so he will be faithful to you in the future.
You will have opportunities to share how you entered God’s story with others. Prayerfully and respectfully, do so. Telling of Christ’s mercy and grace to us encourages others, and helps us remember the right things.
Pray for those who reject or judge you. Extend the grace to them that has been given to you by Jesus. A great mystery of the faith is how forgiveness and prayer frees others to respond to God’s mercy and frees us from being bound by fear, anger, hurt or guilt. We are freed to live the life in Christ that God has planned for us.
I will also be praying for the Lord to provide a wise woman to mentor you in the faith and for friends who will encourage you and lift you up. Patiently wait upon him—you will see good fruit eventually!
Julie Sanders
It’s a challenge to keep our family’s relationship with God strong, but it’s a greater challenge when we experience discouragement from others while striving to do right. I’m like you (and every other mom) in that I’ve made past mistakes too, but we can find relief in knowing there is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1). It can be easy to let guilt follow us and rise up to overshadow us, but repeating this simple truth about our forgiveness in Christ will steer our thoughts toward encouragement.
I’ve never been a single mom, but I have dear loved ones and friends who are or have been. From what they’ve shared, you aren’t alone in what you’re feeling. Truth is your best weapon against these challenges: doing right after doing wrong, and doing right when feeling rejected.
You can do right after doing wrong.
Repentance is all about turning in a new direction, and God is all about enabling us to find the right direction and stay the course. All the counselors, support groups, blogs, books, and girlfriends won’t replace God’s truth when it comes to finding the way to walk out life with your boys. “Then I shall not be ashamed when I look upon all Your commandments. I shall give thanks to You with uprightness of heart, when I learn Your righteous judgments,” (Psalm 119:6-7). Learning what God has to say about being a woman, being a mom, being a family, and living in our broken world will guide you in how to keep your family’s relationship with God strong. His Spirit will give you all you need to be successful, (2 Peter 1:3). Friend, you can give your sons a heritage of righteousness!
You can do right when you feel rejected. When women are insecure or prideful, they have a way of belittling others. The truth is (There’s that need for TRUTH again!) we are all in need of God’s grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) and none of us can be a godly mom without Jesus (John 15:5). To stay encouraged when you feel rejected by others, do 3 things:
1. Stop and pray for them, because they clearly have a need.
2. Ask God to bring to mind truths of what He says about you.
3. Repeat after me (out loud), “I am the apple of God’s eye, dearly loved, accepted by the Lord, chosen as holy, growing in faith, gaining in wisdom, blessed with children, promised a future, and my name is written on the very hand of the Creator of all things.”
You’re already on the right path, because you’re striving to walk God’s way. He is doing a new thing through you, and He is most concerned about your heart now, not your past. Be encouraged that you can do right and overcome rejection!
I just wanted to say that I felt it sometimes, too, as a single mother (I’m now married). But, I also found that when I made myself vulnerable, there was much more alike in motherhood than different in singleness – more connection that difference. I hope you find more acceptance than you expect! We all have things in our lives that aren’t perfect and your singleness also makes you so interesting to the mamas who’s lives may feel predictable. Reach out, you’ll find your gang!
I wrote about it once: We’re not that different:
http://farfromflawlesslife.blogspot.com/2011/03/were-not-that-different.html
{Kathy} I grew up with a single mom who did a few things out of order, let’s say. I always knew when other families or moms “disapproved” of her. I also knew those folks who didn’t judge her — or me — for that matter. I pray that you find Chrisitan women who extend to you the same love Christ has for us. Those who don’t are not only missing out on an opportunity to love and be loved by you.