5 Reasons Why Boy Moms Need Healthy Friendships via The MOB Society
I opened the can of formula and looked around my house. Toys were strewn everywhere. Last night’s dinner dishes stared back at me from the sink and of course, my toddler was hungry. Three babies in four years had taken a toll, not to mention that we had moved to a new community just ten days before our second child was born. His brother would follow just a mere fifteen months later.
Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mom. I’m beyond thankful to be be entrusted with three little hearts to help mold and grow and I would choose to do so again and again. I won’t ever regret becoming a mother.
I didn’t expect motherhood to be easy, but I also didn’t know it would be this hard.
I was lonely. I missed my friends from home. And while I love my husband, I needed girlfriends. Girlfriends who would “get” me because we both were rowing the same boat.
It’s so easy to quickly discount our friendships when life gets hectic. We tend to shove our friendships aside when our work schedule gets too busy or the demands at home keep us from even getting a shower or when there’s a family crisis. It’s our authentic friendships, though, that will help us stand after we’ve fallen. Heart sisters pull us up even when we don’t know we’ve fallen.
And let me tell you, as the mother of two little boys (and a spunky daughter), I am so thankful to have friends who help me to know what’s normal and what isn’t. Friends who say “Me too,” or “You’ll get through it.”
Friends who “get” me.
So if you’re wondering why you even need to have friends, here are five good reasons, boy mama:
1. Friendships aren’t just good for your mental health – they’re good for your physical health, too.According to Harvard University’s popular Nurses’ Study, women who do not have a strong network of female relationships pose the same risk to their health as habitual smoking and being overweight. Those with strong friendships have lower cholesterol and lower resting heart rates, too. We don’t just want friends – we need them.
2. Our girlfriends help us know we aren’t alone. C. S. Lewis once said “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another ‘What?! You too? I thought I was the only one.” Isn’t it refreshing to know that other women have lived through toddler tantrums or the angst-filled teenage years? Doesn’t it make you exhale just a bit to know your marriage isn’t the only one that struggles now and then? Aren’t you thankful to know your child isn’t the only one who’s ever battled anxiety? When we know we aren’t alone, we see that we can do this.
3. Friends help us understand our boys. Whoever said it takes a village to raise our children is correct. I am so thankful for my heart sisters who have sons because I can ask them if it’s normal for my sons to not ever want to take a shower or for them to despise having to write a story for homework or should they really be this loud? Boy stereotypes? Maybe. But it’s truth in our house. And since I am not of the male species and I don’t have a brother, boy behavior sometimes baffles me.
4. Our husbands won’t always understand where we’re coming from. Yes, some men are better at this than others. But let’s just be honest and admit . . . there are some things they just aren’t going to understand because they don’t think from the perspective of a woman – just like we don’t think from a perspective of a man.
5. We need to replace competition with camaraderie. It seems like our culture loves to glamorize catty behavior through television programs like “The Housewives of Wherever” and the reality show of the day. When we watch shows like this and read books and magazines with the same message, we start to subconsciously accept this kind of behavior and eventually, we expect this kind of behavior. If we truly want to change the culture of women, then we will need to replace competition with camaraderie. Don’t we want our boys to see women coming alongside one another instead of tearing each other apart?
I would love to share my new book, Heart Sisters: Be the Friend You Want to Have, with you. I’m giving away five copies to M.O.B. readers . . . Just tell us in the comment section why you need girlfriends and you’ll be registered to win. Winners will be announced in two days on our Facebook page!
As a missionary living overseas, it has been challenging to stay connected to friends from home and then to also connect with new friends on the field. We also did not expect to have children and then we were blessed with our son as we were serving on the field !! I have been praying a prayer to connect with others and I know it really does start with my perspective and effort !
I need girlfriends because I don’t feel understood by all these guys in my life. Plus it’s nice to know that I’m not the only “party police” or “suck the fun out of it” mom.
I would love to win this book. We moved to allow me to stay home with my three boys when my youngest was born 8 years ago. In all those years, I have failed to find a friend. It is a deep ache and a constant prayer request. We moved to a small farming community and there is a prevalent “outsiders” mentality. I attempted to join a local Bible study and they changed the set up to move from home to home and no longer offer child care (an absolute requirement since I had no sitter). One woman mentioned a book club and when I asked for info, she said it was a “closed group.” Time after time doors have been shut in my face and I could really use the encouragement of this book so as not to simply give up entirely, because it truly is a basic need.
I am so grateful for my friends. They keep me grounded, share laughter and tears, and round-out my life. I cannot imagine life without them! I don’t see my friends often because we are all over the country, but when I do, it is priceless time for me.
Oh my goodness, thank you for this. I needed this right now. My husband and myself have totally been not seeing eye to eye on raising our son. We have 3 daughters and a son and it’s amazing how different they all are. I went right to my friends of course and spilled our issues with my son and knowing they are there for me, praying and sharing their stories and offering a shoulder to lean on means the world. Sure I enjoy talking to my husband and sharing with him, but you said it in this post. It’s just not the same. I need my friends through it all.
Oh I can’t wait to read this. I have 4 boys under 7, and they demand a lot (actually all) my time. Its a rare moment that I get to visit with some other moms, and its so refreshing….gives me that recharge I need to continue thriugh this tough trek of motherhood.
I need this book! I was raised with five brothers. Now I have five sons ages 13 down to 5 (no daughters) and even my dog is a male. I love and value my female friends probably more than most ;).
I would love this book! I don’t have many close friends, I am somewhat anxious about developing close friendships, and I feel lonely. I know I need to get out there and be confident, just need to work on that part of my life…
For the five above and the countless others throughout my day, I am soo grateful for my mommy friends. They are in the same boat. And our sisterhood is strong. Tied by cords of faith, prayer, shared joys and struggles, these women are a blessing and resource to my life. 🙂 I hope I win a book. I would love to share it in our book club. 🙂
I am a single Mom of 2 boys 1 who is Autistic and between work and them I don’t have much time for friends. The time I do spend with girlfriends I feel encouraged and refreshed. That is why I need them.
It is funny that this was the topic today. I have been struggling so much with friends that are not walking the same difficult path I am and we can’t seem to connect anymore. Thankfully God is good and has sent two amazing families (moms) into my life that are literally fountains of refreshment for me just when I needed it most. As an identical twin, I have never felt the NEED to have good girlfriends, I have the best girlfriend anyone can ever need but as the military has us separated for now, we both could use some friends close to us that are walking the way with us. A long and narrow road could use a friend or two to walk beside you when it feels lonely and desolate. They take the narrow spots and make them seem a little wider and far worth the effort. That is why I NEED girlfriends. Walk with me when it seems like I am the only one and make me see that the road is NOT as lonely as I once thought it might be.
It’s so good to read this post! I recently heard a podcast where you were a guest, and the term “heart sister” struck a cord with me. I’ve realized recently that i’m lonely. I’m a mom to three – 2 boys and a girl – and a former military wife. For the first seven years of marriage, we moved a lot and my husband deployed four times. I was so used to picking up and moving that I didn’t allow people in my heart, and I realize now how lonely this is. I used to think I was protecting myself from getting hurt, but now the loneliness hurts. I long for a few heart sisters and would love a copy of your book.
We need girlfriends I believe because God created us that way. With a need for fellowship, friendship and faith along with family.
The “friends” thing is tough for me right now – we have moved a lot also (I read all the other comments so far and completely ache with those of you who are lonely). In every place we’ve lived, the Lord has gifted me with at least one super amazing friend… but not this last time. We’ve been here almost 4 years and, while there are nice people here, and acquaintances, and people from church, etc., I still don’t have a soul sister in this place. It is lonely, and I crave just ONE dear friend to walk alongside me in person. I think we all need that to help sharpen us and challenge us and encourage us.
I just moved in October and I feel so alone when it comes to my life and boys. I am the only girl in my house and it sucks. I used to have all girl friends but when I moved I became 4 hours away from anyone I knew. Sad and lonely! :'(
This has been on my mind and in my heart for awhile. I moved a few years ago to another state from the one I grew up in and while I have some acquaintances, there is no one I can actually call a friend. Not anyone I could call and vent when having a bad day or meet for coffee or invite to go shopping with. My family is in another state too and while my mom visits as often as she can, it’s still very lonely for me. I have two sons and a husband so I am outnumbered in the house and definitely feel the void. Also the acquaintances are not women of faith so I am very lacking in having anyone to keep me accountable and strong when it come to faith.
I have always struggled with meaningful, healthy friendships. I’ve gotten along ok without them so far, but now with two small children I feel like my ship is sinking and a friend would be the life raft I need! But at 32, I have no idea how to go about making friends. It’s sad really! I would love you read your book. Thank you for this post!
And let me tell you, as the mother of two little boys (and a spunky daughter), I am so thankful to have friends who help me to know what’s normal and what isn’t. Friends who say “Me too,” or “You’ll get through it.”
The above couple sentences sums up my situation and I have worked so hard in the last few years to make sure I am surrounding myself with people that do not have expectations of me as a mom and friend that I just cannot be without taking away from my family. UGH Thanks so much for this post – surely needed to read this.
I too have two boys and a girl. (The girl is more rambunctious than both boys combined.) Honestly, I never even leave the house other than taking my oldest to school. I live eight hours away from my mom, and my husband works full days. I keep in touch pretty well with friends from my hometown, but Facebook and phone calls just aren’t the same as real life interactions with people who care about each other.
If anyone needs a friend, its this gal.
My girlfriends point me to Jesus and keep me sane :).
My whole life I’ve struggled to make friends, until I became a mom. There is something about that special bond that makes friendship possible. I’ll be forever thankful for the MOPS group at my church for introducing me to women who accept me for who I am, keep me sane, and point me to Jesus.
I became friends with women from a preschool that had sons there! Most of these go to different kindergartens, but we have signed them up on the same sport teams to keep them knowing each other. We caught up with each other at games and practices and at the gym. We talk about everything!
I have 4 wonderful sons that I thank the Lord for everyday and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, I also was the only daughter in a family of 5 so female friends have always been so limited for me. I am blessed to have coworkers and church moms that are also moms of all boys and cherish the moments I have with them! This really caught my eye when it popped up on FB – thank you!
Why I need girl friends…where do I start? In the last 2 years, all my close friends have moved out of state. Yeah. It’s sucked. And while I have female friends and acquaintances, I have not yet found any new kindred spirits. I miss having that desperately. So…why do I need girl friends – I suppose I just DO. 🙂
I need girlfriends to help me feel supported and to encourage me when I just want to curl up in a ball and stay there. I have very good friends, but they live so far away…it’s not easy to just meet for coffee when they live so far. I am still on the lookout for a kindred spirit that actually lives close and actually pursues our friendship as much as I would. When I am getting to know new friends, I always feel like I am not as important to them as they are to me.
I think you really nailed it with these reasons!One thing that I really love about getting together with other moms, is the laughter. It’s so much fun to tell stories about your kids to other moms, and have a good laugh about it. Stories about your kids being naughty, mischevious, clever, and difficult, can eventually become really hilarious! Many studies have proven how healthy laughter is, in so many ways, and it’s so obvious.
As boy moms, let’s face it. A few times a week, our boys leave us saying to ourselves, “what we’re thinking?!?”. And then a quiet voice of reason whispers back, “they weren’t”.
It’s also a great way to get to that place of knowing you’re definitely not alone. It’s much easier to laugh about the new artwork all over your sons walls, that he did during nap time, when another mom can say that has happened to her too, except he ate most of the crayon as well!
Little disasters are much easier to handle after you’ve cleaned up the mess, or after he has apologized, or after you know he is safe, and you accept the loss and get over it. Laughing helps get you there, and having friends to talk to, get you there even faster.
I loved this post! I have a couple of girlfriends who are really friends, kindred spirits, as so many ladies have said (who knew there were so many Anne fans out there! 😉 ). They are the kind of friends with whom you can pick up like it’s only been a day since your last conversation. This is good because we don’t live that close together! I really enjoy the fellowship because they are the only friends with whom I have genuine conversations on faith and living it out, and they are so refreshing to me!
Loved this article, Natalie! Thank you 🙂 We just moved to a new state, city and place AND are homeschooling right now. My house full of guys are all introverts while I am, yes—you guessed it—an extrovert = LONE.LI.NESS! 😉 Would love during this “dry season” of friendships, to read up and prepare myself to be a better friend.P.S. Any follow up articles on how to help our sons be better guy friends would be awesome! :))))