How Do I Raise a Son?

Or the last two years.

Two and a half years before, we lost our second child, our daughter Naomi, at eighteen weeks gestation.  Another miscarriage followed eight months later, and another one six months after that, and then a whole year of nothing, until my pregnancy test four months before revealed the word I had thought would never again be mine.  Pregnant.

Now, with the word “boy” staring me in the face, I realized that although I was thankful for this miracle, I had no idea how to raise a boy.  My daughter was three years old and I was very comfortable raising a girl.  I liked inside activities, quiet music, and better-safe-than-sorry.  The boy moms I knew were constantly telling me stories featuring dirt, critters, and trips to the emergency room.  What was God thinking, giving me a boy?

That same question echoed in my mind in the months leading up to my son’s birth.  I could ignore it for a time, since boy babies are not THAT different from girl babies, but as he has moved from babyhood to toddler hood, the question has begun ringing louder.  How do I raise a son?

Then I read Proverbs 31 as I’ve done countless times before. Only this time, instead of starting with verse 10 about the excellent wife, I started at verse one, with King Lemuel’s mother.  And there I found my calling – actually four callings – as I mother my son.

I am called to love my son.  King Lemuel’s mother gushes in verse one, “My son…o son of my womb…son of my vows.”  Her love comes through loud and clear, as should mine.  From his time in my womb until I draw my last breath, my son needs to know that his mother loves him, forever and ever.

I am called to pray for my son.  Depending on the Bible translation, the last part of verse one can be rendered as either “son of my vows” or “son of my prayers”.  I wonder if King Lemuel’s mother was like Hannah of old, or like me, desperately longing for a child to call her own, praying and begging God to fill her womb with life again. “God, if you will only give me a baby, I’ll raise him to know you!”  How many times did I pray for the son I now have?  And how much more should I continue to pray for him, through all stages of his life?

I am called to inspire my son.  King Lemuel’s mother wastes no time warning her son about the dangers of women and wine.  Why?  Because he was the king with great responsibilities: to administer justice, to stand up for the rights of the oppressed and the afflicted and needy.  I need to inspire my son to greatness in a similar way – by helping him see who he is, and Whose he is, reminding him that God has him here for a purpose – to serve the Lord and bring Him glory, and to serve those who God brings across his path.  He is no ordinary boy, but a child of the King!  Don’t get distracted, Son!  Live up to your calling!

I am called to prepare my son for adulthood.  The next twenty-one verses are “the” Proverbs 31 verses about an excellent wife, and I believe my final calling is to prepare my son to be worthy of a Proverbs 31 woman – or whatever other future God has for him.  Sprinkled throughout this passage are tidbits describing the husband of this woman.  He has respect and confidence in his wife, he takes his community responsibilities seriously, and he is liberal with his praise of her.  I can prepare my son for his adult responsibilities by the way I expect him to interact with me, with his sister, and with other women, by encouraging his leadership skills, and by modeling how to serve his community and how to encourage others through his words.

Love him.  Pray for him.  Inspire him.  Prepare him. The words of one long-ago mother to her son, the king, give me hope that I can also raise a royal son – even if the road ahead is marked with dirt, critters, and a trip or two to the ER.

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Growing up as an Air Force brat, Kristi Bothur claims any place where she lives more than six months as “home.”  She and her husband now live in South Carolina, where they met in seminary over ten years ago.  Kristi is a pastor’s wife, a stay-at-home homschooling mom to her five-year-old daughter and one-year-old son, and the founder of Naomi’s Circle, a ministry to parents who have experienced the loss of a baby during pregnancy or infancy.  She blogs at This Side of Heaven and is a contributing editor to the e-devotional, Rainbows and Redemption: Encouragement for the Journey of Pregnancy After Loss.

Throughout the month of November, we want to thank you, our faithful readers, for sticking by us as we worked through the rebuild of our site. In addition to giveaways, we are also thankful to our contributor, Franchesca Cox of Small Bird Studios, for providing free printables that we can share with you. Enjoy, and thank you for your support!