Technology.

Remember what it used to consist of? I do. For me, it involved sitting down at my Commodore 64 and typing in a bunch of DOS codes in order to access my software. It meant floppy disks, incredibly loud dot matrix printers, and the use of a joystick in order to play computer games (which would always cause my eyes to cross after focusing on those one-dimensional images for too long).  As a kid, technology was primitive at best, right?

But not anymore.

These days we’re raising our children in the midst of technology-driven world.  From social media to online gaming sites, from cell phones to Ipads, it’s a completely different environment from the one we grew up in. It’s crazy! But as out of control as this realm appears to have become, it’s our job as parents to figure out how to navigate it. And it’s a domain that often times, many of us don’t completely understand ourselves.

So, how can we protect our kids?

As a mom to two boys (ages four and eight), let me just tell you that I have certainly struggled with this issue as of late. Thankfully, my youngest son has yet to show an interest in the computer (unless it’s to participate in an Elmo adventure or two), but my eldest boy? Well, he’s reached the age of Internet exploration. He’s looking to check out the latest and greatest in Tech Deck tutorials on You Tube and the likes. He’s interested in playing games, watching skateboarding videos, and discovering the most up-to-date tricks he can perform on his BMX bike. His motives are innocent, but the playing field in which he’s toying with is definitely not.

You see it just takes a second, just one wrong peck on the keyboard and boom(!), your boy has the potential of being thrust into a very adult world. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard way (a few months back) after allowing my pre-tween to access You Tube. Rather than learning of a new bike trick,  he was introduced to pornography instead. Yep. He involuntarily stumbled upon (and into) a world I never wanted him to know about.

Sigh.

Gosh, my anxiety creeps up and in each time I recollect this incident. It’s upsetting, it’s infuriating…but as a mom what I’ve realized from this instance is that I’ve got to do a better job of protecting him from such images. It’s up to me to safeguard my electronic devices, implement better guidelines, and prep my kids against the harm that lurks there, waiting to be discovered.

Here are a few suggestions that you and your family can apply in order to promote safer technology practices both in and outside of your home:

1.)  Computer Central: Move your computer to a central location within your home. Get it out of the back room or office and put it in a place where your family spends most of its time. If you have an Ipad or Kindle, the same thing applies. Make sure your computer and the technology your kids are accessing are within your sights and being monitored…often.

2.)  Get Guidelines: Whether it’s the Ipad, the cell phone, or the family computer, make sure you have a list of rules that each of your children are aware of (and agree to abide by) when it comes to their use of technology. Stick to these guidelines, continue to monitor their internet activity diligently, and don’t waiver.

3.)  When the Kids are Away…yes, they may just play. Make sure that you are in communication with your children’s friends (and their parents). If your son’s headed over for a sleepover (or to play at a friend’s house), insist that they’re not allowed to use the computer unless an adult is present. Keep communication lines open with your children and the parents of their friends at all times because when it comes to Internet safety, being known as the super strict parent isn’t such a bad thing, eh?  And it’s always better to be safe rather than sorry. Basically, you need to make sure that your preferences are known and respected. Period.

4.)  Talk Amongst Yourselves: There are a number of parental controls/software you can install on your computer (have you checked out http://www.covenanteyes.com yet?), but why not go one step further? Discuss (in an age-appropriate manner) some of the activity that transpires on the Internet, why it’s necessary to implement rules for their safety, etc.  Help them to understand the need for such things. Check out these resources to assist you:

http://www.nap.edu/netsafekids/pro_set_guidelines.html

http://www.nap.edu/netsafekids/pro_sh.html

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/552

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/542

5.)  Sign Says: This idea comes directly from my pastor and is one I’ve deemed too clever not to pass on. Make a small plaquard for every technological device in your home and inscribe it with the following message:

“Would Jesus watch this with you?”

Not only will this help our children to really think about their choices, but it will also serve as a great reminder (to all of us) in helping to limit what we watch on television, and what we’re dialed into on the Internet. Accountability, my dear friends.

So now it’s your turn, moms. Tell me, what have you found to be successful as far as monitoring your child’s online activity? What do you still struggle with?
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Okay, so as many of you know I love movies! And what I love EVEN more than movies is MOVIE NIGHTS!

I think movies and stories have the power to inspire touch and reveal truth in ways almost nothing else can. I can remember as a young boy watching the screen as my favorite hero’s (Superman) would come to life. Immediately a spark was lit in me to emulate and be like the Hero I was watching.

Obviously, movies are powerful. So that being said, filtering what goes into the hearts and minds of your boys is very important! BUT what an amazingly fun way to spend time as a family, while encouraging the dreams and imaginations God gave your boys!

I grew up in a family that didn’t just sit and watch a movie together, we made our movie nights an ordeal. And I loved that!

SOO, let me let you in on how we made our ordinary nights into memories!

The first thing to do in making a perfect movie night, is NOT the finding the right movie…SHOCK…

It’s the food.

I know, right? Whod’a thunk it? (we did). As far as what food, we usually did buffet style of any kind of crowd pleaser, or family favorite (I’ll let you fill in the blank). Once each and every Clarkson plate was full to the brim with homemade (sometimes ordered out) of our favorite family treats, and we each found our assigned seating sprawled across the living room…we began…

We would dim the lights to the perfect setting (a much more important task than you might guess), finding the the perfect balance of- light enough to ensure your eating safety, but just dark enough to give it that theatre feel.

Then when the lights were set came the debate about who gets to get up and push the play button (usually the last person to sit down, it’s the rules). Then the movie begins.

For the next act (intermission) of our movie night we had (yes you guessed it) food-time again. Don’t judge. But I’m sure you have been there too. After an hour of an intense emotional rides, we became a little weary and dessert was the only remedy. Also, with the movie on pause, it gives all members of the family to give opinions of the story thus far, argue over who is REALLY the bad guy and take bets about what the ending will look like.

The Discussion

Then finally we reach the end of the movie, but by no means does that mean the end of movie night. It is now time for “The Discussion.” This was the time that my parents thought was valuable for us all to sit and talk about what we had just seen, encouraging us to go over what we thought about the messages that had been presented, if we thought they honored God and ways we would have written/acted/scored the film differently. This aspect of movie night has accounted for hours, and days of my life spent in discussion, and what I think to this day makes me not just simply ingest media but dissect it and find ways to make it better!

So there we have the beginnings to a wonderful family night in. 

“But hold on Nathan,” you might say, “what about the actual ‘MOVIE’ in movie night?”

Well, this is (next to the food choice) the most important aspect of the night. Movie selection can make or break the movie night, it can inspire life long inside jokes and conversation, or can make for awkward after movie talks about why you shouldn’t do what the main characters in the film did.

SO in picking your family night movie you might want to consider these three things…

FIRST, find something age appropriate for everyone watching.

SECOND, get something that will inspire either memories of laughter OR a good discussion starter for the topics presented! I don’t know about you MOBS but my mom never passed up a chance to pull a lesson and bible comparison from anything!

THIRD, if you are having trouble discerning if a movie is worth watching you can always match it against the go to verse of “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” ~Philippians 4:8

Remember movie nights aren’t just a short time you can cross off the list of “spending time with the fam” but instead can be times memories are created and heros inspired. I still to this day remember sitting with my entire family and watching Lord of the Rings for the first time, or talking about how The Truman Show reflected the Christian walk, or just laughing uncontrollably at The Incredibles!

SO when sitting at your families next movie night, make sure to not just watch a movie, but rather create a memory!

I would love to hear all about your family’s traditions and any fun tips you can add on making movie night a hit!

Looking forward to reading all the awesome suggestions and stories!

-Nathan

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Right now (as many of you know) Nathan is in the midst of creating his first feature length movie! A modern version of the Prodigal Son entitled Confessions of a Prodigal Son. If you would like to follow or join Nathan on his journey visit -

www.ConfessionsOfAProdigalSon.com

Or get the latest updates on the project by ‘Liking” the Facebook page at -

https://www.facebook.com/ConfessionsOfAProdigalSon?ref=hl

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Are you on Pinterest? We are too! Follow Raising Boys Media, your online source for all things BOY!

With four boys at home, I am only too familiar with the issues of sibling squabbles, rivalry, and (ok, I’ll say it–) full-on fighting.  None of us like it, and we work hard to avoid it.  We have always taught our boys to get along, and work out their own differences.

And usually, they are the best of friends.

But not always.

If you’ve mastered the art of having kids who get along perfectly all of the time, you are my hero.  Please write a book.

But for the rest of us, I thought I would share a few of our most successful strategies for what to do WHEN THE BOYS AREN’T GETTING ALONG.  I’m not referring to the times where someone is clearly in the wrong and needs to be disciplined. I’m talking more about those times where everyone is rubbing each other the wrong way, and something NEEDS to be done…

The days where they’re just together a little too much.

The long car rides.

The days where someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or the little brother is just TOO ANNOYING, or the big brother is just SICK OF EVERYONE.

Here’s my top three tools:

1.  CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT:  Often my boys end up on each other’s nerves when they’re just doing something for too long.  Playing a game (video games are notorious for this,) or even in one room for too long.  If the squabbling begins, I have found that quickly changing the environment is super helpful.  Move everyone OUTSIDE if possible.  Or into a different room.  Blast some cheerful (or worship,) music, or prepare a snack.  A change of activity and scenery usually nips the sour moods in the bud.

2.  MAKE THEM MAKE UP:  (this one doubles as parental entertainment.)  You must use your own good judgement for this one.  It only works in certain situations, but trust me, when it works, it is GOLDEN.  Sometimes when my two “middles” are bickering like crazy, I will very seriously pull them aside.  As they await firm consequences, or (much worse,) another drawn-out mom lecture, I instead say:  Give each other a big hug RIGHT NOW.”  They usually bust out laughing, and that alone might be enough.  But I follow through and make them make up. (Literally.)

3.  GIVE THEM SPACE:  I don’t know about you, but out of my DESIRE to make kids get along, I can often overlook the obvious.  I sometimes try so hard to FORCE the boys to work things out, when wisdom would be to just give them some space from one another.  I have tried hard to do our homeschooling all together in ONE room, daily frustrated with boys who are either picking on each other or (better, but still a challenge,) having TOO much fun.  In my hard-headed determination, I didn’t even consider putting boys in different spaces for at least part of their school day.  Since I’ve tried that, our day is so much better!  Why didn’t I try it sooner!?

This principle can be applied to rainy days, holidays, or any other time the kids are just together TOO MUCH.   Some time away from one another can work wonders.  If one or more of the kids can go play at a friend or relative’s house for awhile, all the better!

As long as our kids are kids…or HUMAN for that matter, getting along will be challenging.  We can do everything in our power to encourage peace and harmony, but if we are realistic, there will still be days that are just ROUGH.

How do you best manage things when your boys are pushing each other’s buttons?  Do you have any great ideas or tools to share?  We would all love to hear!!

Aloha!
Monica (www.thegrommom.com)

PS   Another MOBsociety post on this subject–with great thoughts and also some helpful ideas in the comments:  How to Raise Brothers That Remain Friends.

One of the best things about being a mom (and the moments I truly live for), are when I get to snuggle up close to one of my children, and take in all their sweetness. It’s one of those blessings in life that you just can’t place a price tag on, right? But as time has begun to pass, and as my children have started getting older, I’ve realized that they’re reaching the pivotal stage where moments like these are going to be few and far between.

Basically, I’m getting all that I can for as long as I can.

You see, as the mom of two boys (and a daughter), I’m all too familiar with the fact that those sweet times I’m speaking of can be taken away in an instant…from right under my very nose in fact. Yep. Sometimes (well, make that a lot of times), little boys don’t always mind their manners:

“Gas leaks” occur, burps get exerted, armpit noises are made, noses get picked and “adjustments” take place, as we can’t help but cringe (in the midst of gasping for air).

So, when little boys struggle with their manners, what are moms like us supposed to do?

Well, other than scolding your child,  running for the can of Lysol, fleeing from embarassment, or gagging from the horrific smell now emanating from that kid of yours, there are a few steps you can take to ensure that your son understands just how important possessing a set of manners can be (both in the the present and for the future).

Here are some tips to help your boy realize the importance of minding his manners:

1.) Visual Imagery: Most boys tend to have a role model. Whether it’s a celebrity, an athlete, or just someone they know and admire, our sons have men they look up to. More than likely, if one of these people were in the same room as your boy, he’d want to be on his best behavior, right?  Well, if your son’s old enough to understand this metaphor, then ask him if he would act the same way if _______(enter famous guy), was standing right next to him. Might he deem it a bad idea to continue burping his own rendition of the ABC’s if this were the case? Would he dare release those afore-mentioned odors? Probably not. Give it a shot and see if it works.

2.) Give Him Guidelines: We all know that gas happens (to some of us more often than others). Instruct your son that should the need arise to relieve himself (make that, when the need arises), that he should probably head to the bathroom instead of releasing it wherever he pleases. Let him  know that this is the polite thing to do and that others (like the whole general population of people), would definitely appreciate his efforts to do so.

3.) Beware of Food Triggers:  Many of our kiddos have food triggers that cause their digestive systems to work overtime (and release the toxins I’m talkin’ about). For some kids, it might be eggs, broccoli, nuts or dairy. Whichever trigger your son might possess, do yourself a favor and try to reduce your child’s intake of them. Better yet, talk to your pediatrician and ask what can be done to ease these symptoms and help both of you in the process.

4.) Not in Public: Aside from gas, having sons also means having to deal with “adjustment issues.” Most boys don’t care where they are, nor whom they’re with. In fact, most boys could care less as to what happens in public at all, and whether they’re in possession of the manners you’d like them to use.  This means that we’ve got to consistently follow through with our teachings, no matter how old it gets. Instruct your boys that adjusting themselves in public (especially prior to shaking someone else’s hand), is kind of inappropriate. Let them know that the restroom is the best place to take care of such an issue and that you’d be more than willing to escort them there if need be.

5.) Getting Social: If you’ve reached your limit, or feel as though the message you’re preaching has officially fallen upon deaf ears, how about enlisting some back-up?  More than likely, the area in which you live has the option of enrolling your child(ren) in a social etiquette class. It’s there that they’ll learn everything from how to act at the dinner table, to resisting the urge to pass gas publicly. Hey, your boys may not appreciate this type of education but a mom’s gotta do, what a mom’s gotta do, right? Check out the local list of activities and classes offered near you, and if need be-get that boy of yours enrolled and on his way to better manners today.

Want additional information on how to deal with these issues (and more)?  Check out the following literature:

Books:

The Gas We Pass

Boys and Manners: 104 Things Your Boys NEED to Know

A Little Book of Manners for Boys

How Rude! The Teenagers Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior,  and Not Grossing People Out

Dude, That’s Rude: Get Some Manners

Articles:

10 Great Tips for Teaching Kids Manners

What to do About Burping, Farting and Nose-Picking

Snot, Farts, and Other Obscenities

How about you, ladies? In what ways have you dealt with your son’s “issues?” What works and what doesn’t when teaching your boy about minding his manners?