We’ve been having a bunch of fun with this fill in the blank question on our MOB Society Facebook page over the last few months. So much fun, that we thought it might be a great idea to make it a regular attraction here on the blog! Every mom has something to say about raising boys, and we’d love to laugh out loud as we read yours. So without further ado…may we introduce our new monthly theme?
You know you’re a boy mom when you say things like (fill in the blank!):
Go ahead moms!
Let’s laugh our way through Tuesday and share our best family-friendly funny things we’ve said recently that just prove we’re boy moms (and proud of it!). We can’t wait to read these comments!
*******
(P.S. After you’ve made us all snort up our coffee with your boy funny in the comments, hope over to The Better Mom, where I’m reminding mamas that God knows and prays for you by name).
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232 Responses
“If you climbed up there by yourself, you can find your own way down!” ~ Mother of 5yo male triplets
Sheena @ An Imperfect Life´s last [type] ..Counting My Blessings: 950 to 970
“Why are there Legos in my shoes?”
Please don’t jump off the roof of the garage anymore onto the trampoline…
Please throw the baseballs AWAY from the house…
Mother of three adult sons and grandmother to three rambunctious fun boys!!
do not wash your hands in the bidet (living abroad)!
“stop playing with that thing or it’s gonna fall off!”
Today is the last day I want to see you wearing those shirts, 3 days in a row is enough, they need a wash!
Mother of 3 boys and a little girl/tomboy
Melanie Grant´s last [type] ..Family Life: Why family traditions are important
“The poop belongs in the potty, son. It’s not play doh.”
“Is that a battery in my coffee?”
“Are we out of Tylenol again?”
“I hope the underwear on your head is clean!”
“Get a Poptart and quit stabbing your brother.”
“Put your pants on, take the underwear off your head, and stop hitting your brother.”
Amanda´s last [type] ..Time To Refocus
I don’t need to know you farted or how bad it smells!
You know you’re a boy mom when you say things like,
“We are not shooting fireballs at anyone today!”
Did you just wipe a boogie on the couch?
no, you can’t put a fork in your sister’s hair. yes, it probably would stick in the curls. still no.
Don’t hit your brother in the private area with your hammer…he has bullets shoved in his underwear!! (A foam hammer and foam dart bullets of course!).
Could we PLEASE get through just ONE meal without someone mentioning bodily functions?
No, I don’t think squirrel fur will make good underwear.
If you want to bring that dead animal in here, you need to clean and skin it first.
No you may not try that again from higher up!
“If you all agree to wrestle and it ends in crying, I don’t wanna hear it.”
“Yes, y’all can go dig a hole in the ditch.”
“Yes, y’all can wear your helmets in the house.”(mumbling to myself: it’s probably a good idea)
Get off of the baby, he’s not a horse!
Forks are for eating, not for stabbing!
“Come here, let me put your diaper on”
“Yes, I see you, now get down”
“Don’t pee pee on the floor”
If you touch your brother again you are grounded for LIFE
You are now grounded from opening and closing doors until further notice
WE are right next you…must you yell?
NO I dont think changing the words to jingle bells and adding poop is a good idea…funny but not a good idea
You know you are a boy mom when… you discover all your tampons are missing and they have been used for dynamite..
We don’t hang hangers from our pee pee!
You all stole half of my lines! :p
While in the checkout lane I say, “Yes, I know you have to use the bathroom. Can you please just hold it a little while longer? And please don’t yell anymore that your pee pee is getting bigger!”
Julie´s last [type] ..Join Us for a Fun Night!
“No, that is NOT a football-we do not throw mustard in the house!”
“Take it outside”
“Why do you wear socks and underwear for days at a time and feel the need to put your church pants in the dirty clothes after wearing them for less than 2 hours!!!”
“Did you wash your hands? Did you turn off the light? Did you wipe your butt?”
“No it is no appropriate to say a berry dropped from your twig and berries.”
Mother to 3 boys with another on the way…
Get the French fries out of your nose!
“No, it’s not cool that your armpits smell like McDonald’s fries”
“One day, you will appreciate having 3 sisters”
“Please get out of the tree – it is not a diving board into the pool”
“It really does not take 20 minutes to take a poop”
Flush and wash! (3 boys, must say this 20 times a day!)
“Did you fart or did your sister poop in her diaper (it is starting to smell exactly the same)?”
Stop eating that styrofoam!!! To which he giggles and continues to eat said styrofoam
Please get your head out of the toilet.
It’s not a race.
If you pee on floor, you have to tell Mommy so I don’t step in it with my socks.
“My yard is going to look great when they’re older.” (free landscaping)
“Brothers don’t hurt brothers.”
“NO!”
“BOYS!”
Would you sit down?! I don’t have time for an ER trip just because you think cart surfing is a good idea!
No, your baby sister doesn’t need to know how to whistle incase she gets lost. Wait, why would your sister be lost?
No, you cannot have a rock wall on the outside of the house so you can get to the roof easier.
*mother of a 4 1/2 year old boy*
No, son, we can’t take the engine out of the car and put it in the go-cart.
Boys- Mom, don’t drink the yellow drink in the fridge.
Me- Ok. Wait… we don’t have any yellow drinks in the fridge.
Yes, you can guess what they filled water bottles with …. just because they are boys and they can.
Oh I seriously couldn’t stop laughing about the poop and battery comment!
Don’t put your head there. You will be sad if your head got stuck there.
Wait, why are you bleeding?
Let’s play the “quiet game”.
You may not shoot any member of this family. Ever. You may shoot your friends, but only if they are also armed and you are both wearing eye protection.
Yes, robot monkeys are cool. No, you may not get a real monkey for a pet.
Mrs. Random´s last [type] ..Last Minute Chili
“Would you all get the guns out of the kitchen?!”
“No, I will not cook the squirrels for you. You kill it, you cook it.”
Running a daycare I repeat these a lot everyday-
Hands to yourself
Boys leave the girls alone- they don’t want to be eaten by dinosaurs everyday.
Wips, Flush, Wash
Cover your cough and sneeze
boys the baby dolls are not bait for hunting they are for the girls now leave them alone-
sit on your bumpers
no climbing on ANYTHING in my house
keep your hands out of your pants
no hitting in the private parts
EAT
AND the stories I hear at daycare are unbelievable!!!
“No you may not take pictures of your butt with my iPhone!!” (4.5 y/o)
“Stop! Don’t jump out that window!!! Oh, you were trying to pee out it? Well don’t do that either.” (4.5 y/o)
“Please take your finger out of my nose.” (2.5 y/o)
Are those underwear clean? They look like the same pair from yesterday…do i need to smell them? (I VOWED ID NEVER DO THAT AND WONDERED WHY PEOPLE DID???NOW I KNOW) stop showing your sisters your butt. Can we please stop talking about poop………. mother of a 7 year old boy and two girls
“Do not shoot your brother in church!” (finger guns)
“Is someone bleeding? Is property damaged? Go back and play.”
Can we please eat dinner one time without you doing that.
It is not ok to pull your pants down at the park and pee under the playground equipment.
Put it away, it is not a toy.
Wipe, flush, and wash, buddy.
Didn’t I tell you to put clean underwear on?
We do not drink from mud puddles.
Don’t pee in the sink!
Mom of 2 boys, 3 and 5, another boy on the way!
Oh and my favorite for my 10 year old boy at dinner time (as his face is down at the level of his plate) “Please bring your food to your face, not your face to your food.”
Do you live in my house?;)
You do not have to tell everyone at McDonalds that you have to poop. (six year old at McDonalds Playland running to me from the play equipment)
You may not take an egg out of the refrigerator and play with it.
Is that a toy, tool, or decoration? If it is not a toy then you need permission to play with it.
Okay, then we will have to leave your boots stuck in the mud in the garden. (My 8 year old got stuck playing in the mud and the only way to get him out was to take him out of his boots)
I forgot this one.
Superglue your butt to the chair until you are finished eating. (My fear is that one day they might actually get the superglue out for this)
I think I need to frame, “Wipe, flush and wash!” in my bathroom!!
Everytime someone gets grazed with a nerf dart, tapped by a brother during a wrestling match or whatever injury and the boy starts crying like he’s dying I say:
“Did your eye fall out? Did your arm fall off? Did your arm grab your eye and drag it across the floor? No? You’re fine. Stop crying, go play.”
Gets them giggling everytime. Even better when the 2-yr-old comes up to me crying and I ask “What happened?” His answer “My eye fell off!”
LOVE my 3 sons!
I’m a mom of 3 teenage boys, so I catch myself using some of their terminology. Sadly, I say ‘dude’ quite often. It’s so multi-functional. Used as an exclamatory word, it’s “Duuude!” {Used like “Wow!”} Then I often refer to my sons as dude …”Dude, what’s up with that hair?!” =P
Angela´s last [type] ..It All Started with This Slip of Paper
Tried it, Laurel! I even taped a sign to the underside of the lid so that they would see it when they lifted the lid. The only ones that seem to see this note anymore are the guests who get a great kick out of the reminder!
Put the sword down now, or you won’t get to go to the monster truck jam!”
“Son, take the gun out of your brother’s mouth!” (yes, it was a toy gun!)
We have absolutely no time for stitches today – GET DOWN!
“Son, take the gun out of your brother’s mouth!” (yes, it was a toy gun!)
No; your lil brother will not be able to fly successfully on his own even with the handmade cardboard wings you just duck taped to his body!
Don’t run with a stick in your hand!
Oh my *#%€£* (as i bite my tongue not to curse) why can’t you keep the Legos picked up?!?!?! (Said by mom when stepping barefoot on those evil evil expensive but fun creative pieces of plastic!)
I don’t want to see you back in this house unless your bleeding to death or have a broken bone!!! (Said in order to stop the in/out of constant tattle tailing!!!) hehe!!
Can you guys please dance without touching your privates?
“The laundry room sink is NOT a toilet!”….said to #3 son when he was 7.
“Did you just ‘DUH’ your mom?”….said to #4 son this morning(He is now 20 yo)
Don’t pee all over the toilet!!!
Yes, you did brush your teeth last night, but you also need to brush them this morning.
I just put your lego fire truck together, why are you taking it apart? (Said that yesterda)
That’s not the way a monster truck sounds, this is the way it sounds!! (And yes, mom can do the sounds perfectly!!)
Squirrel fur undewear!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!
PLEASE get your hands out of your pants!!!!
LOL!!! My son used them for drumsticks!
Dynamite is funnnnnyyy!!!
Stop licking me!
You really don’t have to replace every other word in that song with “poop”.
Bubba, why did you say “poop” into the microphone during your Christmas program at church????
If you go through the sheetrock you are NEVER getting an allowance again!!!!
–He loves to :”ride” the laundry basket down the stairs.
Stop licking your sister.
We only pee outside at our own house (on 8 acres btw). Not in public (at the park, or on grandma’s neighbor’s lawn).
Mother of twin 9 year old boys with autism (non verbal even) and we still managed this gem:
“Boys, there is enough mermaid for the both of you!”
Do not pee on your brother
“Don’t eat your boogers.”
“We don’t have time for a trip to the ER today, get down!”
“Put your pants back on.”
“Stop licking people!”
“You’re so gross… but I love you anyway!”
Amen! lol
Exactly the one I was going to say!
No! Don’t poke it with a stick!
No, I don’t think farts are funny.
No, I don’t think burps are funny…okay, they’re kind of funny
Just don’t hit each other in the face or the privates
I don’t care if you fight, just don’t kill each other
Hahaha – the pee thing! Totally right on!
“O, is it still there?” (after asking him to take his hands out of his pants for the billionth time)
If you plug this toilet like that again, I am going to make you go outside in a hole!
Come pick up the popsicle sticks shanks you left on the floor before the toddler gets them.
No, you are not storing your dirt ball in the fridge.
Hey, that cut on your forehead from the icycle you broke down with the shovel looks like Harry Potter’s lightning bolt!
Did you honestly think that you’d fit between the bunkbed and the wall? (while taking the bolts out of the bunkbed that attaches it to the wall where son was stuck).
Description of the boys game they were playing: I have a monster in her living room who is attacking its trainers who are protecting themselves inside a breakthrough room by pushing a button a google times….
Quotes from Boys:
Micah is playing a driving game and he got stuck between a rock and a wall, and said, “I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, literally”.
Micah: “I am going to jog in place for ten minutes. Owen how many calories does that burn?” (Owen is 6, Micah is 8).
“Its a 62 ‘chine gun bullet that went into the deer’s head” said Micah as he and James play with playdough (deer brain) and nails (a 62 ‘chine gun bullet, of course)
“They make things hard these days”. (Micah trying to figure out how to use a drill).
“Sure I will take a picture of your awesome boo boo and send it to daddy!”
“Sorry son, you are going to have to play the girl in the game this time.” (kinect game that makes guests be girls for some reason)
“Stop running and kicking that cardboard”
“If you get hurt I don’t wanna hear it”
“Stop chasing your brother with the bat”
Son, your pee pee is not a guitar!!
Okay, you can be The Emperor or Darth Vadar and I’ll be Luke Skywalker and the Rebel army — or said variation on Star Wars characters
Pick up your LEGO!!!!!
No – brushing your teeth is not an acceptable thing to give up for Lent!
You cannot take a shower and put the same underwear back on!
Put that down – I am NOT going to the ER on a Saturday night. Do you know how busy they are?!
Penis is NOT a bad word but we don’t need to to say 15 times.
I have 2 boys (4 and 7).
“What made you think pouring dirt on your brother’s head was a good idea?”
“Go play with your brother-that’s why I gave you one!”
“Your sleeve is NOT a napkin!”
“Alright you two are peeing like girls until you learn to hit the toilet!”
“You JUST ate!”
“Point it down…into the potty.”
Matthew, 3, Don’t hit Moses, 5, in the head with the New Testament.
Boys, stop climbing the walls. You’re not Spider-Man.
Get your hands off your tee tee, it’s gonna fall off.
Watering your brother is not going to make him grow into a monster.
You’re not a fountain just because I pee in the bath tub. Stop peeing on your brother. Eww that’s not a drink son. Oh dear.
Why did you think it was okay to flush my sunglasses?
Just because camouflage doesn’t LOOK dirty doesn’t mean it can’t BE dirty.
“Son – Why did you pee in the trashcan?”
“NO, you cannot go naked to church…” and then “I don’t care if that’s how Adam went to church!”
“Iron Man would eat all his peas.”
“Don’t hit your sister…use your repulsor rays.”
No son, you can’t ride your scooter and your truck down the hill at the same time… No, if you stacked them it would be too dangerous… Nope, not even with your helmet and knee pads… I’m not talking about this anymore, the answer is NO!
A kitten scratched my nine year old. And he saids It hurts like needles of burning fire. Me. Its not even bleeding your fine
Stop licking the cat!
I don’t care that you just broke a record, never wear the same pair of socks for a month straight again!
I havethe an almostappointment 2yr old andpic I am constantly saying, “Keep your pants on” and “get your hand out of your pants!”cookies and “quit harassing your sisters!”
Oh my gosh! This is me!!! I have said these EXACT same words to my kids! LOL
Wow my phone added a bunch of unnecessary words lol What I meant to say was : I have an almost 2 yr old and I am constantly saying “Please keep your pants on” and “get your hand out of your pants!” And “quit harassing your sisters!”
Critters belong OUTSIDE!
Did you empty your pockets when you got home (from camp)?
How many times have I asked you to pick up your Legos? Now go get a broom and the dustpan…
It’s snowing outside…. long pants AND a jacket.
Please use a cup to get a drink of water… (OK, we’ve given up on this one).
Did you realize that pile of stones is leaning? (I just walked away after asking the question because I would’ve been up on them as well)
It’s really good yo know I’m not the only one constantly telling my son to stop playing with himself and put his clothes on lol
“Stop making fart noises with your mouth, hands, arm pit etc….”
me : “Do your privates itch?”
son: “no”
Me: “then get your hand off of them please”
“get down off the pillar please… your going to get dirt on the ceiling.”
If my hair ends up in your pee one more time, you’re never allowed to go inside again! (too much to explain!)
“Will you PLEASE stop grabbing your crotch!”
“No, you are not Buzz Lightyear so don’t jump head first off the back of the couch!”
“Quit letting the dog eat your food! From inside your mouth!”
“No you cannot wear the same clothes for a third day in a row. That shirt has holes in it. You can’t wear it in public.”
“Stop hitting each other! If one of you gets hurt I’m not taking you to the energency room!”
“Is there blood? Is it dripping? Can you see the bone?”
“Exactly how big is the bump on your brother’s head? Does it go in or protrude out?”
“Hold the door open for the ladies, please”
This happened on the shuttle from Disneyland back to the hotel with tons of strangers. I had our twin boys. My mother and father in law were with me. My husband had stayed at the park with our daughter.
Me: “Take your hands out of your pants.”
Son: “Okay”
Me: I said, “Take your hands out of your pants.”
Son: “I AM trying. I have to put it back the way it was!”
Me: Looking at my father in law sitting on the other side of my son….”I don’t even know what to say to that. You are up to bat!”
My father in law was too busy laughing to be of ANY help!!!! (Along with several other men on the bus.)
Don’t hold yourself in front of people.
Close your legs and don’t play with THAT!
Don’t hit your sister with that!
no..you don’t need a snack..you JUST had breakfast (which consisted of a bowl of oatmeal..yogurt..a banana and some milk)
if you really want to talk about poop that much..go in the bathroom and do it..
Your clothes are NOT a napkin! ( I say this at each meal, even though they both have a napkin at their place! Ages 8 and 5)
“stop pulling on your penis, its going to hang to your knees”– dad doesn’t see an issue with this.
“get out of his room, he’s in timeout for hurting you”…. said everyday multiple times.
“yes you have to flush the toilet”
“stop moving your (bunkbed) ladder around” used to climb onto EVERYTHING!!!
“you chose to play rough, so stop crying about it!”
Boys… 2 and 4 with another one on the way!
I’m pretty sure I have said most all of those things more than once at one time or another. Lately I have to keep telling my 3 year old to get off the floor, the ground, the pavement, etc. he likes to pretend he is a cat. Then he will climb up on the back of the couch and try to pounce on you when you come into the living room.
Charming’s Mama´s last [type] ..Sugar Lips
“Why is there poo on the floor?!”
“No, I don’t want to touch your penis. And neither should anyone else.”
“Please make sure all pee goes into the toilet!”
“I don’t want to visit the ER today!”
“Did you put raisins up your nose? (again?!)”
2 boys, ages 3 and 7
If there isn’t blood or broken bones involved, I don’t want to hear about it.
No, Callen, you are NOT a dog. Please stop licking my face.
I have too much sh** to do today to take you to the hospital. PLEASE stop jumping off the couch/wall/stairs/people/anythinghecanclimb
Let me know how that tantrum works out for ya.
**People tell me of this magical world of little girls where they’ll actually sit and play quietly. I’m fairly certain this is a myth. However, I’m grateful that I had my boy first, because if we had had a girl first and then this boy, I would have thought there was something wrong with him lol.
“Now that you’ve fractured both wrists, do you still think going down an steep hill covered in ice, in a wheelchair was a good idea?”
Pull your pants up.
We pee in the toilet, not the trashcan.
Melissa Deming´s last [type] ..Teaching your kids about the Resurrection (with Barbara Reaoch)
Rockets here.
“Mom, look how far they shoot!”
*as I’m cleaning the toilet*….”seriously, how does pee get down here???!?!?” (On the bottom of the toilet, the part that is bolted down to the floor).
“We have to wear pants to church (the store, Grandma’s, etc).”
“Get your hand out of your pants!”
“Peel your cheese off the gun safe!”
And then there was the time when he was 18mo, I left the room for 2 min to go to the bathroom, and he grabbed my Coke & started swigging, grabbed the remote and ordered a PlayBoy pay-per-view movie by punching random buttons, and then got into said gun safe, which was left open by his Grandpa who was now desperately trying to turn off the movie!
(As I’m driving 55 mph down the highway and a garden hose suddenly slides down the windshield onto the hood) “Boys, WHY is there a garden hose on top of the truck?!”
(Answer: “Because we were playing fire truck.”)
That’s hilarious! I have two boys w/ a 3rd on the way. I say these almost daily, especially “you just ate!”
when you say don’t have the TV with the curtain rod.
stop trying to eat the rocks
no you can’t have cookies for breakfast
don’t hit the TV with the curtain rod
When you say “there are 3 bathrooms in the house use one!” To your boys and your husband!
Or “get your clothes back on the pastor is coming over!” All the way up to your youngest turning 5.
My son did that! and pretended to be a dog and like you!
And then the “your go-cart is NOT a Monster Jam truck! Keep it on the ground – it’s not made to get air!” said at least 100 times before the crash that ended in his upper arm being snapped in two and his cousins wrist being fractured!
“Don’t get Cheerio dust on your wiener.”
“Don’t put toys on the cat.”
“Don’t use the couch as a napkin.”
“Don’t use your shirt as a napkin…..no, don’t use MY shirt as a napkin either!”
Shelly´s last [type] ..Simplifying and Organizing
You know you’re a boy mom when you walk into the bathroom and freeze, horrified, to find your 3-yr-old sticking feminine napkins all over the mirror. He then takes one down and offers it to you, saying, “Here, Mom. Do you need a band-aid?”
Mom of 4 boys
Don’t fart on your brother
stop picking you your nose
your pants are on backwards and so is your shirt
don’t drink out of the carton
Please don’t kick me in the head.
Stop shooting your brother.
“No, mommy can’t pee standing up.”
“Yes, you can sprinkle that dirt on the snow.”
“Don’t touch your brother’s pee pee.”
Amanda´s last [type] ..Working moms — you’re not alone
“No son, I dont have apple juice in my boobs”
“The exterminator will not get the plastic you flushed down the toilet”
“No, mommy does not have a penis”
“No Ethan, I didnt forget the baby”
“You cant have a bowl of whipped cream for breakfast”
“It is Puss in Boots, not Piss in Boots”
Oh my gosh…So funny
No, you may not slap your brother in the face with that piece of chicken.
I think we’re done talking about fart bubbles.
We have a bathroom, please stop peeing in the yard.
Please get your hand out of your pants
(Referring to boy as he enters to bathroom) “Hit the hole!”
Is that a tootsie roll on the floor? We don’t have any tootsie rolls……ewwwww!
Son:why does my peepee do (insert anything ) i dont know i dont have one. Go ask daddy
How did pee get on the wall directly behind you?? Son- it was like a fire hose mom
Pull up you underwear and pants..we are at church!!!
So this morning I couldn’t think of anything that hadn’t been added already, but of course my boys came through for me today making me say things I hadn’t yet read on here and I had to come back and post….
“Just because your brother thinks it’s funny does NOT mean it’s a good idea.”
“Why are you low-crawling behind me (at the store)?” I’m a snail, mom. “Oh, obviously.”
“If I’m going to play with you, I’ll need a backup gun. Go get mommy a second gun.”
You know you’re a boy mom when your boys come ask you for some skewers so they can use them as arrows for the bows they just made out of sticks in the back yard:)
Your shirt is on inside out and backwards…AGAIN!
What was the point of taking a shower if you weren’t gonna use a washcloth…or soap?
Stop touching EVERYTHING!
Everything I say isn’t code for “Let’s wrestle”.
When WAS the last time you brushed your teeth?
“Don’t poot in the dog’s face. It isn’t nice or funny!”
“Don’t stab your little brother with it, just shoot him!” Hahahaha. I was referring to him poking him with one of his Lego toy guns. Yikes.
“Why is there pee on the _____?” Fill in the blank with (typically) floor, wall, vanity….
I love my boys but, man if my 4 year old keeps coming into our room 4 times a night I *will* say – “If you get out of bed one more time the monster that lives under your bed will eat you and then he’ll go eat your little brother.” Lol just kidding on this one!
“Don’t poot in the dog’s face! It isn’t nice or funny!’
“Are you bleeding? Is something broken? No? Shake it off!”
“It is never okay to tape your brother to the wall!”
“Do not pee from your tree house.”
“Yes, you have to wash your hands after you go potty even if you didn’t use toilet paper!”
“Don’t lick the bottom of your shoes. Ever!”
Please stop drinking out of the dog dish!
No there is not a Froggy in my shirt.
Do not sit on the cat.
Get my toothbrush out of your diaper.
There is no monster in the toilet. That is your poop.
(I have a 2 year old son)
Don’t put duct tape on your brother… or the cats.
Stop eating your toenails.
The sink is not a garbage can.
When you say, “why did you zip yourself in a suitcase?” the first time he was left home for 20 minutes. He got stuck and we unzipped him all sweaty and pretty scared.
You have to wash your hands after you pee even if you don’t touch anything
Oh the “don’t lick the bottom of your shoes” comment reminded me of “OH MY Gosh! Why did you just lick the emergency room floor!?” with sick people vomitting all around the waiting room! I still get chills 8 years later!
Did you close, flush and wash your hands?
I did!
Let me smell?
I will wash them again…
We pee in the potty, not on the playground.
No, that is NOT a diaper in mommies panties.
My boobies are not buttons. Stop pushing them.
You’re not bleeding, you don’t need a bandaid.
To my 3-year old “I can tell you just picked your nose and then used the iPad.” Gross!
Tell me exactly why you think you’ll need our matches?
“Don’t use the baby as a weapon!”
“I need to you to find something to do that doesn’t involve slingshotting my bra.”
Did you change your underwear?
It doesn’t take an hour for you to poop, get out of the bathroom!! (To my 14 yr old son)
Thank you for taking a shower and putting on your clean PJs, but please take off the dirty underwear & put on your CLEAN underwear!! (To my 10 yr old son)
One of you better get over here and help me, the zombies have me pinned down!!! (Playing COD:Black Ops II Zombie mode on Xbox with my sons)
Good thing I’m a tomboy, so I can talk farts, burps, & all other gross things with my boys – we keep each other entertained!!
Dawn´s last [type] ..Another Miracle
OH MY GOSH! YOU GET OUT THERE AND REBURY THAT HAMSTER, NOW! EW!
*to husband*
If you think it’s so flipping funny, then why don’t you get out there and help him rebury it. Deep where he can’t find it. Thank you.
Melinda´s last [type] ..Basic Telephone Etiquette Tips
“Do NOT ride the skateboard on the treadmill!”
“If you poop in the shower AGAIN, I’m gonna make you clean it up!” Said to my almost 9 year old son who still really doesn’t like going poop, so he trys not to.
“Please stop jumping/hanging/climbing, etc. on me! Do I look like a jungle-gym?”
“Why are you pacing around the ottoman while eating your breakfast? Please sit while you eat.”
“No, it’s not a good idea to spray the water bottle on the outlet in the bathroom! I know you’re curious, but it is dangerous.”
“I want you to go into the bathroom, take all of your clothes off, get in the shower, turn the water ON, stand under the water, use soap on your body and shampoo in your hair ( not on the walls, shower curtain or floor), rinse the soap off, turn the water OFF, step out of the shower, use a towel to dry off your body and hair, then put on CLEAN clothes ” ( with sons you have to give very specific instructions it seems)
yes.. you have to pee in the bathroom (they are sometimes too lazy to come inside!!)…. keep your pee in the toilet (for those early morning times when they’re half asleep!!) ….. come pick up this lego piece ….. the couch is not a playground, stop jumping on it!…… get off your brother, you’re going to hurt him!…… mom of 3 boys (all 22 months apart!)
oh and… “yes.. you have to wear a shirt!!”
“Everything can break!”
don’t forget to pee, flush, and brush.
So glad my son is not the only one!
“no, you cannot get surgery like your brother just so you can get ice cream.”
“no, i will not dare you to jump off the roof”
“i don’t want to be wasp, i want to be black widow…ok, I’ll be wasp but then i need to wear the fairy wings…fine you keep the wings, and I’ll be wonder woman, were did we put the rope…”
Who peed in the drier?
*Please, don’t use the force on your sister
*Yes, I know what par core is; no, you may not practice on the furniture
*Why does the dog have a lightsabre/sword/shield stuck on his collar?
Haha! I have mine conviced that I always need to be Black Widow and that sometimes she needs to take up a sniper position (and pee/fold laundry/make dinner alone)!
“Can you at least wear a shirt with your underwear while we’re having dinner?!”
“Do not put the pizza crust in your ear!”
“Stop throwing the ball in the house!”
“You have food on your forehead.”
“No batting practice on the electrical box.”
“What made you think playing ‘Punch Game’ would be fun?”
“Get your finger out of your nose and go get a tissue.”
“Put that armadillo down before he scratches you?”
Ahahahahaha!!! This just made my day!
No, you can not go outside in your underwear, put some clothes on.
Your underwear is not a pocket to carry objects in
Do not attack the cat with the lightsaber
Put down the Thor hammer, and pull up your underpants
no, I can’t go faster to pass all the cars on the road
Eww, why do you have a dead bee in your hand? Ahhhh! Don’t ever thow dead bugs at your mommy’s face!!!
no, you may not crawl into the oven!
Get off the cat! the cat is NOT a horse!
Get off your baby brother, he isn’t a horse either!
Why is there water spraying from the toilet???? WHY did you lift the lid of the tank in the first place?!?!
when my son was 18 mths: “Don’t squeeze your wee wee like that! You’re going to want that some day!”
at 2: “You brought me a present?!?! How sweet, bud! JB! DOGGIE POO POO STAYS OUTSIDE!”
“Please don’t use my face as the track for your choo choo”
My 2 year old boy during a diaper change last week…
Me: Why are you putting your sock on your boy parts?
Son: “Dingy’s cold Momma!”
while in the boys are in the bath….”No! Its not ok to pee on each other”
“No, mommy’s phone does not float, not even in the dogs water bowl.”
“Pee pee sword fighting is NOT allowed!”
“Don’t cross the streams!”. (I thank ghostbusters for that bit of advice in regards to my 2 boys using the toilet at the same time…)
HaHaHaHa!! This one made me laugh so hard I woke up the baby…
I’ve got 4 boys all 20 months apart & we keep a list of our favorite “I can’t believe that came out of my mouth” moments:
– “Get your fork out of your milk.”
– “Don’t rub your cheese on the window.”
– “Please don’t sit on the baby’s head.”
– “Superheroes leave their capes in the car during church.”
– “Don’t pick your nose and jump or you’ll have to get off the trampoline!” (courtesy of my brother’s neighbor)
so true!!!!
“Why did you stick your head in the toilet??”
(His reply: “Because my sisters told me to!”)
Mom, I don’t mean to alarm you, but Josh is burning toys in the driveway.
Quinn: Buttocks. Is that appropriate?
Glenn: No, it’s not.
Quinn: Buttocks.
Glenn: Quinn, stop.
Quinn: It’s like a “butt” can “talk”. Or like a “butt” wearing a “tuxedo”
Glenn: (slaps forehead)
Some of the crazier things I’ve said to my boys (ages 4 and 2):
Get your tongue off of the dishwasher.
I don’t know how to make a billion crazy hairs.
No, you may not chop down the Christmas tree with your chainsaw.
Don’t even think of dropping that monkey into the air conditioner.
The horse can’t go in there, either.
Eew, did you just wipe your nose on the bottom of your brother’s foot?
Didn’t I just tell you not to wipe your nose on the bottom of your brother’s foot?
Take your fingers out of your mouth; that’s how you got sick.
Take your fingers out of my mouth; that’s how I got sick.
Please don’t poke the American flag into your sandwich.
Sorry Buddy, you can’t go to bed with your chainsaw.
Who put the blue bouncy ball in the fridge?
Probably the same kid who put the letter ‘S’ in there too!
Take that dog food out of the VCR!
Which one of you filled the garden hose with acorns?
Why did you throw the fish out the window?
Sweetheart, you don’t have to raise your hand during bath time.
I can relate to the ER comment. My son was always getting hurt on the weekend and we would have to go to the emergency room. I still tell my grown children that I am not going to the ER so they better not hurt themselves on the weekend.
Don’t hit the baby with the light saber.
wondering why the kid had a chainsaw in the first place???:)
I have two boys that are 16 months apart. Sometimes I’m not sure how they’ve made it to 11 1/2 and 10, but I have been saying most of these crazy things for over a decade…some of my favorites from the last 10 years:
If I have to put this baby down, you are in deep trouble!
Don’t stick your thumb in weird places…
NOBODY will ever be more fascinated with your weewee than you are, ever…I don’t care what she says.
Never mind, I don’t want to know…(this is said quite often)
Please stop peeing (insert SO many different places, on or in things or each other).
No face or nut shots.
Why are you being SO DARN quiet!?! (I never understood why moms said this to their sons until I had two….and had a migraine when they were young, asked them to play quietly in their room…I didn’t know a house burn down in three minutes!)
1…2…3…WRESTLE!!(I say this when they’re going at it, apparently it’s not as much fun to beat each other if Momma instigates)
Suck it up, you’re not bleeding.
What did you do to him first?
Oh so many, the most commonly said by me is probably the simple “Seriously Sons!”
The benefit to having boys is that to remind them who’s in charge, I actually say, “Who wears the skirt in this family?”
Do we have to look at the pigs feet every time we come to the grocery store?
ACT LIKE YOU LIKE EACH OTHER!
Me: why do you only wear underwear on Sundays?
8 year old: because Sunday is church day
Get your hand out of your pants and go wash your hands.
If you are going to sit like that you are going to have to wear underwear.
Leave your brother alone. Leave your brother alone. Leave your brother alone.
Me: everytime you say something ugly to him you are going to have to follow up with two compliments.
9 year-old’s first compliment to brother: you are so special because you have such an incredible little brother.
9 year-old’s second compliment: you have such big hands. They are so big you can’t even find your penis when you need to scratch it!
To 14 year-old son who was snuggled under a blanket with his girlfriend at a football game: no hankey pankey under the blankey
No, you cannot MINE the DRIVEWAY.
Penis really is a private word; do NOT say it at school or church.
At least he’ll never be a 12-year-old girl.
I have a 2 year old boy.
Yes, you are right the kitchen table, coffee table and the TV stand all need fixed.
Me: “Why, did you climb the kitchen cabinets?”
Jaxson: “Hungry”
Me: “There’s food in the fridge.”
Jaxson: “No, better food up high so I climb.”
Leave your sister alone..
Don’t stand on the doll’s head
Don’t keep hitting the doll on the side of the table just to hear it cry
I have three boys and I’m constantly telling them “we do have indoor plumbing use it.”
You call people “dude” or “bro.”
“Private word” – I love that description. Brilliant.
“Don’t pull your pants down until you are IN the bathroom.”
Learn to aim or SIT DoWN!!!
Don’t put your paci in your big boy pants (he was potty trained pretty early).
Don’t put your sword in your big boy pants.
Don’t put your drill (hammer, any other tool you can think of) in your big boy pants.
We don’t put our heads in the toilet.
Put the fish back in the tank! We do not take the fishy out of the water!
Don’t you shoot mama with your laser! (He pushes a “button” on his arm and “shoots” his wrist at me, making noises like Buzz Lightyear’s laser when I get him in trouble).
Don’t ride on the dog.
Don’t stick your finger in dog poopy.
The cat food is not a mountain for your tractor.
If Buzz Lightyear doesn’t get his shoes on like I told him, he’s going to be in trouble!
When my son was about 3 years old he stuck a round black lego up his nose, then came to me to ask for help because he couldn’t get it out. I asked why he stuck it in his nose. His response I found it in the couch. I have 4 boys and he was the only one to stick anything up his nose.
Peeing on your brother is not ok.
Why does your breath smell like cat food?
Where is your snake? It’s not in the jar…(I found it on the bathroom vanity!)
Why are these sticks in the kitchen/hallway/bed/etc? (hundreds of times)
Do not use the magnifying glass to burn your brother.
Put your wee wee away. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Leave your brothers alone.
You may not jump out of the tree house onto the trampoline.
You may not jump off the roof.
Do not eat any more ants.
I’ve said that many times to my 5 yr old. I thought my son was the only one who does this. Now, I know he’s normal. whew *wipes brow*
I have 5 and 8 year old boys.
“Quit kicking your brother in the head”
“If your going to wrestle, your going to get hurt”
“Pee in the potty not on the floor, or the toilet seat or the wall or the bathtub or…..”
“Wait, don’t touch that!”
“You put what in your mouth?”
“You have to be dressed to go outside!”
“Check your ears because I think they are broken”
“Not everything is a gun, O.K., I guess it is”
“Go wash your hands”..2 minutes passes, “Go wash your hands again!”
Quit peeing on the dog.
Quit chasing the dog to pee on him.
No scent marking the dog.
And why did you think jumping off the swings into dog poop was a good idea?
Karen´s last [type] ..The Boy-Noise Symphony
Why? Wait, I’m not even going to ask….
Take it OUTSIDE!
Just because you have to go right this second doesn’t mean you can whip it out anywhere you want, we have a bathroom INSIDE!
Oh, I laughed so hard
I’ve said that to mine too, but then I realized it is so much nicer to clean the bathroom if they use it less…
“wash your hands and use soap…I’m going to smell them!”
“get your hands out of your pants and wash your hands that’s gross”
“no, I do not want to see your wanker cannon”
“no, I don’t want to hear your song about your junk”
“yes I know lots of words have A-S-S in them and no you can’t just say that part.”
“Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell your breath”
I have two boys, 6 and 9.
-Not appropriate gentlemen
-Where are you? If you are not in the bathroom you shouldn’t talk like that.
-You can’t pee in the backyard when your friends are over.
-You can’t pee in the trash can. I don’t care if it is next to the toilet.
-Did you bring your own money? Then you’re outta luck.
-You have to change your clothes today.
Ha! My son did the buzz light year laser thing too! Whenever he was mad at me, he’d laser me…..until I started doing it back!
My Son is 2 & things that come to mind are;
Don’t lick my face, EWWW or spit on my face!
Don’t bite your toenails!
Stop spitting in the oven…Don’t spit in the soup…
Stop standing on the oven door & eating out of the pot…Get your toys out of the microwave
Don’t climb on the T.V.
No, you can’t use the vacuum for water
Don’t eat the paint…Don’t eat the crayons…Don’t drink your bathwater
Stop licking the floor (This has been said numerous times, once even at church during a funeral)
Don’t eat that…EWW…off the floor (For some reason I feel the need to finish this EVERY time!)
No, you can’t eat (grapes, tomatoes, bananas, ect) until we pay for them & wash them
Don’t bite the box! We have to pay for that! Don’t squeeze the soap on the floor! (in the store!)
Don’t bite mommy! Why did you bite mommy? (Of course, these two are always spoken together)
Why is there yogurt on your shirt? ~to which he replied, ‘Cars bite bite mommy’
Don’t put the quarter in your mouth! Don’t lick the shopping cart!
Don’t brush the drain with your toothbrush!
Get your hand out of your pants
Don’t call mommy Dude…don’t call mommy Melissa either
Did I mention that he’s 2? 25 months to be exact! Pray for me!
Just remembered that I had to tell him once “Don’t lick the outlet!” at church, in the sanctuary!
“Your jocks are for covering your privates, not for shooting at your brother!”
… If you ask cleanliness related questions, like:
1) When was the last time you brushed your teeth?!? (to my young teen)
2) Did you use ANY soap while you were in the shower?!?
3) Why didn’t you flush the toilet after using it?? (a faint cry from the distance shouts, “It wasn’t me!”) Uh, your sisters use toilet paper!
“I’ll be happy to listen once your hands are out of your pants.” (Mom to 3 little boys…things I never imagined needing to teach my kids!)
Why are you carrying starburst candy in your underwear?
Crosssing the threshold of tub does not mean you had a bath.
No I will not fix you anything else to eat after your 5 roast beef sandwiches, 2 bags of chips, a gallon of tea and a box of crackers with peanut butter.
Why do you have a sock stuck on your ceiling fan?
Your room looks better but, if I look under the bed and find everything you will have to clean up again.
no son you cannot replace your blood with racing fuel just to go faster”!
1. “Why is your underwear stuffed with toilet paper?”
2. “Pull that thing back in your underwear!” (My then 4-year old son came out of his room and into the family room with his penis sticking out through that slit in boys’ underwear.)
3. “No, you cannot wear my bra when you’re older.”
4. “Please don’t carry the dog by her neck!”
Ah! The joys of boys. I think I can write a book on that and he’s only 5 years old.
You know you’re a MOB when you say, “Guess what?!? Chicken butt!” to have a laugh with your five year old.
You know you’re a MOB when you have said for the umpteenth time today “Get your hands out of your pants and wash them please! You can scratch your parts, but please do it in private!”
Oh man! LOL
I have to say “Get your hand out of your pants and go wash your hands.” multiple times a day!
I love the “No hankey pankey under the blankey!”
I just cleaned up piss all over the floor AROUND the toilet! Just today I told them “I’m going to make you all SIT TO PEE if I have to keep cleaning this up!”
the same reason my kid has nine, count em nine pocket knives…nope, I don’t know!
Get off your brother! It is your brother’s turn to attack!
You took a shower?! Did you wash your hair…with shampoo?
Take it OUTSIDE!
You can play wrestle until somebody gets hurt…if you are not hurt, quit yelling!
Don’t use the arm of the couch as a springboard. Yes, I know the dog runs a lap around the living room, onto the couch, over the arm of the couch and under the table but she only weighs 8 pounds!
My boys are 10 1/2 and 12 and most of these phrases are said on a regular basis!
Mom to 2 boys ages 5 & 2 and one girl age 7
“Why did you pee on your brothers head?”
“Don’t pee off the… Deck, trampoline…”
“You don’t need anymore band aids! , wait I just put that one on 5 seconds ago!!”
“Yes you look beautiful too buddy!” (Playing dress up with his sister)
“I know these are your favourite shorts/ pants/ shirt/ socks… But I have to wash them before they are rotten!”
“You are going to wear a nice shirt to church… I will let you wear Spider-Man underneath it.”
“That is the last time you are having a bath in my bathroom!”
“Why did you poop in the bath????”
“We don’t drink from the dishwasher/ bathtub/ fountain/ water table/ and grossest so far… Shower floor at the public pool!” Ewwwwwww!
My boys are 4 & 5
– No, you cannot use the 2×4 to ski down the windshield of the truck
– Please stop having spit races on the windshield of the truck
– You have to pee right now? There’s a water bottle in the floor of the truck, use that
– It’s not bleeding/broken, you’ll be fine
– Please pee by a tree, not directly off the front of the porch
Mother: “Your glasses are dirty.”
Son: “Okay.”
Mother: “Don’t LICK your glasses!”
Me to my 12 year old son: Did you forget to put some underwear in the hamper this week?
Son to me: No.
Me to son: I just wondered because there was only one pair in your stack after I finished the laundry today.
Son to me: Why is that such a big deal?
Me (while suppressing a gag and trying not to sound shocked): Well, dear, there were only two pairs last week, and I only do laundry once a week… You know, every SEVEN days, so I just figured you might have generated more than one pair of dirty underwear in that length of time… Silly me.
Sandy M-om: “Lex, we’ll be late for church, why did you put on 2 different colored socks?”
5 year old Lex: “Mom didn’t you teach us that Jesus cares more about what we look like on the inside than what we wear on the outside?”
Sandy..thinking…”Lord, why did you make my children so smart?”
Mom: Before you go outside you will need to but your cloths on
My sweet 4yr old: but mom I am wearing invisible cloths
**little boy giggles**
me- “Frankie… did you…?”
Frankie- “Mom did you smell it?”
me- “Frankie!! That’s disgusting!”
Frankie- *sniff* “Haha, Mom it smells bad!”
Déjà vu! And I thought my 10 year old was the only one to do this… phew, we’re not alone!
Brother Daniel (8): Mom, I’m Special!!!!
Brother Vincent (14, with an attitude): Yeah, you are Special ED Hahaha!!
Boys will be Boys!
Hahaha!!!
OMG, i thought it was only me haha!
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marijuana merchant account´s last [type] ..marijuana merchant account
Keller, ( 22months) you can not put the dog’s ball in your mouth
Keller, you can not climb on the kitchen counter and play in the sink
Keller, please don’t pull off all the leafs on the plants
Keller, please don’t hide Papa’s keys in your big red truck
Keller, if you spin in circles you will get dizzy and fall down
Keller, if you scream at the bird he becomes afraid and will fly away
Keller, you cannot play with your dirty diaper
Keller, PUT DOWN THAT JALAPENO
Keller please don’t hide your blocks in the hole in the speakers
Keller, you can’t play with the toilet brush
I have 3 boys- 6, 7 and 9.
Those are not weapons
Who peed on the floor
Who wiped their boogers on the wall
Everyone repeat after me- “I can sit still for more than five minutes.”
Why are there no clean underwear in the clean clothes
No fighting in the kitchen
Seriously, go outside and run around the house 50 times
Ewwwwwww.
hahahaha. Seriously, i just posted a comment with this in it. We’ll do the laundry and there will be one pair of clean undies. We had a long talk about this and I just reported to my mother that there were lots of clean undies in the laundry and wasn’t she pleased (she had just been to our house for a visit and was also disconcerted with the fact that no one changes their underwear).
Annie´s last [type] ..Super Easy Lunch Ideas