A few weeks back, we at The Mob Society received a request to write on an extremely difficult topic – childhood abuse. As I researched and read account after account of the harm children can experience at the hands of those who are supposed to protect and care for them, I found myself heartbroken. I am no stranger to childhood abuse, having experienced it in varying forms at times in my life; however, these statistics are staggering:
www.childhelp.com
As I struggled to put into words what we could DO about this…how we, as mothers, can watch vigilantly over our children and provide them tools and resources to protect themselves, I kept coming back to one unshakeable truth…my experiences were healed through Christ alone.
From my personal journal a few years ago:
Fear {Perfect Love}
I lay in bed, startled awake by the furious storm outside. As lighting crashes and rain pelts the window, I hear another sound…a gentle sobbing, a child trying to hold tears in. My little one walks to my side – shaking, full of fear, and places a sweet hand on my face.
She crawls into bed with me, wraps herself into the safe cocoon of warm blankets and my love.
I drift back to my own memories of fear.
I was afraid of so many things.
footsteps
{in the hall outside my bedroom door…the slow creak of the devil walking in}
whispers
{in my ear don’t tell no one will believe you I will hurt you more if you do}
hands
{on me hurting, humiliating, punishing and I don’t know WHY}
pleas
{my mother’s cries as each strike fell, each muffled scream a reminder that I was next}
mortality
{the click of the gun safety being released, is this how I will die}
I am afraid of so many things.
footsteps
{opening the door of my heart…the overwhelming peace of God flooding in}
whispers
{in my ear I love you, You are worthy, You are beautiful, You are MINE}
hands
{molding me like clay, shaping my new identity in Him, healing my hurt}
pleas
{ TRUST me, trust ME alone. I will fulfill my work in you}
mortality
{THIS IS how I will die…dying to myself, dying to the Kingdom, dying for His glory}
My daughter asks “Can you pray for me? So I won’t be afraid anymore?” So I do, holding my child close, murmuring words promising God’s love, peace, protection.
And I am reminded through her simple request, born out of precious childlike faith, that fear has no place in my heart, in my mind, in my life.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
-1 John 4:18
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 27:1
If you know a loved one or a friend who is dealing with the aftermath of abuse in any form, I want to encourage you that there is hope…there is healing. As I look back at my own journey, the following steps were key in my spiritual, emotional, and physical transformation from a victim of abuse to a victoriously healed child of God:
- Understanding my path to recovery was unique based on my own experiences – my journey looked like my journey alone.
- Realizing it was ok to not be ok – my hurt and anger towards those that harmed me and God for “allowing” it needed to rise to the surface and be dealt with biblically.
- Learning to recover a biblical view of myself and my true identity in Christ – who does GOD say I am? Do I believe He works all for good and makes beauty from ashes?
- Learning to release false guilt or shame – I did not cause others to sin, they chose that. I could only identify and repent of my own sin.
- Letting go of the past, and striving ahead for the beauty God had in store for me – not letting those painful moments define me or my life choices.
- Forgiving my abusers with sincerity and grace, regardless of their response or lack of apology.
- Daily remembering who I am in Christ, and fighting any triggers or self-protective measures with the Word of God.
- Allowing and embracing healing, so that I can be a God-centered, whole wife and mother who can love and nurture my family well.
As for what we can do as mothers? We can simply pray, and do our best to equip our children to believe their worth in Christ, help them understand that they are not responsible for others’ deliberate sin towards them, remind them constantly of the power that forgiveness and offering grace has, and teach them to live in anticipation of God’s perfect love, not fear.
If you’ve experienced abuse or know someone who has, will you share your story in the comments below (anonymously if needed) and allow our community to cover and support each other in prayer?
Lord, we know your love is perfect and sovereign…we rejoice in your kindness and are thankful for your grace. Please bring hope and healing to the hurting hearts of so many who have suffered abuse at the hands of others. Please allow the veil of pain, trauma, unworthiness, and hopelessness to be lifted from their eyes. Please allow their eyes to become fixed on you and the glory you can work through their healing journey. Please give the words to family members who are trying to support those who have been harmed – please give them scripture, patience, and gentleness as they come face to face with the soul scars abuse causes. We love you and are so very humbled by your continued pursuit of our hearts, your voice a slave to the cruelties and injustices in this world. Amen!
Some additional resources on childhood abuse:
Articles:
7 Steps to Protecting our Children from Sexual Abuse
Keys to Powerful Living: Overcoming Child Abuse
Books & Bible Studies:
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse
The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life
Praying God’s Word: Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds
Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse
Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse: A Sensitive Biblical Guide for Counselors, Victims, and Families
Ministries:
Can I add one more resource to your list? Justin and Lindsey Holcomb have written an excellent gospel-centered approach to healing from sexual abuse called Rid of My Disgrace. Although I haven’t experienced it, I found it helpful for understanding what victims experience. There’s also a section at the back about what and what not to say to a victim that was enlightening.
Elizabeth@Warrior Wives´s last [type] ..“My Heart Is Telling Me To Do It”
Thank you for the additional resource! Ours is by no means exhaustive, so we appreciate your input!
This book has spoken volumes into my life as I work towards wholeness. Thank you for listing it.
I was a victim of sexual abuse for many years as a child. I have no hate or anger anymore. In Christ I have found love and forgiveness. I still feel broken inside and still sometimes see myself as unworthy and ruined. However I know that’s not how God sees me and it’s an everyday battle to see the pure child of God in myself.
I agree on the everyday battle, Sabrina. My heart breaks for you, however I understand intimately how hard it can be to shed what others have falsely taught us about ourselves and embrace who God says we are. Will be in prayer over you!
Lindsey Hartz´s last [type] ..A Retreat Into Silence
I was sexually abused by a babysitter when my mum was leading worship at our Baptist church. My mum was traumatised and I think she blamed God somehow. Fortunately, I don’t think she still does! As far as I’m aware, it only happened that once, and I don’t know many details – she doesn’t like to discuss it – It took me a long time, and although at 24, I still feel uncomfortable around men, I have forgiven him. I don’t know how to find him to offer him my forgiveness but God knows. My step-dad physically and emotionally abused my brother and I. Beating my brother day after day and threatening me with the police lady I saw after my ordeal if I didn’t tidy my bedroom or do what he called “garden duty” (cleaning the garden, sometimes at 3am in just my nightdress). He never let me forget and my mum never knew. Aged 15, I entered into a relationship with a man 2 years older, who continued the cycle of abuse on me and through God’s grace, strength, and mercy, I left him after 5 years. I have never been happier – I have a man who loves me, and he is a true gentleman. I can’t wait to have my own children and prove that those statistics are rubbish! I think some of us are so affected by our trauma that we will do everything in our power to ensure that it NEVER happens again!
I’m so very sorry for your hurt ~ but am overjoyed at the redemption in your story! Will be praying over you!
Thank you so much for this post! I hope that I did this correctly, I have a blog and really wanted to share this post on my blog. I posted a link directly to this blog (hope that’s okay and that I did it correctly as to give credit where due)
I have dealt with abuse in my past and have really never recovered/forgiven/truly dealt with what happened. I have pretty much just stuffed all the nasty memories away to the deepest darkest corner of my heart with the hopes they would just dissappear. I know that I need to deal with this but have never had anyone I felt safe sharing my experiences with. If you could please pray that I could find the strength/courage to find someone I could talk with, I don’t know where to start.
April – thank you for sharing our link! We always appreciate that! I also am grateful that you shared your story – will be praying for you as you continue to seek and learn your true beauty and value in Christ!
I’d recommend starting with your church if you have one – they often have women mentors you can connect with. You could also try a biblical counselor or something like Celebrate Recovery.
Little Warriors is a national charitable organization, based in Canada, focusing on the education and prevention of child sexual abuse. Little Warriors teaches adults how to help prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. In addition to prevention education, Little Warriors also provides information about the prevalence and frequency of child sexual abuse and information about healing and support resources. Little Warriors’ vision is to build the first of its kind treatment
centre for children, the Little Warriors Be Brave Ranch. http://www.littlewarriors.ca
Thanks for sharing your information!
AMEN AMEN AMEN!! Only Jesus can heal those wounds. Been there, done that, praise God I know He loves me, thank God I know that He has healed me and that I was able to forgive the one who hurt me. I don’t live in fear I live in the peace that is beyond all understanding.
I’m so thankful for the freedom you have found in Christ!
THis is one of those things you hate having to face again as an adult and try all your life avoiding the memories and hurt. I was abused the first 10 years of my life at the hands of my mother. I was then placed in an orphanage and fostered by my grandmother who I dearly loved. She was my life line during those years. After a year, she too gave me up for adoption. My grandmother was my mother’s mom. I was is the 2nd orphanage for 3 weeks at 10 years old and was adopted by my adoptive parents. They were never told about the abuse or that I had never been to school. My adopted dad was then my life. He and I were close like a father and daughter would be. My adoptive mother I don’t think ever learned to love me and my experience with women had never been good so we never really bonded. I lost both my real and adopted dad who never hurt me and actually protected me and I was left with 2 mothers who either tried to kill me or wanted nothing to do with me once my dad passed away. I am now 57 years old and for the first time since I was 10, I cried tears from the heart. I had always thought I was ok and survived because I didn’t feel any hurt or bitterness. It was over and that was that, you know, other than those pesky child abuse signals like self destructive behavior, lieing, promiscuity, disassociating from anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I would totally shut down inside. I could not speak if I wanted to. When I was young, I was expected to endure the pain, get up off the floor without injury and not cry. Crying was forbidden. I learned so well that disassociating was normal for me. I didn’t know is was a result from years of extreme abuse. I believe God in his mercy is healing my little girl heart. This is not an easy process since I thought I have always had control. I have never had control. God has always had control and now it’s time to move on to something better than a life without feeling but I have to feel the pain first. I know I will not have to go through this alone as my Heavenly Father will be with me every step of the way.
Sharon – I will be praying for you as you walk this journey. It will not be easy, but in the end it is worth every bit of pain.
God is here, He is present, He will redeem your broken heart, and He will use you to bring hope and healing to others!
“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” – Isaiah 61:3
Lindsey Hartz´s last [type] ..A Retreat Into Silence
Thank you Lindsey. I so appreciate your prayers. Makes me feel good to have someone standing with me.
I love what you guys are up too. Such clever work and coverage!
Keep up the good works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll.
kaftan images´s last [type] ..kaftan images