With three teenage boys in the house, I am protective about technology. Over the last few years we have encountered sexting, pornography, negative influences and more. It is tempting, as a mom, to pull the plug on technology. But, we have chosen not to forbid smart phones in our home but rather put some safeguards and boundaries in place to protect our boys eyes {and the eyes of their hearts}.
Here are some of the things we have put in place to help our sons make smart choices on their smart phones {pun intended}.
- Utilize apps and software to keep your boy safe. There are apps available that won’t allow texting while driving, GPS apps so you know where your child is and much, much more. Just like you put safeguards in place through software and passwords on your home computer, make sure that safety is a priority with your child’s cell phone as well.
- Know their password. Most cell phones give the user the ability to lock the phone with a code or a design. With my two younger boys {15 and 16 years old}, my husband and I are privy to those codes as a condition of having a phone. I don’t regularly snoop through their phone or have their code as a way to invade their privacy but at the same time, if I am concerned about a certain friend or doubtful of a story, I can read through recent text messages, etc {some phone companies will send parents a print out of texts as well}. My husband and I have told the boys from the first day of phone ownership that we make the rules for the phone as long as we pay the bill.
- Have a phone curfew. Teens need sleep as much as toddlers. For the same reason we don’t allow televisions and video games in the bedroom, cell phones have to be turned off at bed time.
- Remember that cell phones are a privilege not a right. My boys didn’t get their first cell phones until they “needed” them. For our oldest, it was when he got his first job. For our middle son, it came earlier because of involvement in traveling sports leagues. Our youngest is 15 and I practically forced him to get a phone recently :) Some kids get them much younger, some kids have to wait until they are older. It depends on the family. Just because their friends have one has not been a legitimate reason for owning a cell phone, particularly a smart phone in our home.
- Take advantage of the benefits. We utilize an app to sync our family calendar. My 16 year old is using an app to help him study for his SAT’s. There is something about texting that helps my boys communicate with me when they are too embarassed, nervous and even tired to talk to me about something in person. I treasure the “I love you” and “you’re the best mom ever” texts. I value being able to shoot an encouraging word when they are at a friends house or when I am at work.
It is crucial to remember that cell phones aren’t bad. But, bad things can be accessed and bad things can happen without proper guidance and safeguards.
At what age do you think a cell phone is appropriate for your boys? What rules would you add to our list?
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I was just thinking about this yesterday. My son is turning 13 in a month and I’m debating whether it’s time for him to have one. I know I will go with a pay as you go plan. Any “data” he would use would be over our wi-fi at our house or wherever it’s free for him to log on. We’d give him an allowance for minutes/texts. What I can’t decide is if I’m doing this just because everyone else is, or because it’s a good idea for him to have it. He’s my homebody, so there aren’t a lot of opportunities to use it “to call for a ride.” I imagine he’d use it to communicate with friends, but do boys really do that?
Our almost 13 year old got his phone about a year ago. We too got a “Go Phone” but we found out that for only $10 a month, you can add him to your plan and he can share your minutes. My incredibly smart husband had the foresight to add him to our Unlimited Texting plan. (We did not tell our son he had this option, we kept that to ourselves.) I’m so glad we did because we were not prepared for 12 year old girls!!!!! They swarmed his phone like flies at a picnic! Just a word of caution : )
Yes, I would agree with that warning. We had some pretty serious issues with our second son and inappropriate texts he received from an 8th grade girl. That is why I mentioned the know the password rule and my boys arent allowed to delete texts (although the phone deletes after a certain period of time). Keep an eye on the opposite sex texting!
Sara, has your son asked for a phone? If he has, try to get him to verbalize why he wants one- if his only reason is because everyone else has one he probably doesnt need one yet.
We were discussing this the other day. My hubby asked me, in front of the kids, when our oldest would be old enough for his own phone. He turned 12 last week.
My son immediately replied, “I don’t need one now! And if I did, it wouldn’t need to be fancy. All I need is to text and make calls. A flip phone would be fine.”
I was happy with his response! Most of his friends have phones, so I was expecting him to request one. We all agreed that now is not the right time. If the 12 year old is home alone, he uses his dad’s phone that stays home (dad usually uses his work phone for everything). If he’s with a friend, he uses the friend’s. When he’s older and in places where he would need to call for a ride or something, then we have no problem with giving him a phone. But for now, it’s not the time.
Can you please let me know which phone company will print out the texts? I’ve also heard that there is an app that send the parents every text the child gets as well. Names, people!!
You can email me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com and I will be happy to give you the name of the company.
Our almost 13 year old got one for his 12th birthday. I too wasn’t sure if it was because he needed it or because he was one of the last of his friends to get one. He does travel for sports and school activities and it has been quite nice to be able to communicate w him for that reason. BUT it’s a plain phone that comes w a LOT of rules!
I want to know what app you use to sync your family calendar??? That would be incredibly helpful for our family!
The one we use is called hatchedit. I have heard Cozi is good as well!
Another comment I would like to make. We have three boys-a senior, a junior and an 8th grader. We were not good about keeping those passwords available to us as the two older ones got older and things got really out of hand. Or our boys would change the password or delete texts (very common). I would really love the name of the phone company that will show the texts or the app or program that will copy and send to the parents.
feel free to email me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com and I will give you the name of the company.
This is so good, thank you. As my oldest is now 13, I’ve been thinking a lot about this stuff. Since we homeschool, it hasn’t been too much of an issue yet, but I just feel it on the horizon.
Getting my son a phone soon, mostly for necessity when we aren’t with him–but I’ll be referring to all of your guidelines for sure! thanks! aloha
Glad the tips were helpful, Monica!
Can you share the apps you use?
I really appreciate you approaching this subject and I will be pinning it as a resource to recommend and return back to!
Thanks,
Lisa
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Ladies–
also know that there are other ways to text/communicate besides the standard texting. There are apps that let you do this and there’s also an app for xbox live. These aren’t as easy to peruse as regular texting so it’s back to old style parenting in that you have to know what your kids are doing and what everyone else is doing and teaching them what’s right and wrong. Always a work in progress.