With the birth of my third son came the return of middle-of-the-night feedings, making sleep rare and valuable. To ensure I soaked up every possible minute of sleep, my husband woke up with our older two boys and fed them breakfast. My typical morning began when my husband nudged me awake right before he left for work.
Once awake I dragged my body down the stairs to the onslaught of requests: more milk, pour a different cereal, change the channel, and clean up recently poured, now spilled milk. Within 10 minutes of getting out of bed my patience fizzled, leaving a mixture of harsh and groggy responses.
My thoughts turned inward, “How can they ask for more breakfast when I haven’t even eaten my breakfast? Don’t they care about my needs?” Soon my grouchy mood rubbed off on my boys and by lunch we were a pretty miserable crew.
photo credit
Maximizing my mornings…
I didn’t like the mother I had become. What would our future looked like if I continued to live my life reacting instead of planning ahead and preparing for my day? During this difficult season of motherhood, a friend gently encouraged me to check out a website (www.inspiredtoaction) and an eBook (“Maximize your Mornings”). Given my desperation, I read through the book in one sitting.
Based on some ideas in the book, I started waking up just 5 minutes before my boys. Since we’ve worked hard to have the boys to stay in their room until the clock reads 7:00 a.m., my wake-up time was easy choose. Setting my alarm for 6:55 a.m. didn’t seem too challenging. During those 5 minutes I followed Kat’s suggestions: read a few verses in the Bible, say a brief prayer, complete push-ups for 30 seconds and sit-ups for 30 seconds, then glance at my calendar.
Only five minutes less of sleep transformed the entire direction of my day.
You see my boys have strong personalities. They can smell weakness a mile away. When I rolled out of bed and attempted to take charge, we all knew I wasn’t up for the challenge. It’s hard to lead from behind.
But given those 5 minutes I started one step ahead of my boys. Having spent time in God’s Word (even just a minute) gave me truth to dwell on throughout the day. A momentary prayer dedicated my day to God’s purpose instead of worrying about my needs and my plans.
Attempting to be patient by will power alone was impossible. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. In order to be filled with the Spirit required time on my knees in surrender.
A minute of exercise seems pathetic to a hard-core athlete. But to a mom of three young children a minute of sit-ups and push-ups was better than zero minutes. Every athlete has to start somewhere.
For the past two years I have joined the #hellomornings (official twitter hashtag) community waking up early. “Waking up for my children instead of to my children”. (particularly during the hard months of pregnancy with our fourth son & through those months of interrupted sleep with a newborn). Slowly over those two years I’ve moved my wake-up time to 5:30 or 6:00 (depending on when I go to bed…).
If you are entering 2013 exhausted, feeling constantly behind or overwhelmed by your children, consider joining me in waking up before the demands of the day rush at you. Even just five minutes a day can make a difference.
Interested? Here are my tips for waking up early:
- Check out the HelloMornings website and subscribe to get regular posts via email.
- Read the “Maximize your Mornings” eBook…quick read I promise!
- Sign up for a Twitter or Facebook HelloMornings group (registration starts today, January 16th, the winter challenge begins January _______)
- Don’t lose sleep. A sleep-deprived mommy is a grumpy mommy. Go to bed five minutes earlier. (As you wake up earlier and earlier, go to bed earlier and earlier. Set a “go to bed” alarm if you need one.)
- Designate a “spot” for your morning. I have a leather chair. Kat created a “mom cave” in her closet. It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just a place you can wake up, mindlessly find your Bible, journal, calendar without wasted time.
- Give yourself grace. There will be mornings you sleep in. Just try again the next day. Sleep in on the weekends. Whatever works for you and your family.
Heather–what a great post (one that I was in need of today for sure). My youngest son (age 3) was up and ready to go at 5 this morning…I, however, was not.
Would love to know your tips on how to keep a youngin’ like this in bed until 7:00!!! Anyways, I really appreciate all of these great tips and they are so true. Getting immersed in the Bible (first thing in the morning), seems to give me the inner peace I crave, not to mention the grace I need in order to handle my children appropriately. 
Jenny Lee Sulpizio´s last [type] ..Write On, Mom!
Thanks Jenny for your encouragement! Yes, the “inner peace I crave” & “the grace to handle my children appropriately”. As far as tips for helping a 3 year old…tricky. Our 3-yr-old shares a room with his older brothers. So with positive peer pressure he stays in the room. Other “tricks” we have tried is if they come out before 7 am, my husband gently returns them to the room and they have to stay in the room until 7:15 (if they are too little to read the clock he says he will come get them when it’s time). My husband is very good at being the “shield” between my children and me in the morning…handling the early-morning risers. I know thats not the case for all husbands. But he has seen such a positive change in me that he is willing to take on that role. Now once my oldest started 1st grade we moved his wake up time to 6:30 am on the weekdays. Another tip for helping the 3 year old is we had a guest room the boys did not like (don’t know why it’s so peaceful and clean…unlike the rest of the house). If the boys arose too early we gently took them to the guest room until it was time to wake up. To them this was a strong enough consequence they stopped waking up early. Would love to hear ideas other moms have tried.
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
This is exactly where I am right now. I had my third child three months ago and I feel like I’m always behind. I already wake up before my family on weekdays since I have to be at work. But weekends are terrible. My boys wake up early and I’m lucky to get a shower. I’ve been contemplating joining the hello mornings challenge. Your post made me see that it can work for someone in my situation. Thank you!
The great thing about the HelloMornings challenge is there are no real rules. Some women don’t wake up early during the weekends. Some don’t do exercise or planning, just time with God. Some do mainly exercise in the morning and time with God later in the day. The purpose is accountability. Knowing others are waking early helped me keep the habit going. Let me know if you have any other questions about the challenge!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
Thank you so much for this! I have a 3 year old boy who wakes ready to have a million questions, a 15 month old little girl who thinks the only way to wake up is me holding her the first 30 minutes of her day, and another little girl due April 20! I am not a morning person, so I’ve known for some time that I had to do something. I have been waking earlier than the children to get into the word and that has made a difference. I’ll be signing up on Facebook with hello mornings while checking out your other 2 suggestions!
oh the 3 year old question asker! And the 15 month old…while pregnant. Sister, I just prayed grace for you today. I’ve been where you are and those were the giving years. Praying you are able to fill your cup in some way today so you can pour out to those needy souls. Praying for time to sit and cuddle. Thankful you will be joining us this session. Be blessed sweet mother.
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
You sound like me! My #3 is due March 13. At that time I will have an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old! It’s scary, isn’t it?!
My order is girl, boy, girl
Wow, i was yelling and slamming doors by 9:30 this morning. I need help planning!!!!! Thanks, i am willing to give anything a try.
I had a day last week where I had an unusual 3 am feeding with the 10 month old. It undid me for the next day. I slept in to make up for my interrupted sleep. Which meant I started way behind the boys and so tired. The rhythm of the rest of my day was completely affected. My selfish mom took over and it wasn’t pretty. Hope you find hope and guidance through the new Hello Mornings website and Kat’s wonderful book (it’s free!). If you have any additional questions, just let me know!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
My kids wake up at different times every day and I’m always so desperate to get as much sleep as possible. Advice?
My first question is how old are your kids? And then what time do they go to bed?
My boys are 7,5,3,10 months. Everyone is in bed by 8 pm. And they get up at 6:30 (weekdays…with new school schedule) and 7 am (weekends). So that’s about 10 hours of sleep.
I need about 7-8 hours of sleep to function as a good mom. So I try to go to bed 7-8 hours before my planned wake up time. If I want to get up at 6 am (giving me 30 minutes before the boys are allowed out of their room) then I need to be in bed between 10 pm and 11pm.
As far as keeping your kids in their room before a designated time, see my tips to Jenny above. Maybe some other readers have advice, too?
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
“Wake up FOR your kids, not TO your kids” my heavens just that saying will change my mornings, and the grumpy environment that has taken over. It truly can spread like wildfire through every member of the house hold. Thank you so much for this wonderful post and happier mornings to all. God bless
Don’t you love that phrase Janett? Full credit goes to Kat Lee. I have so much to thank her for. She has transformed my mothering approach in so many important ways. Thanks for your encouragement!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
Thank you so much for your post! I saw this on a day that was definitely beneficial for me to read it! I have a 3 year old boy and a 22 month old boy (18 months apart). They have very strong personalities and are typical “boys”. Every morning I pray that today will be a good day…that today I will have peace and loving control over my boys. About 5 minutes later that hopeful optimism is squashed! I will definitely try your method; I’ll try anything at this point! What was so calming for me was to read the other Moms’ comments on the situations that they are in. It is so refreshing to hear these stories and to realize that we are not alone! God bless you, and all those other Moms out there going through this difficult season of life. I pray for peace, serenity and joy for us all!!
Oh sister you are in the challenging years. And yet when I watch videos of my boys at that time I miss it (never thought I’d be the mom to say that!). Strong boys are hard to lead. I’ve found the more time I spend connecting with their hearts (eye contact, cuddles, paying attention to what interests them), the more they are willing to listen to my instruction. You are definitely not alone in your season of toddler boys. Lots of grace and rest for you friend!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
Great post, something I definitely needed to read today. I’ve found myself being grumpy with my boys every morning as I get pounded with request after request. This helps, thanks!
so thankful it was helpful to you. hope today was a better day. if not, try again tomorrow. His mercies are new every. single. morning.
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
unfortunately, I have a son who will not stay asleep or in his room until 7am. He’s been waking up between 5 and 6:30 and will scream and cry until I go get him. I have tried just letting him cry but he won’t stop. Every morning it’s a different time. And my husband is gone in the mornings so there is no way he can act as any sort of buffer to keep the child in the room. I have even locked the door but he just screams and bangs at the door until I come get him. This is all well and good if your kids are good sleepers and actually wake up on a schedule, but not every kid is that way.
Aprille´s last [type] ..When I’m not enough to be a good mother
You make a very good point Aprille. Not all children stay in their rooms or are old enough to do so (don’t know how old your son is?). When my husband has week-long business trips I have to get creative. Again, Kat Lee, gave me some ideas for handling the early morning risers and still getting my quiet time. She has a basket with children’s Bibles/devotionals/etc, sticks with the names of people to pray for on each stick (check out #3 on this post: http://godcenteredmom.com/2012/05/04/few-favorites-friday-home-alone-edition/ ), and gives them a cup of hot chocolate. Love it! Helping them learn to have time with the Lord. Modeling it in front of them. Awesome!
Other moms may turn on a T.V. show or iPad game, which works if that fits your family’s choices. Perhaps this may not be the season for you to wake up early. I would never pretend to have the answer for all moms. Just sharing what has worked for me with a house full of young boys. Praying for rest for you!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
I haven’t checked out the resources, but I am hoping it’s a good fit for me. Getting ready to have baby #3 and my two biggest fears are: 1.) breastfeeding while chasing around a one and two year old and 2.) losing my mornings to sleep. Having a group to talk to and motivate me to get out of bed even 5 minutes earlier sounds like a great thing for my second fear
Thanks so much for the encouragement and the resources!
The best part of having #3 is your oldest two can play together. I also created a basket of books to keep by our couch. Before the baby even arrived I practiced sitting on the couch reading them stories…calling it “mommy time”. Then when it was time to nurse you didn’t have to say, “sorry I can’t play I have to feed the baby”, instead you can call them to the couch and warmly invite them to join you in “mommy time”. If they don’t like to sit still and listen to books, my mentor said her boys would play with cars quietly, or legos while she read aloud. Praying you will benefit as much as I did from waking just 5 minutes earlier! Congrats on baby#3!!
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
Thank you for this message. I have a 7 yr old boy and 11 yr old girl. I have been noticing that I am not the most pleasant in the morning, Preparing myself, waking up my son, telling them to hurry up, getting breakfast and lunches ready, telling them to hurry up and eat their breakfast and bossing them around just gets me in a stressed mood. think it all stems from feeling rushed and not feeling calm in the morning. I do set the alarm early but I don’t take the time to pray before I start the day and to be prepared ahead of them. Receiving them for breakfast with a joyful heart seems much more appealing than the stressed and rushed one I often feel. Surrendering that need for control to The Lord is perhaps what I need to start my day. I will endeavor to make this change.
Oh sweet soul! I can totally picture the morning you describe…been there. Soooo not my favorite way to start the day, but it happens sometimes. Praying you find waking up just 5 minutes before your kids help you feel more in control of your day. Grace.
Heather´s last [type] ..How a Change in Tense Changes Choices
I do get up before my children, about an hour, and it’s a wonderful help. My problem is that my children need the same amount of sleep as I do, so they don’t settle down at night until at least an hour after I’d like to be in bed.
We have a bed time routine, but I have no clue how to keep them in bed after the routine is finished. They simply aren’t tired. (my 3 year old doesn’t even take naps) And they screamed for hours, when I tried that method. Any suggestions? My wee ones are 1 and 3.
I have four boys as well and I feel so very validated reading this! I am not the only one who seems to be the least in controle in the mornings! I now have a new perspective! Thank you!
Why in the world am I just discovering you now! I’m devouring all your recent posts and love this one because I have come to treasure my mornings. Such great stuff you are posting. I’m a mom of 4 boys and so happy to know about this blog. Thanks!