Dear Teachers,
And babysitters, caregivers, and everyone else who takes care of my kids when I’m not around:
Thank you. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for coming up with new and different ways for them to see and experience the world. Thank you for freeze-dancing and fire-safety training, field trips and silly songs. Thank you for helping them learn and grow and become.
I appreciate you. Truly, truly I do.
I have something to ask of you as well. I know they are a challenge – I am with them the other 16 hours of the day that you are not. I know they are strong-willed and capricious. I know they are stubborn and argumentative. I know they make wrong choices, and don’t always pay attention.
I know they can be exhausting. I know.
So, I beg you – please. Please, please – tell me what they are doing right. There must be something. Anything. Share with me their successes. Tell me of their triumphs. I know the endless write-ups and time-outs and infractions are what’s top of mind at the end of their time with you, but it can’t be all that there is. There must be more to their day you can tell me than what they are doing wrong.
I know they are going to be amazing men one day. Their willingness to go against the grain, to seek new paths, to challenge the norm – these things will make them great leaders and innovators. (I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs spent a lot of recesses in time-out.) They are absorbing information at a rate that, to me, is alarming. They are bright, and hopeful, and they love you so very much. I hope you see this in them as well. I know that you are doing so much for them that is good. I hope you can see that you are.
If you can, tell me. I have them when they are tired and hungry and sick. You have them when they are at their best, trying their hardest, doing their utmost to succeed. Tell me what you see that is good. I need to hear it from you.
Sincerely,
Exhausted, but Hopeful Mother
Amen!!! Can I completely copy this & give to DS’s teachers??? You said this so beautifully well. Since I drop DS off at preschool in the mornings, DH picks him up in the afternoon — and I don’t get to ask the progress reports at the end of the day. It would be so nice to know what he’s doing well in, in what areas he’s succeeding in, what areas he’s struggling with. Or just to know at the end of the day that he was happy there.
Glad this resonated with you! Feel free to share it!
It wasn’t long but the few words I read in this entry broke my heart in so many ways. For the mom and for the kids. Our children are precious. They are only young once and they grow so very quickly. I used to be an elementary school teacher in a public school. I met moms desperate to hear something good from me or anyone about their kids. Many of them longed to know their children better, to be closer to them. Each time I saw this, I little piece of me cried out in pain for them. I assure you, as a teacher (and now a mom), that every child does good, has sparkling moments and is as precious as can be, even if they are the ones who talk too much, throw paper wads, are mean to little Susie or little Johnny or kill the classroom hamster to see what will happen to the little creature (yes, that was a really really bad day for all of us, but we got through it!!). Mom, I know you’re weary and want to hear it, BUT please remember something of great, extreme importance: your worth or value and your child’s worth or value does not come from what someone — a teacher, a baby sitter or anyone else, says. Your worth comes from your Father, your Abba, in heaven. A relationship with Him means that you don’t have to seek any human’s approval or validation, instead you find your worth in the One who made you!
I am no longer a public school teacher. But I am still a teacher — of school and like. I know that I am very blessed and I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity to NOT have to send my precious boys off to classrooms and preschools and babysitters and day care. That for me was the HARDEST thing I ever almost had to do. We chose to home school our children – and love every moment of it — the good days where it seems like we could literally change the world with the stroke of our pencils and, believe it or not, the bad days where everyone (including mom), is either crying or about to. But through it all, we get to be the ones to see our kids at their best and their worst, we get to be a part of their every discovery, triumph and failure and therefore we get to be the ones to help shape how they view themselves, their neighbors and their world. We get to be the ones to help them to read, write, make a baking soda rocket or care for a pet, to explore this beautifully created world. We are the ones who guide them in how to navigate the things that we all have to go through in life — the good, bad and ugly, not baby sitters, day care givers and teachers. We were broken in sadness when we thought of sending our boys off to those others who would get to spend more time with them than we would, and as a by product, have more influence on their lives than their father and I would. I know I am blessed to be able to stay home with my boys and I am not judging anyone for making personal, independent choices to send their kids to school. I am giving the other side of this coin, however. I know it is a gift and I treasure it beyond words. I know that not every mom and dad have that choice. It is a sacrifice on our part, but well worth it. We do not take vacations or drive new cars or live in a fancy house, have fancy toys or a savings account, so please don’t think we are well off and that is what makes it possible. But to be honest, those material things don’t matter one bit to us when we think of the treasure of having our boys grow up in our care and love, knowing that the LORD who made all this possible is the one who leads and directs us as we rear and teach and guide and direct and love on our kids ourselves, even when, they are sick, or stubborn, or talk too much, or put the cat in a cardboard box, or pop a neighbor’s windshield with a sling shot rock, or are mean to little Susie or Johnny next door, but also when they make one of us a homemade from scratch birthday cake, or tell us they prefer not to stay home and watch a movie by themselves, but come with their father and I “because they enjoy being with us”. As they grow older, I find I cherish each one of those good AND BAD moments. They are in high and middle school now – we still home school and it’s still the best decision we ever made. Our time with each of them is growing shorter by the day — their father and I talk often about how hard and how incredibly wonderful that is.
Blessing to you all!
Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Ps 25:4
Thank you for your thoughtful comments!
This letter really brought tears to my eyes. I have a 5 year old boy who just started kindergarten this year. He is in a wonderful charter school. I have only one due to the fact that I can’t have any more. My son is your all american typical boy. He is loud, energetic, thinks everything is a trampoline. He loves his trucks and cars and everything in the house is also a ramp, track, etc. But he is also the most precious, loving, kind, and funny little boy. He is having a hard time adjusting to school and I do hear things from his teacher. But I also do hear of the good things he does. I think we have the perfect teacher for him as well. She is the most patient woman I have ever met and I do know that my son can test the patience of a saint. I am very thankful for Mrs. Mora (his teacher) and I really commend all of the people in this United States and int he world that have decided to become teachers. I believe that this is one of THE HARDEST jobs and you all have a special gift.
So to all of the teachers out there, thank you for all that you do and for doing your best to help our children learn and keep them safe.
Amen to that!
When I was in the classroom (I taught high school history) I made it a point to call parents or send notes home when students did well or showed exceptional kindness to another student, etc… It’s important that parents know when their children are succeeding, not just in academics, but as well-rounded human beings. My husband is also a teacher and I know he calls parents on a regular basis with good reports for the same reason.
Jennifer – I’m so glad you and your husband make such a point to be positive with your students! This was definitely not written as an attack on teachers, but as a cry for those of us with kids who struggle to follow rules and fit in. Thanks for giving your time and energy to the blessing of so many families!
This fit me perfectly.I have a son wild mild autism. There have been timed whe I would have given my right arm to here something positive. Thsnk you for sharing!
Jackie – I’m so glad this resonated with you! Be blessed as you walk this journey with your sweet boy!
Beautifully written and a great reminder of why I always start and end with the positive when I talk to parents, especially for challenging kids. It was nerve wracking to be on the parent side of things when my son started school last year. But we have been blessed with two great teachers so far (last year and this year) who do get to know him and see the good stuff too
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Cari´s last [type] ..Touchstone
Thank you, Cari! That’s the crux of it right there – teachers taking the time to get to know these kids and see the good in them, too.
Such a great reminder to all caregivers and educators – having once been a public school teacher, I can say that I would greatly appreciate this reminder.
Well-written, Adelle! And for the record? I have “those” kind of boys, too.
You’re not alone, girlfriend!
Natalie Snapp´s last [type] ..(in)courage Session Seven: The Joy Of New Clothes
My first teaching job was at a private school where parents sent their children to excel. Average was not acceptable for most of these parents (and in my mind, unless average is their best, it shouldn’t be). I picked up the phone one day to call a mom about her son’s poor grade in my class. I had been warned that she was difficult to talk to about her kids, so I steeled myself and dialed. She answered the phone, and I introduced myself. The next words out of her mouth floored me: “Oh G–! What did he do wrong now?” My heart broke right then and there, and I proceeded to tell her how terrific I thought her kid was, and how he had worked above his level on a particularly hard assignment. She began to cry and said that this was the first positive phone call she had gotten about him in 3 years. I determined that day to make one good phone call for every negative one I made, and to always find something good in each kid.
Now I work in a totally different environment with tiered learners who are greatly under-resourced and most are from difficult homes. Those parents (and kids) still need the positive feedback. Single moms (and dads), grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, older siblings trying to keep their family together and out of foster care…they desperately need good news about their kid.
And as a mom, I know how gratifying it is to have people see things in my son that I don’t always recognize.
Thank you for a well written letter, so many times I have wish to hear a good report, and so many times I felt so alone, thank you for this website, when I need encouragement and when I feel all aalone I come visit. Thanks again and may I also copy and share with my little. Soldiers teachers, you expressed my feelings exactly. A grateful single-mom.
Cher – that’s why these forums and websites are so important so that you know that you are NOT alone – no matter what you are going through! You may share this however you like. Be blessed!