This is a long post but hopefully the ending will inspire you.
We are going through a tough season as parents. As many of you know, we are raising three strong willed little boys. Each has their own set of challenges, victories and defeats. In the last month seems like we take two steps forward and one step back.
Thing 1 is our oldest and currently in 1st grade. He doesn’t like school because it is too hard. He begrudges any time that takes him away from playing in the afternoons. Dinner, homework and baths are our battle field. When you only get 2 hours of play time a day, it is frustrating when ANYTHING encroaches on that time…including running errands with mommy, allergy shots, etc. When things don’t go his way Thing 1 resorts to temper tantrums and seething and sassy comments to his parents and Grammy. There is a lot of anger and frustration in our child and I feel inadequate most days to handle it. How do I show him grace and still teach self discipline and self control? How do I keep his respect and honor? We talk about God’s word and the commandments in the bible, but it is still a heart issue. We know that some of his frustration comes from school and we are addressing that issue (to be discussed in a later post). We have instituted a 3 strikes policy which is helping with the sassiness, but other than prayer, how do I teach my son to be selfless, to have a servant’s heart, to be more like Christ? These are questions I wrestle with and an area I feel like we struggle.
Thing 2 is our middle son. He too has some of the same struggles as Thing 1, specifically, self discipline and self control. Lately, Thing 2’s moods swing from happy and outgoing to sad and self loathing. At school his moods are high, the MINUTE he get in my car to come home he turns into another child. I don’t even want to talk to him because if I ask him a question he starts throwing a fit and it continues from there until he gets a strike or has to spend an hour in his room. He then screams for the rest of the trip home because is in trouble and destroys his room when he gets home and gets in even more trouble. It is so bad, that I don’t want to pick my own child up from school because I dread the drive home.
Our third son, Thing 3, is my control freak. He must control everything around him and throws tantrums, gets sassy and threatens to crush himself (all of which he has learned from Thing 1 and Thing 2). He must control every bite of food that goes in his mouth, every piece of clothing that goes on his body, every show on television, where he sits in the room, etc. (He struggles with Sensory Processing Disorder)
DO YOU SEE WHERE I MIGHT BE TIRED, DISCOURAGED, and OVERWHELMED?
After a good cry, I posted on Facebook “Being a parent should not be this hard.” A friend pointed out that with all the frustration I feel with the job of parenting only 3 boys, can you imagine how our heavenly father feels about parenting us.” This reminded me of my bible study lecture by Kristen this week. How does God feel when His gift of grace is wasted? He made the ultimate sacrifice for us and we cheapen and swindle it over and over? The theme has popped up several times in the last few weeks. I love it and hate it when that happens. So I ask myself, how am I like a child that needs to control everything, that wants it all now, that doesn’t control my words and says and does things that makes me unholy, ungodly, ineffective and unfruitful. See attached link for entire lesson on “Cheap Grace”.
Finally, I am so tired. The battles seem never ending. The war seems unwinnable. I am at my lowest in days, I feel horrible (another story) so what do I do? I start playing “Words with Friends”. Guess what my letters spelled? H-E-A-V-E-N! Did you get chills? I did. Do you hear God speaking? I did. It is not my job to win the war. God will do that for me. It is my job to put on my armor of Christ and go to battle until that glorious day when I get to heaven and my battle is over! I have hope and so I will get up and try again and again and pray harder and harder for my heart and my children’s hearts and know that the harder I fight for me and for them, Satan will fight harder and dirtier! I guess that means I am doing something right!
Mary
Ps: Heaven was worth 69 points!
I used to be an email administrator, but I gave that up to stay at home with my 3 wonderful boys. Now I work 2 part time jobs as an office manager and as a teacher’s assistance. In my spare time (ha, ha) I am a teacher, nurse, referee, maid, cook, appointment scheduler, chauffeur, life coach, etc for my husband and kids. I can’t complain, I am living my dreams…sometime nightmares…but am truly blessed.
http://thekerstiens.blogspot.
Wow, this post is really convicting! I have 5 boys, two teenagers and three under 2 years old. While I feel blessed that I don’t have these problems, it’s still early! Thank you for the reminder that I, too, am a controlling little brat and to be thankful for that grace! Prayers for you and your little ones!
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Hi! I felt your frustration in your post and also the freedom of knowing you can leave these boys at Jesus’ feet. Only God can change hearts. I’m a mom to only boys too and I can see my sons in some of what you described. One thing that took me several years to learn about my youngest is that he is a different kid when he’s hungry. I can’t get through to his heart, AT ALL, if his blood sugar is low. Just thought I’d share that. Parenting this very strong willed boy who took every ounce of my energy truly got easier when I figured out that some (most) of his meltdowns were related to hunger. He doesn’t say he’s hungry, in fact he denies it, but when I have him eat by the clock the difference is amazing. Just wanted to share in case it helps someone else!
Good point about the food! I know for one I’m at my worst when I’m hungry and I’ve found that my son too is this way. He’s much easier to handle if I feed him even when it doesn’t make sense—like 3 in the morning!
Hi Mary, I’m so sorry for this valley time you’re going through as a mom. It’s really, really hard, isn’t it? I have triplets who turned 7 in May so I understand a little of the “3 whirlwinds at once” kind of life you’re leading. My middle son sounds alot like your older 2 with the furious tantrums and lashing out about his playtime being interrupted. We called him the “mad hornet” when he was a baby because of that temper and I thought I’d never seen him go through a day when he was happy and content more than he was angry. I discovered an amazing tool in the book, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. around year 4 I really felt hopeless about him and came across the book. It was a last resort, using the specific scriptures and prayers directed at his specific needs. I started going in at night when the house was finally quiet and going to battle in the Word and prayer, literally putting my hands on his head, his heart as I prayed and declared the Word over him. After a time, I realized that he really was beginning to calm, to laugh, to move between activities easier. Today, he still has some rough edges and still doesn’t like to put down the XBox when his hour is finished. But no question he is loving and thoughtful and actually quite charming (he’s learning how to use that tool on others now). I can’t remember the last time I had to hand down a consequence because he refused to behave. I share this because there definitely is hope (Biblical hope, not wishy-washy thinking) that the valley will end. some of it is just plain maturing and learning from older kids. But there are a lot of weapons for us moms to wield in the Word and in our prayers. I didn’t take that seriously for the first few years of parenting, but am so thankful that God is helping me see just how much He provides for us in the tools He has given. Keep doing the good work you’ve started and keep trusting that God has good and pleasant days for your family ahead!
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Praying for you, feeling for you. I have a son with Sensory Processing Disorder as well and I feel that ‘control’ thing. You are raising truly Godly men, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Keep up the good work sister!
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I feel your frustration. I have a stubborn, mouthy 2nd grader who fights school (We homeschool). “It’s boring.” I have a severely ADHD 4th grader with sensory processing disorder. His twin brother tries to figure out where he fits and a K-5 little girl who gives us comic relief. I also struggle to balance grace and discipline. Hang in there. You are not alone.
This article is salve to my soul. Thank You. (this note comes with prayers for better days ahead)
For what it’s worth, as I continue reading the comments above, I am gaining incredible insight from a book called “Boys Adrift.” I can’t recommend it enough.
WOW! I really needed to read that today! I have 8 & 6 year old boys and….WHEW….let’s just say I never realized it would be this hard! I had 2 sisters so when my BOYS came along I was completely blindsided! I had no idea how to raise boys (still don’t LOL) but with the help of my hubby we are at least muddling though. I still cry at night sometimes when I’m feeling guilty because I “forced” (thier words, not mine) them to go to bed so mama could have some “mama & daddy time” (code for I’m tired of talking to little people). So I really needed to read this today, we WILL make it through, and I WILL raise Godly men with the help of my precious Savior! THANKS!
I feel led to share the following verses with you and hope they encourage your heart:
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. – Hebrews 10:35-36
Being a mom is God’s will for your life and I agree that it’s not always easy…but He promises that when we persvere we will be richly rewarded. YAY!
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. – Romans 5:3-4
Sometimes we suffer as mommas…my feelings have been hurt by my boys’ words and actions a number of times lately. I’ve been called names, feel unappreciated, and just want peace and quiet. But God promises HOPE as we persevere through these difficult times. All he asks is that we turn to HIM and realize that we can’t do it all on our own (even though we think we can,right?)
Hang in there momma…raising boys to be Godly men is no easy task but when we go to the source that created us, we can overcome!
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Very cool, thanks.
It’s comforting to know that there are others who feel frustrated, tired and just plain inadequate for the challenge of raising Godly men. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who struggles or has a hard time taming the wild beasts that my boy can be. I find myself watching other Moms with envy as they sit with their little boys neatly folded in their laps, playing quietly and calmly in public places. Meanwhile my little boy is either throwing a tantrum or having a contest with himself called “how loud can I scream?”. I love my boy with my whole being and just the way he is. I tell myself God must have known that ultimately I could handle it (with His help) or He would never have entrusted me with such a strong-willed little man. Prayers going up for you (and for all of us).
Wow! Thank you for your transparency and honesty. Convicting, encouraging words here. May God grant you wisdom and peace.
As I read your post it brought back memories for me. I’m also the mom of three boys and recall the days of picking them up from school, only to have them break into fistfights before we even got home. Our family stress level was high and it felt like we were running a rat race. Then about two years ago we embarked on a journey I never imagined (something the Lord brought us to.. believe me, we never would have considered it without His nudging). We decided to homeschool our boys. When we made the decision I was terrified. I wondered how we would handle spending so much time together when the time we had been spending was full of strife. But we were surprised and delighted to see that once we brought them home, everyone’s stress level dropped and we actually had more harmony and joy in our family. We’re now starting our third year of homeschooling (the boys are 12, 10 & 8) and it has been one of the biggest and most unexpected blessings in our lives. My non-homeschooling friends find it hard to believe that it’s actually less work to teach them at home than it was to run around all the time and then let homework suck up all our family time. It’s not rocket science to teach students you’ve known and loved since before they were even born. Really! I am no more patient than anyone else. Anyway, I’ve become passionate about the subject and just had to throw in my two cents. Hang in there!
Oh my, this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. It is nice to know it’s not just me. My oldest is in 1st grade and this year we are homeschooling. I made the choice to better fit his needs but it does put me face to face with the struggles( emotionally, etc.) that he deals with every day. I’ve been wondering if I should seek outside help because he can get so worked up over what seems like small things to me and then I have to try to calm him down. He is also very controlling and I’m trying to make sure my forms of discipline aren’t modeling controlling behavior. It’s been an especially overwhelming month for me.
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shellac nails should last for about two weeks, which for
the day was home to Ted Baker for LFW. Will definately be getting Shellac on my nails it
was a slightly lighter pinky-coral which I actually preferred to the bottle colour!
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