I’m raising two rough and tumble, loud, aggressive, highly physical boys—and I affectionately refer to them as…
Those boys.
You know, the ones that often end up with letters behind their names? (ADHD, not PhD… just in case you were wondering).
For days that aren’t so loud.
For hearts that acquiesce.
For smaller, less dramatic reactions to their problems.
For a little more “go-with-the-flow,” and a little less “dig their heels in the ground.”
For builders instead of CRASH-ers.
For tossers instead of throwers.
For hand shakes instead of tackles.
For pouting instead of hitting.
A case for “those” boys
The one criticism I hear of my boys over and over again is that “they’re just so rough!” Sometimes it comes after they’ve gotten too excited wrestling with a friend. Other times it comes veiled as a statement in passing…”they’re wild as bucks!” but I know what it means.
What they’re really saying is, “you should control your children better.” “You’re doing something wrong.” Or worse… “There’s something wrong with your kids, and I don’t want my kids around them.”
It’s taken me seven years to be able to firmly reject those words as lies.
Believe me friends, I know my boys. No one knows them better than me. And because they live their lives out loud, I know what’s in their hearts. I know when they have an issue with sin because it rears its ugly head loud and clear through their over the top actions.
They wear their hearts on their sleeves.
And finally, I can say that I’m glad.
It’s the same sin
My husband and I sat with our toes in the sand a few weeks ago during a much-needed time of togetherness, alone. And like most parents who finally get some time away from their kids, we talked about them the whole time.
We counted our blessings, renewed our vision, and thanked God for giving us “those” boys.
We decided that it’s actually a blessing to have boys who share (and wear) their hearts and emotions so openly. Because while we may not always know how to handle our boys, we always know what’s in their hearts. And that’s most of the battle.
You see, when a boy is quiet—pouting instead of hitting, walking away instead of tackling, hiding his thoughts and feelings from his parents and those around him—it’s easy to think his heart is all good, and overlook the way he might be sinning that no one can see.
But it’s the same sin.
The reaction is different. It looks and feels different, but the heart issue is the same.
How do I know?
I looked like a good girl, a model Christian, someone you would’ve wanted your children to be around. But my heart was far from God.
The outside of the cup looked clean, but the inside was dirty.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be someone whose sins are less visible…but it’s often the silent ones that are most deadly—the ones no one can see that are left to fester and grow.
May I speak to our hearts for a minute moms? All moms?
Whether you have a quiet boy, or one of “those” boys, your boys still sin. And most likely, though their reactions may look different on the outside, the heart of a quiet boy and the heart of one of “those” boys are much more alike than they are different.
Pin it and link back here!
A quiet boy isn’t better than my loud ones. My loud ones aren’t better than your quiet ones. Not in the eyes of God.
So why do we want them to change?
Isn’t it really more for our sake than theirs?
It hurts me when they don’t get invited to birthday parties, or when I see the judgmental stares. Mom, dad, I see when you move your boys away from mine, and it stings. Because I’ve learned that “these” boys of mine? It’s just who they are. And it takes all different kinds of men to change the world.
So today, I’m believing this:
God made my boys (and yours?) loud, stubborn, and ready to tackle life head-on because it best serves His purpose for their lives. And maybe they WILL have letters other than ADHD behind their names one day. Something like:
Rescuer of the innocent
Fighter for justice
Hero for the helpless
Tackler of the enemy
Stubborn for righteousness
Crasher of plans for evil
Loud for the Lord
Question? Can you do me a favor today friends? I have this feeling that the majority of boy moms who find their way to the MOB Society blog do so because they have at least one of “those” boys, and just don’t know what to do. Your boy might look a little different than mine, but if you’re a mom of “those” boys, you get it. You know what I’m saying.
Would you proudly raise your hand to say, “That’s me. I have one (or more) of “those” boys, and I love them more than life. I vow today to fight for them as hard as I can.”
If that’s you, just leave a comment. All you have to do is say, “me.” Tell the world so other moms know they’re not alone.
If you’re ready to fight for your boys, read the next post in the “those” boys series, “Praying for “those” hard-to-handle boys.”
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Please know that this article is in no way attempting to make excuses for poor, inappropriate, or sinful behavior. It IS attempting to begin a battle for “those” boys, and ask the world around them to see their value and worth.
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I was/am one of “those girls” and I’m proud to say that I am raising one of “those boys”.
Me! I have at least one, maybe two. Thought my younger one was more quiet, but he’s starting to hold his own with his brother. Thank you for the encouragement and fresh perspective.
That’s how it was at our house too, Heather. I thought my #1 son was strong-willed until #2 came and blew him out of the water!
I am a proud mom with 2 of ‘those’ boys!!! Thank you for helping to instill more confidence in me as a mom. I may not always know what to do with them, but God does and they are perfect in His eye.
Meaghan´s last [type] ..Our Family Rhythm (Part 1)
Amen friend!
Me! I have one of those boys and one of those girls! They are my greatest challenges and my biggest blessings!
Me!!
ME! I have two of those boys! Thank you for your encouraging words today.
Me! And this post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Just last night I was throwing my arms up in the air wondering what to do with “those boys.” In the end, I simply wrapped those arms around both of them and held them tight!
We call those “big, squishy boy hugs.” (Smile)
LOVE this Melissa! Sometimes, those hugs are all we can do and EXACTLY what they need…to feel loved, safe, and accepted no matter what.
Me!! Thanks for the encouragement to see having one of “those boys” as a blessing. I am excited to see what God will do in the life of my wild child.
They’re a double blessing, aren’t they? They not only bring something good, and needed to the world, but they also move us out of our comfort zone and challenge us to grow with them.
I am a mum to 3 of ‘those’ boys and I am tired, so very tired. Yet, I will not give up. I just need to rest closer to Jesus and fall back on prayer instead of worry.
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Yes! I’m reading The Circle Maker right now…a book on prayer. I highly recommend it.
I thought that was direct to my heart, it almost made me cry, I have one of those boys and I love him with all my heart…
Direct from my heart to yours Rocio. I’ve circled you in prayer, and all of these other boy moms who need hope from God in this area today.
Me
I have twins and one of them is this..me.
ME, but I think ALL my kids are loud and energetic! I’ve admittedly wondered about ADD, but then I become a student of each personality. I try to imagine what that looks like when they’re older. And I’m so happy that they feel FREE to dance wildly and play hard, because my childhood was a silent one. I yearned to laugh loudly and be silly too!
My boys, and one girl, are who God made them to be- imaginative, loud, expressive, loud, emotional, LOUD, happy & healthy kids!
Dani´s last [type] ..God at the beach
I love your heart Dani. I get frustrated with the world that imposes such rules on children (not just boys). I want my children to be children while they’re children! That doesn’t mean I don’t work hard to teach them appropriate manners, and how to behave in various situations, but I want them to laugh and play hard!
Me! Me! I have a loud, stubborn, tackling, strong-willed, precious boy! He’s hard to handle and I’m exhausted and weary lots of days, but I wouldn’t change this sweet boy for anything! Our hard work will pay off and I know God is going to use “these” boys in an amazing way! Thank you God for giving us world changers!
That’s the spirit Ashley! Let’s choose to embrace “those” boys, and find a way to channel all of that loud goodness into something for the glory of God!
Me! My 5 year old is one of “those boys!” I also have a very reserved 6 year old boy.
Me, too!! Thanks so much again, Brooke, for your timely post! I can relate almost all the things you have written in your posts and books to me and our 5 y/o son. We love our precious son so much, but to tell you the truth, I still fail and get back up again every day, every minute.
I have never been comforted like this till I read “Hope for the Weary Mom”. I was so blessed and encouraged to know that there is somebody apart from God who knows my situation, doesn’t judge us and gives us courage and hope. Thanks again and God bless you, your husband and your precious sons! With much love and respect.
Oh CoCo, thank you friend. I fail and get back up again every single day too. I failed last night…I failed the day after I wrote this. That’s why I’m so thankful that we serve such a merciful and forgiving God, who often uses our failures as mothers as part of our children’s redemption story. Blessings friend.
Me!! I have one of those boys. I have seen some looks and have felt judgement placed on me and my boy a time or two. But while he is a challenge at times – I love him with all my heart and soul. God made him and gave him to me to care for, to guide, to love, and to help mold him in the time I have him on this earth. He’s only five years old now and I hope to have him many more years to come.
Oh thank you! I have a 14 yo who can drive me crazy but my heart breaks daily for when he gets left out or put down for being himself . The way God made him to be. Thank you so much for putting into words and in a public way what I cry out each day!!
This was such an encouragement. I have one of these boys, and I think the 2nd is becoming just as crazy. I love them so much though and this was a continued encouragement to not get pulled down by those who don’t understand and easily pass judgement, but to focus on honoring God w/how I parent.
That’s right Tami. The only One we have to answer to for raising our boys is God. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but if we take that mission seriously enough, if our hearts truly desire to honor God with our sons’ lives, and if we put our passion for raising godly men into action on a regular basis, I believe God will honor that in the long run.
Me!!! I have ine (possibly two) of “those boys”; the second is only eight months old, so it’s hard to tell with him yet!
Me
YES! That’s me
A proud Mother if two beautiful boys that I love with all that I am 
Me too. I have one of those boys and I was one of those girls. And I adore my son. Loved the article.
typing through tears but thank you … also mom to one of “those” boys and it is the judgements that hurt the most. my husband constantly tells me I’m doing a great job and I wonder what it is I’m not doing … but I’m all wrong. I am doing what I need to do and I love him with all that I am and need to stop other people’s perceptions getting in the way of me raising him.
I have 2 of “those” boys and when the baby gets a bit bigger, we may see a third in this category. This is such a great reminder, thanks for the encouragement. I am constantly reminding myself of what our pastor once said. Boys that are tough and strong are really exhibiting the characteristics of future leaders. These characters that challange us as parents, are really the traits that will make them leaders in their homes, churches, and community. We are called by God to cultivate and prune and develop these strengths. But oh, what a challange, one that can only be accomplished by God’s lead and supply!!
ME! I feel so alone most of the time and I do so appreciate your words this morning. Thank you. So brave to write them.
My 3 year is one of “those” boys, and I have a feeling my 11 month old will be too. Thank you for your encouraging words!
ME!!!
ME!!! I’ve been ready to “give up the fight” with my 6 yr old, tired of having the kid who can’t sit still in church(while the kids whose parents don’t even come behave better than the kid who’s grown up in the church!!), etc, etc. I love my boy dearly, so intense with everything, anger being the big issue right now… but then he’s extra loveable too!!! Thanks for the reminder to not take judgement from others and to keep fighting!
Me! I have 6 boys I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Me! And this blog/website/etc. has been what has gotten me through those very tough times. I feel like it was truly God’s plan for me to happen upon this blog, and I can’t thank enough the people who take the time to post articles/thoughts/questions/devotions about raising boys. You’ve changed my life and my son’s life and I am forever grateful!
Thank you so much Jamie for that beautiful feedback – our goal as writers here are to share our frustrations, fears, struggles, successes, and joys as mothers of boys. We are grateful for YOU!
Me
I have 3 of “those boys” and one of “those girls.” They are a joy and a challenge, and most days leave me exhausted. I know God has a plan for their lives, and created them this way for His purpose! I see great things in their future! Thank you for the encouragement!
I have 4. Feel like I am fighting the tide, trying to walk upstream in a strong current much of the time! But I will NOT give up on them, and they will become godly men.
ME!! This post actually made me tear up….you see, I have both types of boy (3 boys to be exact)….2 of “those boys” and one of the quiet ones….and I have pondered exactly what you’ve shared….that it all comes down to the heart. I am fairly certain I have said/felt many of the sames things you said about your boys. Thank you for sharing this perspective….this RIGHT way of thinking. I pray it is a blessing to all “those moms”. <3
Wait…there are QUIET boys?!?!
I agree with you that in some ways, it’s actually easier to parent “those boys” because it’s all out there…you never have to figure out what the issue is.
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So so so glad to not feel alone this morning. I have one of “those” boys (our middle son) and his younger brother is quickly falling in behind. Although, what you said about the quiet ones (our oldest is) makes me see him in a different way. Thank you for both sides!
Oh Kendra I’m so glad! Our quiet boys need us to spend the time looking deeply into their hearts. They need us to pull out the stuff that’s in there that can be hard to see because of their natural tendencies. We do them a disservice if we think everything’s ok. Bless you friend!
I adopted one of “those” boys. He is 6 now and I’ve had him ever since he was 13 months old. I love him to death, but some days are a lot harder than others. He has ADHD, ODD, PTSD, and RAD. The school doesn’t know what to do with him when he’s in school, therapists haven’t known what to do with him at times, this Momma doesn’t know how to handle him sometimes, but I cover him in prayer as I know that God knows the plan He has for his life a lot better than anyone else does….even me.
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That is ME!:) Thank you Brooke for sharing and telling the truth about boys. I am learning slowly to accept God created my boys to be “rough, tough, and loud.”
I have 2!
Me
and Bless you for this post! SO much encouragement – wish we could get them altogether and just let them be….who they are 
Me…so me. I cried while reading this. Both my boys are like this. This blog has given me so much hope and encouragement in raising my boys, when often I feel hopeless and like I’m failing at every turn. I am grateful for you ladies who write truth and let those of us out here know that we are not alone.
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Me
Me! Mine was just diagnosed ADHD inattentive subtype (what used to be plain old ADD). The diagnosis was a blessing as what seemed like laziness actually wasn’t. Our big challenge is making sure he learns to adapt and finding the best treatment. Hugs to you all!
Me! Thank you for making it okay to have one of “those boys.” I agree that I much prefer to deal with feelings that are out in the open and can be addressed than to wonder what’s going on inside. It’s not always easy to deal with the emotion they hold but it’s better than not knowing and not being able to help them work through it.
i am a grandma and i have one of those boys i’m help with raising. did i mention he’s now a teenager
and its never a dull moment or quiet at my house. but i love him the same as if he was my own.
I have proudly have 3 of “those” boys
Me! It’s my youngest who lives his life out LOUD!
My oldest is quiet, but he comes and talks to me after a while to let me know what’s going on with him. It makes him sad that he never gets invited to any birthday parties. His loud little brother does get invited. When they were younger, I heard those lies, too. A neighbor mom (when we used to live in town) had a daycare, and once told me weeks afterwards that my boys were too rough. Boys are supposed to be tough and rumble is what we believe! They’re hardwired to be heroes! Now we live in the country and they can be as loud as they want outdoors. 
(We do say no fake crying.) But for every lie I’ve been told, I’ve heard 100s of times what good boys we have. How respectful they are. We’re doing something right! 
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Not me. My son is a quiet boy. But I always dreamed of having a house full (like 5 or 6) of “those” boys. So I see your loud & rowdy boys & think — “wow…that’s a kid I know how to play with!” My cousins & nephew are all rowdy boys. And sometimes I look at my son and wonder “should I encourage him to be more rowdy & outspoken?” But I know that God made him special just the way he is & I shouldn’t try to change it — just like your boys are special and shouldn’t be changed. So know that sometimes our stares are not always judgemental, but sometimes in awe! Awe in your boy, awe in your ability to mother them. Awe in God’s ability to make us all so unique & yet so similar.
Amy friend. I can’t tell you what it means to us moms of “those” boys to hear that some of the stares come from wishful hearts. Thank you for saying that! And you’re right…”it takes all kinds of men to change the world…” quiet and loud. Be blessed today friend.
So thankful to have found your site! I have one of those boys and know that God has a plan for him! Sometimes I wonder if I could have been better equiped to handle raising such a son but am learning through conversations with my mother that by brother’s were “those” boys and they turned out just fine. Sometimes I call her several times a day to get strength! Calls are less frequent now that I found your site. You are doing a great work! Thank you!