Recently, I went to a movie at the dollar theater with a couple of friends. Several people had told us it would be a good and entertaining two hours.
It was fun, entertaining, filled with innocent laughs and punch lines. Good, though? Not so much. We were taken by surprise by an unnecessarily sexual scene involving two girls.
As I walked out of the theater later that evening, my heart started to break. It was not just because I had been surprised by a raunchy scene (note to self: spend more time reading PluggedIn before the next movie). I was heartbroken because of the two young actresses who had given part of themselves away for a few seconds of attention.
I wondered how those two actresses–those two girls–had reached a point in their young lives where they would allow themselves to be so demeaned for a few measly minutes of screen time.
Perhaps it’s not so surprising, though. Turn on the TV and you will be bombarded by sexual overtones and undertones filling your screen and speakers. Check out at the supermarket and highly sexualized magzaine covers placed at eye level will compete for your eyes. Drive down a billboard-infested strip of highway but keep your eyes on the road!
I’m not even talking about pornography, but just all the subtle messages in the broader, “civilized” culture where we live, work, and play every day. How can we counteract the strong, demeaning, and damaging messages that saturate our culture and affect how young girls think about themselves and their place in the world.
The answer I think is–we get our young men involved.
“Nathan,” you may be thinking, “I am a Mother Of Boys. I’m not here to read about girls. I’m trying to protect my boys from the perverted view of girls and sex out there! What does this have to do with me and my boys?”
Everything.
It is perfectly understandable that your first concern is to protect your boys from the sexualized influences of our culture. A good defense must be your first line of action. Controlling TV and computer, and avoiding other exposure is wise. However, you can’t just medicate a symptom and avoid the underlying illness.
When I was about five years old, my mom was driving me home from an afternoon activity. We passed a billboard emblazoned with a women wearing clothing that left very little to the imagination. In my little heart I knew something was wrong, so I asked my mom why I felt this way, why was I sad.
My mom did not react and make me feel bad because I had seen a lewd picture. She gently explained that the model on that billboard just had not had someone in her life to teach her how beautiful she was to God. She dressed that way because she had listened to the perverted message of culture, but not to the pure message of someone who loved her just as she was, and because of who she was. She felt sorry for the girl, just as I felt sorry for the girls in the film. Even at a young age, my mom’s words made sense to me.
The problem wasn’t just that the billboard was there. No mother will be able to hide every billboard, magazine cover, or commercial. The problem was also the message behind it that needed to be explained. Rather than making me feel guilty for seeing it, my mother talked to me about the truth behind the billboard.
And that’s where you, Mothers of Boys, come in. Of course you want to protect your boys from being exposed to sexualized images that pervert the real value and divine dignity of a woman. That’s important. But what is the best way to do that?
Here’s what I think. Even at a young age, boys can learn to value and appreciate women as special creations of God. Boys are capable of understanding that they should love, serve, and protect girls in their lives. It is easy, as a parent, to react against culture’s billboards about women and inadvertently create fear in your boy’s heart and mind about women. Instead, they need to hear the positive message that God has given them, even as young boys, the noble responsibility to guard and protect girls.
I think the biggest impact we can make on the world’s distorted and dangerous views of sexuality will come from training our young men to love women with true authentic love.
If you do that, perhaps the girl that your boy loves, honors, and protects will be able to reject the perverted view that culture promotes simply because she will have someone telling her that she is loved just as she is, and that she is special because God made her. Because of your boys’ respect, perhaps she will feel secure, with a sense of self worth and a confidence to reject the temptation to seek attention in inappropriate ways. Maybe your boy’s properly trained attitude and words will save a girl from the destructive path of culture. You can make a difference in a girl’s life by training your boy.
When you teach your boy to respect girls, you are showing them how to love them in the same way that God loves them. And that’s what makes it worth getting involved.
I just posted a comment, and I don’t see it. I just wanted to include the website of where to find out more info about the prayer movement that not only incorporates this, but also the result of what has happened when this is not our focus. http://exoduscry.com/
I praise the Lord for raising up a generation of children who refuse to accept what culture says, but instead had become a light in the darkness. It’s easy to go be a light in the light, but that’s not what we’re called to. I said Yes and AMEN over each one of us who is willing to be persecuted for righteousness sake. Let’s raise these boys by helping them to see girls as the Lord does and not as our culture does.
Dacia´s last [type] ..Can we hear directly from God
AWESOME! Thank you so much for the link. Your feedback means so much!
Wow, this has given me a lot to think about. I have a little son and a daughter. I want my children to be pure, but I know I can’t protect them from everything. One thing I can do is teach my son to care for his sister as he would a young lady he might some day love. Thank you for sharing this, Nathan!
Thank YOU for reading!
Nathan, What wisdom from the heart of a young man. Thank you for the call to train our young men to battle for the hearts of the women in their lives! This is what God created men for, to pursue, to rescue, to call out the beauty in women. Engage the battle moms, and raise a generation of men who are strong and courageous, who walk humbly with their God, who love mercy and are not afraid to speak the truth into darkness and see that darkness vanquished by the LIGHT!
AWESOME!
As a purity author and mama of three girls, I’m so thankful for this wonderful post. I pray my girls will marry a guy who has this Godly respect for women. Thanks for thinking this through, boy moms!
Melissa Nesdahl´s last [type] ..Gaming & Porn: Helping our Kids Fight “Drugs” of Today’s Youth
I am totally resonating with your post and going to sit with it for a good bit. My mothering focus has been so much on daughters, as they have been my world. But the older they get, the more concerned I am for the men they’ll one day have love and respect them (Lord willing). Thanks for sharing!
Lisa´s last [type] ..{download} Summer Survival
Thanks so much for taking the time to read!
Nathan J Clarkson´s last [type] ..23
I LOVE this post. We have recently canceled all network television in our home and only have videos we purchase, and have also installed Covenant Eyes on our computer. It is our goal to raise a Modern Day Knight and a Virtuous Princess of our two children (ages 4 years and 19 months). And I agree that it takes beginning to talk to them in a loving way at a young age about who God made us and to respect ourselves and the opposite gender above and beyond the call of earthy duty, but instead trying to match the call Christ brings us to! Thank you for this post.
Natalie´s last [type] ..BabyWearing – by: Emma Primrose
Way to go! Thanks so much for reading!
Nathan J Clarkson´s last [type] ..23
Protecting my sons eyes has always been a strong priority for me..this world does inundate them with sexualized images and our job as mothers should be to protect their hearts {through their eyes} without shaming them. Thanks for another great article!
Melissa´s last [type] ..Real Life, Our Living Room
Great article
I have been blessed with a MIL who did an amazing job raising both her boys to cherish, protect, provide for and respect women. My desire is to raise my boy to be a strong leader for Jesus, one who is confident in his relationship with Christ, who serves Him fully and who will be a brother, friend, spouse, father etc. who respects, honors and loves them as Christ would. There is a huge spiritual battle for their minds and lots and lots of prayer must also be a part of the equation.
I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH AND I WANT HIM TO GROW UP TO LOVE RESPECT WOMEN AND BE THE GODLY MAN <IM A SINGLE MOM AND HIS DAD IS NOT VERY NICE TO ME AND MY SON SEES IT WHAT GOOD ADVISE CAN YOU GIVE ME
IM GLAD MY SONS DAD GOES TO CHURCH THATS A PLUS >
Raising a boy into man is hard to do when you have both parents working together and I being a single mother of three boys constantly struggle to find a balance that is not to soft or to hard. I believe that the best ways to teach my boys is visually and I do so by showing them examples or teaching them whenever I can. When i see am man do something for a women I make sure to point it out in a positive way. When I get the opportunity to show them by holding the door open for another person even though I have my hands full I do. I think it is important to teach your boys from a young age that girls were put her for a reason from God and they are gift and that even though other male examples they see my sexualize women that respect is key.
When I was still married I went to a marriage retreat and the pastor Mike Gunger had said that a mans disappointment in his wife sexually stems from his exposure to what real is fake is and in so many men fake is portrayed as what is real and I am going to teach my boys at a young age that what they see on billboards or magazines isn’t real and that they shouldn’t expect their wife’s to perform like an actress or a model.
Thanks you for the post and sit I really need all the help I can
I was a Boy Mom for almost 10 years before we adopted our 2 girls, forever changing our family dynamic. I am blessed with a good husband who treats me respectfully and has told our boys clearly that (when they were back-talking at one time or another) that they were not allowed to talk to His Wife like that. He was careful in his phrasing. It was not just about respecting their mother but about how a husband treats, protects, and respects the woman he loves. I remember when one son was only in 3rd or 4th grade, he got a crush on a little school girl. When I saw her I was worried. Even at such a young age her manner of dress was too short and too much. I did not want to hurt my son or disparage his choice. I asked why he liked her and heard “She’s so pretty..” Yikes! Time for prayer. Some for him, some for her, and some for ME! Without pointing anything out about her, I spent some time (Not right then but later) talking about clothing and modesty making girls even prettier. Later I listened to some Mom friends (all girl moms) talking and realized the little girls name came up. I asked about her and discovered that she had recently been rescued from a bad home situation. I realized she was looking not just for attention but also affection. The moms were talking about her affect on their daughters and how could their girls have an affect in reverse. So young, and already using what she saw in this world to try to heal hurts only God can heal. I still pray for her. Now with my own girls I find that to be such an important lesson for me. My own girls were rescued themselves. I ask God to rescue them daily. My boys help. In high school now, they talk about girls appropriately and politely. When talking about a girl they like it is always about how nice she is, how smart she is, how funny she is, I often hear my daughter ask “Is she pretty?” and last time I heard my son answer “Pretty? She’s smart, funny,knows her superheroes and can talk to me…that’s pretty.” I’m thinking something went right. Now to just get the girls through this! Single Moms, check out a scout group in your area. I know not all are great, people are people and sometimes let you down, but I have been thrilled with the positive male role models my boys have found in the leaders in our pack and troop. Single Moms are welcomed and encouraged to be active. Be blessed.
This is an amazingly insightful post. I am often burdened by this issue. My husband and I are raising 4 sons. Yes, this culture is embedded with sexualized images and undertones, everywhere you turn. It is sickening. But I loved your description of what your mom said to you when you were 5. And I love your perspective on how to really get to the heart of the matter with our boys. Thank you so much for writing this! God bless you!