Congratulations! We’ve made it through the first whole day of our challenge! While that may not seem like a huge accomplishment, I’ve learned (through 3 seasons of this prayer challenge) to celebrate the small victories! From reading your comments and taking from what I’m experiencing in my own life right now, it seems that the Enemy is already working overtime to discourage our hearts and destroy the work we’re praying will occur in the hearts of our “warriors.” We really shouldn’t be surprised though – we’ve linked arms to intercede on behalf of the next generation of men – the prayers we pray during the duration of this challenge have the potential to bring about earth-shaking, kingdom-impacting change in our world. Don’t give up! Make sure to draw on the community both here and within our FB groups to encourage each other, ask questions, and even pray together.
Let’s move into our topic for today – Obedience. Friends, I’ve been amazed at how early this issue comes up in the life of a “warrior.” My Auggie is barely over a year old and yet, I have already seen the seed of sin that is disobedience in his heart. I was shocked the first time I saw him consciously make the decision to disobey and was unsure of how to handle it. I was sitting right next to him, shook my head, and had told him in my “mama voice” not to touch a certain object. This wasn’t new information to him as we’d taken the time to train him that this was an “off-limits” kind of situation. Yet as I watched his face, I saw the wheels turning – he looked at me, took the last few steps toward the object, grabbed it, and grinned. Some might pass this off as “being ornery,” but what I saw in his decision-making broke my heart. I realized in that moment that my precious little guy isn’t perfect and is in as much need of a Savior as I am. Sisters, disobedience is a serious issue and as Brooke points out in the reading for today, we are responsible to train our sons to expect and respect authority in their life – with obedience. Here is some added insight from her:
“I don’t think there is another issue in my parenting that causes me as much stress as getting my children to obey me. I know it’s a vitally important concept to teach them. In fact, I’ve heard it said that if a man can’t submit to Jesus, he will never be able to lead a woman (Tommy Nelson, Love & Romance Conference). No pressure, right moms? Depending on what methods we use, we CAN make our sons obey. We can MAKE them obey us. But at the risk of sounding a little lazier than I really am as a parent, I would submit this: Obeying God is intimately linked to loving Him. If we focus too much on forcing our boys to change their outward behavior, and forget to hold out the great depth of love that sent a Savior to the cross, we’re running the risk of raising little Pharisees.”
I think the words found in John 14:21 sum up the issue quite succinctly – “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” I desperately want that kind of relationship between my son and his Heavenly Father. Remembering that it is ultimately the work of the Holy Spirit in his heart and the decision of my son to enter that relationship, I can remain faithful to training him in obedience to authority and to God.
Day 2 | Action Steps
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Read | The Importance of Obedience (pg. 13-14) in the eBook, “Warrior Prayers” and work through any (or all) of the Study Questions that enhance your time in this challenge.
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Pray | Work through the 10 prayers on Obedience (pg. 15) using whatever method works best for you.
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Comment | Let’s work through Study Question #2 together in the comment section to encourage and equip each other as parents. “Do you have a plan for teaching your son(s) obedience? Or are you more of a “fly by the seat of your pants” kind of parent? Any tips or suggestions for others? Anyone have a question they’d like to throw out?
As always, feel free to email me your comments/questions/prayer requests to [email protected]
I struggle with obedience and discipline with my son. He can be very willful, refusing to listen and just does his own thing. Discipline is frustrating because so often he just doesn’t care! I can take toys, give him time outs, ground him from computer time–it doesn’t phase him. He doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions, always blaming someone or something else and I just feel like I have no clue how to reach him at times like this. I’ve even tried going the other route to reward him when he does good and it still doesn’t sink in with him–I honestly no longer know what to do.
Dawn Maurice´s last [type] ..Tangled Tuesday
Dawn, I would suggest taking a few minutes to read through the rest of the comments here…there are some great ideas, resources, and encouragement for your exact situation!
DAY 2 Q2: when we first did this concentrated 21 day prayer battle against the devil with our children’s hearts, we decdied to becareful with our words and actions. did we fail, yes, did we get back up ask for forgivenss from our children and from GOd, YES. “Mommy did you disobey (ah they learned the word) daddy or God today? (asked our Timothy), yes TImothy mommy did. Timmy did you obey all day long…..hmmm almost but man it’s hard! we sat together praying asking forgivenss from each other and from God. My children all know now that when they disobey,though mom and dad may not see it, Jesus does, and that is most important. Each day we end it by asking the children if they need to confess and ask Jesus to forgive disobedience. once they have confessed we move on to asking Jesus to help us obey Him, daddy and mommy. Do they still disobey, YES. do I still disobey, YES! it’s a battle that we will forever be fighting, until we cross over and see Jesus face to face. What is most important when it comes to disobedience is how it is handled. We want our children to know that they can’t do this on their own, They need to be talking and asking Jesus all the time to help them. When we see them at the fork in the road, and choose the right way, we praise them for it. We let them know that we saw the good or right choice they made..and oh the smile we see on their face to know that hey mom, dad and JEsus just saw the choice I made and are proud of me.
TODAY’s Scriptures Josiah: jer, 42:6 Timothy: deut, 13:4 and Matthew: Eph 6:1
Ginger´s last [type] ..21 days of prayer for my boys
Ginger – what great implementation of obedience training. thanks for sharing.
I echo what Sarah said – thank you for sharing this…what a great way for them to learn to “own their junk?” And to set an example that we’re not perfect, but we always strive to do what is right!
Thank you for the link to Sally Clarkson. She’s an amazing parenting inspiration.
Lisa Marie´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: Happy 8th Birthday!
Amen! I’m currently reading “The Mission of Motherhood” and am LOVING it!
I often feel like Dawn: nothing works. Or at least so it seems. We have chosen to use time-outs for bad behavior & spanking for deliberate disobedience. The problem is that that spankings do not even seem to phase my son & he actually asks for them over a time out. We often get into battles over behavior that can be anywhere from 15 minutes up to an hour & a half because he simply WILL NOT choose to obey & continues to willfully defy me. I know that because he is a strong-willed boy I need to win these battles, but it is just so exhausting. I’m thankful for the opportunity to pray for his obedience today!
We went through this too! -with our now almost 5 year old. A friend suggested to pray deliverance prayer over him in those moments. Our biggest clue that this was good advice was he couldn’t even say the name of Jesus when it would happen. When I’d pray this way, I would ask him at some point to say, I love Jesus. If he said it, we moved on and things were fine. If he couldn’t or wouldn’t, I’d pray more (or the defiance would continue) until he did. I’ve never spent more than a few minutes praying for it to clear. This has made a HUGE difference for us, so felt I should share.
Lynda, that sounds like such an awesome “in the moment” way to handle it – takes the anger and frustration right out of it . Do you have an example of a deliverance prayer that you would pray?
Wow, that sounds incredibly powerful!
my son is 17 and the issue of obedience has always been a bit of a struggle. In our home we always strived for 1st time obedience but when you have a strong willed child that can be exhausting and I must confession I didn’t always hold to it. Today’s focus is one that really needs to be covered in prayer!! Also pray with me today…..my husband and son are on an all day road trip to visit 5 colleges…praying that they will have time while on the road to really share heart to heart!!
dj´s last [type] ..Sketchy Thursday Sketch Challenge #170
We have a definition of obedience that my kids have known since they could talk. Obey means do what mom and dad say right away with no fussing. This covers the delayed disobedience and the attitude.
The book touches on heart change and I think this is very important. We try to see what’s going on in the heart and not just what the wrong behavior is. We always try to end the discipline positively by focusing on how they can handle the situation the next time. We’ve learned a lot from the people at biblicalparenting.org!!
This is a hard question. Maybe I’m a fly by the seat of pants. Sometimes when my boys are really disobedient and I’m on the verge of something awful I pray with them. I pray that god will change their actions and my actions.
I think one of my struggles in discipline is in the fact that each of my four boys is so different. Ages ranging from 11-15, and each with a unique personality. My heart’s cry is for them to love Jesus with all their heart, and out of that to flow obedience. How to communicate effectively, whether it be praise or discipline, is sometimes where I’m at a loss…to make sure that they “hear” and understand what I am trying to say, and to find a means of discipline that is effective. {Oh, Lord, give me wisdom!}
Nichole´s last [type] ..5 of my favorite “bulk” foods
This is a very interesting topic. I have only a 3 month old but I already know I need to start reading up on ways to ensure obedience. I think it is so important and can make the later teenage yrs doable if the child learns obedience for his parents and most important God. Thank you all for sharing your experiences so I may learn from them.
I’m right there with you, Mariel! I didn’t know it would become such a necessary thing to get a handle on, but 3 months seems like yesterday when I look at my 13.5 month old! Get some books, search Scripture, and talk with other mamas who are a few years down the road!
Ugh.. Obedience. I admit sometimes I get weary (we have 4 kids) and I let some of the groaning and mumbling slide. Todays reading was really eye opening that I can’t do that. I am going to really step up expectations and be praying the Hebrews 13:7. Super conviciting and encoruaging that we are raising our boys to lead a their wives. I am going to get my head in the game! It helps to see the bigger picture.
I ‘m a similar place to Nichole — as my boys are 7, 10, 10 & 13. I feel like God has been showing me that I don’t always extend the grace to them that has been extended to me (through him and the gift of his son). That is something I’ve been praying about for the past couple months. I so appreciate having my feet held to the fire through the challenge of “having a plan”. I think with an intentional plan I would be less “fly by the seat” in my reaction. Thank you, God, for your continued grace — and for second chances.
Too often, I allow my emotions to dictate my response. Having that “plan” will really help me! As I think back to my own parents’ discipline, I just remembered something very important – they used a “consequence chart.” Each issue had a consequence – I can’t remember them specifically, but for instance: “Lying” — Consequence = 3 spanks, “Disobedience” — Consequence = loss of privilege, etc. Whenever I did something wrong – my parents had me go to the fridge where this chart was posted and I had to come back and tell them what my consequence was…I HATED that. If I had disobeyed AND lied – well, I got both consequences. They were careful to not just label it “punishment” because the term consequence implied that everything I did had a natural reaction…even good behavior has consequences. I’m wondering now if they used that time while I was figuring out what my consequence was according to the chart was their time to cool down and interact with me instead of react to me. They also continued to pray that if I did something wrong, that Jesus would let them “find out.” Suffice to say, I NEVER got away with anything and I really disliked that prayer!
We are doing a video series with Parenting is Heart Work and the Instruction Process. We have a 3.5 year old son who is very rebellious, but here are a few things we are working on in giving instructions and following through: get close, give the instruction and expect child to answer with “yes, mom”, wait expectantly for it to be done and have the child report back what they did. You can read more at my blog: http://www.milknhoneylearnandgrow.blogspot.com/2012/04/parenting-is-heart-work-teaching-kids.html.
This is a tough one! It seems for me, the hardest part in follow through here is consistency. Will you allow them to fail so they know how to get back up because they chose not to listen to you? My 13 year old is pushing this button by not doing homework when asked and then…just not completing all of it. Is an F and discipline going to teach him to be obedient…can’t wait to read on.
Something I have found effective in helping my boys understand obedience is “armoring up” every morning together. We go through the verses in Ephesians 6 and imagine putting on each piece. (My boys range in ages from 16 months to 6 years old, with a 5 year old in between.) But if something happens in the middle of the day, it’s helpful to remind them that they have protected themselves against that weakness. For example, if the two older boys start fighting, I have to ask them if the laces on their sandals of peace have come loose. I know it might sound corny, but they remember, and honestly, maybe because it’s scripture, maybe because it’s the Holy Spirit, something clicks more so than if I simply put them in time out. (Although we definitely do our fair share of time outs and video game restrictions, etc.)
Something clicked for me today when Brooke said that obedience helps our sons recognize their need for a Savior. I haven’t taught them that they actually aren’t capable of completely obeying, or always being “good listeners.” They will always fall short, and that’s why we rely on Jesus. That’s definitely something I need to incorporate into my discipline.
Erin, I really like that. I may begin incorporating the armor of God into my morning “Huddle” with my boys. Every morning I go out to the bus stop with my boys, age 10 and 7. Instead of a group hug, we do a Huddle before the bus arrives. I pray for them together for Jesus to protect them and cover them and meet their every need during the day. They also have opportunity to pray. After our “amen” I tell each of them “I love you ____”, and plant a kiss on their forehead. We look forward to this time together, and it helps them be ready for school. (Important as we send them to public school.)
I love the armor of God idea! It is something my 5 year old could completely relate to! Thank you!
In our experience of raising 7 kids from 14 months to 19 years old, we have taught them there are three characteristics to true obedience. 1) obedience is immediate. 2) obedience must be done with a joyful heart (when we are doing God’s Will it should naturally follow that we are joyful in it, right? ). 3) obedience is done completely– if we only obey partially, we aren’t truly obeying.
Maurisa´s last [type] ..10!
We are always so rushed in the mornings and we usually pray together in the car ride to school. My son doesn’t have a fast bone in his body and he has to be at school by 7:10… So mornings are crazy at our house…however I think I will try to put up some notes or posters around the house to remind us all to armor up for our day
Love the idea! Thanks!
Oh, my word! I LOVE THIS IDEA OF THE HUDDLE! I’m totally going to incorporate that as my little guy gets older! Thanks, girls!
“Sheparding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp was a great resource for us regarding discipline.
I think sometimes I am the, “fly by the seat of my pants”. I know that at times it has been a struggle to bring it back to the word. But God’s grace and mercies have gotten me through those times.
I’m not sure how to answer Q2. I want a discipline plan, and sometimes I have this vague shadowy outline of what I want my plan to be….but then I lose sight of it. Not once have I thought of this plan being about “obedience”. I simply want to do right by my son (and future kids). But now I realize that I was way off base & had missed the mark. My plan has to be about obedience. But I’m still not sure how it will look. Ryne is only 2, and I’m seeing the “NO!” starting to occur, and usually if I stop myself & take a breath, then I can get him to do whatever it is. But not always, and never have I told him to “obey”.
I have decided to answer the prayers for “our house” or “us” and “our parents”. DH was not raised to respect women, or to obey his parents, and we are deeply struggling in our marriage — I do not feel respected. So I am desperately wanting to teach this to my son because I’m afraid his dad cannot; so I’m praying for all of us.
Amy, I am going to add you to my personal prayer list for the challenge – if you want to email me how I can pray more specifically for your situation – please let me know! [email protected]
Off the top of my head, I would encourage you to do everything you can to become well connected in your church (if you’re not already). The body of Christ in your community can really help resource you, encourage you, and give both your husband and son great examples of what godly men do and say.
What a good reminder this was for me this morning to refocus my mind on where obedience will ultimately lead my children and how important it is for me to follow through now at this stage in there life. I find that I’ve been so distracted lately with life circumstances that I’m not focusing on what should be my number 1 priority, which is my children. I am so thankful for the timing of this challenge.
JUST 10 minutes I got a call from the school the principal My oldest was involved in a bullying situation & she was very upset w/him because he was in the same situation 2 yrs ago & she was telling him (he said he didn’t say anything but didn’t do anything to stop it either) & so he will be getting detention which he was warned if he got 2 more he would get suspended and is at the borderline of not graduating. The boys have a half day today so they will be home in 1/2 hr. please pray with me. As I I don’t even know what to say or do right now my heart is aching and feel so lost & don’t know what to say or do anymore. He’s only 13 & I love him so & feel like I’m failing.SO I ask all of you WHAT do I say/do.. I’ve cried,yelled,punished and prayed & I do continue to pray but I so feel so defeated..
Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and corageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Ellie my heart hurts for you, praying the Lord will give you wisdom and words for your situation. Know that the Lord Goes before you and behind you, He is right there with you all the way.
Susie´s last [type] ..#21 Days 4 Sons – Day 2 Obedience
I know this is “after the fact,” but since your son is older, consider having him read with you what we prayed about yesterday. Explain your heart that you’re not sure how to encourage him in this, and ask how you can both work together on this issue.
I posted my reflections of days 1 & 2 study on my blog. I am enjoying this ebook, there is a lot of “meat” with these studies and put things into perspective for me. We have used the word obey with our children because it used throughout the bible and it is commanded that we obey. The flying by the seats of your pants really hit home with me. We are so busy coming and going with our three children, girls ages 13, 11 and our warrior boy almost 8, discipline is very important aspect of parenting but we have parented by disciplining as situations arise and handling them at that moment. I have never really thought about having a “PLAN” to teach obedience. I too am a benefactor of grace and mercy and thank God that he reveals and is teaching us a parents how to raise our children throughout life. I have found that quoting scriptures to my children and praying scriptures over them when disciplining does work. I remember those toddler/preschool days…so emotionally and physically draining. We are all born with a rebellion spirit and there are days that I say out loud….In the Name of Jesus, I pray against this spirit of rebellion and claim it! There is power in Jesus Name and we need to put it to use
Susie´s last [type] ..#21 Days 4 Sons – Day 2 Obedience
I have not been the best at teaching my boys obedience. As a single, homeschool mom and grad student I’m exhausted by the end of the day. And I often use that as an excuse to be lazy when it comes to discipline. Recently I decided to get off my duff and do the work in disciplining. I find that now when I tell my boys to do something they move a bit faster since I’ve been consistent with you obey or you’ll be disciplined immediately. Having the boys memorize scripture on obedience has been a great tool as has my Child Training Bible!
LaToya {Christian Momma}´s last [type] ..MFW K: Fox and Vegetables
Ah! Consistency…that is the key, sister!
Frequently over the past 8 years I’ve had great intentions at planning consequences for certain acts of disobedience. I’ve worked through multiple “programs” for teaching me the best ways to discipline my children… all with the best plans of raising obedient children. But, the bottom line is when LIFE is happening in that moment I just react. Yes, I “fly by the seat of my pants” and put out one fire at a time.
This usually gets me the desired result of a repentant child who will think twice about making that choice again. But, now that this chapter is put before me, I see that result should not be my goal. I need to make the connection for myself and for them how God commands obedience. I need to work on getting them to think about obedience to me AND God BEFORE they make the choice. Teaching that will make the consequences “easier”.
I, too, love, love, love the “armoring up” idea from Erin. I am definitely going to start doing this with my 3 year old and teach my 9 month old as he gets older! My biggest issue with teaching obedience is consistency, but I think getting them involved like wearing the Armor of God will help tremendously. It, also, hit home to teach them they cannot be completely obedient and open that door to their salvation. A true “a-ha” moment for me.
This has been painfully hard lately. I have a 2.5 year old and a 13 month old. Both are amazing little boys, but oh my gosh! I go crazy after fighting/bribing/etc to get them to do what I ask. The older one will flat out say NO. and the younger one thinks that’s funny so he will shake his head no. We have done time outs, a spank here and there, no desserts, etc. It is terrible. Nothing is working! And by the end if the day, when my hubby gets home, I’m in the worst mood. Please help/pray!
Heather @House of Woyaks´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday
I posted a little bit earlier in the comments a tactic that my parents used when I was younger – they used a “consequence chart.” Each issue had a consequence – I can’t remember them specifically, but for instance: “Lying” — Consequence = 3 spanks, “Disobedience” — Consequence = loss of privilege, etc. Whenever I did something wrong – my parents had me go to the fridge where this chart was posted and I had to come back and tell them what my consequence was…I HATED that. If I had disobeyed AND lied – well, I got both consequences. They were careful to not just label it “punishment” because the term consequence implied that everything I did had a natural reaction…even good behavior has consequences. I’m wondering now if they used that time while I was figuring out what my consequence was according to the chart was their time to cool down and interact with me instead of react to me. Your boys are younger than I was when they started using this, but perhaps they would start making the connections early if you posted a chart like this – and worked through it together when they sinned. This can set you up for discussions on making the right choice the first time, so you can avoid a negative consequence.
This was a very hard topic for me today. I’m a trained behavior analyst, so I thought I totally had my three boys covered in the area of disobedience. I have never been more wrong in my life! I’m very good at what I do, but at home, I have completely left the love and the Lord out of my parenting. Something has got to change for my boys.
I think I’m probably more of a seat of the pants type. I know what I intend to do for disciplinary action, but follow-through is sometimes lacking. I think I sometimes give my boys too many “chances” instead of being more immediate with discipline. I hadn’t thought of praying verses over them in the middle of disobedience. I’m going to have to look more closely at that!
My boys have special needs, too. Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between what is willful disobedience and what is part of the disability. With the oldest it’s fairly easy to tell, but the youngest is nonverbal and very sensory-oriented. Sometimes when we tell him “no,” he really can’t handle it and has no way of telling us so other than flat disobedience/throwing a tantrum. We could use prayer for wisdom on how to discipline him effectively!
Kristi´s last [type] ..I’m at Jewels!
I have learned that discipline needs to be consistant. If I am tired, I am not consistant. We have a “Slow obedience is disobedience” stand in our house, and even our 11 year old knows there will be immediate discipline if this isn’t followed. But, it is a heart issue for sure. And that’s what we focus on, through the discipline time. Also, I have the Child Training Bible which we have started using to help our children see what the Bible has to say about what we are teaching. Its wonderful. Now, we have an 11, 10, and 9 year old, and a two year old. We are being much more intentional with our training with the two year old that we were with the older three at that age. I believe that a strong willed child is just a child sinning! It can be trained.
I like that phrase – “slow obedience is disobedience.” Tucking that away for my own son as he gets older.
Really enjoying this! I am realizing I need a lot of improvement on disciplining my boys. C
I certainly don’t bring the Bible into our obedience discussions yet, though I suppose I probably should with my 2 1/2 yo. I wasn’t raised in the word, we went to church on Sundays but that was about it, so I’m still learning how to incorporate it into our everyday life. I’m not sure what exactly I should be doing to teach my kids obedience at this point, as they are only 2 1/2 and 1, other than time-outs or physically stopping my youngest from whatever it is that he’s not supposed to be doing. Time-outs work with my oldest, but my youngest think it’s funny and laughs when I say no to him or move him and he just goes back to what he was doing.
Christina, I encourage you to read through the other comments to see what the other boy mamas are doing or have done as examples – also, researching some good books on discipline may give some direction. Brooke provides a great list of resources in the back of “Warrior Prayers” on pg. 53 – perhaps you could start there!
Christina,
I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone! I grew up in a home where church was sporadically in the equation. It caused this festering rebellion and disgust with faith to grow in my heart. I didn’t come to know the Lord and accept him as my savior until many years later (3 years ago to be exact). I struggle with teaching God’s word to our boys (not to say I don’t try on a daily basis!!) I guess for me it’s hard because I want to teach it in a way that will nurture a loving, obeying relationship with my boys and God. I want them to know Jesus as their Savior, not just be mine and my husband’s lip service, but by seeing it lived out in our home on a daily basis. It’s difficult but I know, by God’s grace, we can do this! We can’t do it alone but we aren’t alone.
Praying for you and your boys!
I think the most challenging thing about discipline is keeping my attitude in check, especially as the day wears on. James 1 says “be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath because the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Getting angry at my boys doesn’t bring them closer to God, even though it sometimes makes me feel better. By the grace of God I’m getting better at trying to maintain an even keel, but it is a constant struggle. Hopefully it will pay off.
A great website with a free book on how to teach obedience and raise your children in a godly way is http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com. You can purchase the book there , or read it free there at the website. There is also a message board, I believe.
I’m a first time mommy to a 15 month old. No, I really don’t have a plan which is ironic because I am a planner by nature. Go figure. Nonetheless, this chapter has given me a basis and a starting point and I am grateful.
Oh yes, getting to the heart is so much harder than just correcting behavior, because the behavior can “conform” without any heart change. That’s why prayer is so vital. God’s the only one who can change the heart.
Michelle