“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10
Monday night – Chicken nuggets with mac n cheese.
Tuesday night – McDonald’s happy meal.
Wednesday night – Spaghetti O’s.
Thursday night – Cereal.
Friday night – Frozen, greasy pizza.
Yes, this is what the dinner menu at my house looks like once in a while. And not only that, many times I babysit the kids with Thomas the Tank Engine while I’m preparing those gourmet meals (something I always said I would never do… before I had kids). Okay, so I’m probably not going to win any Mom of the Year awards.
Sometimes I worry that I’m going to screw up my kids. Not necessarily because there are not any meals listed above that contain a vegetable, but because there just seems to be so many ways that they could be screwed up being boys raised by a single mother.
They don’t have a dad nearby to do boyish things with them. My oldest goes to public school and my youngest goes to daycare…gasp! I work full time outside the home… [collective sigh]! In the past 10 years I’ve moved 6 times. The list could go on forever. Sometimes I wonder, “What was God thinking when he gave me- a girl- two boys to raise on my own?”
Just recently I was reading about how when a child is in the womb, he/she takes on the emotions of the mother when she was pregnant and that follows them into life. Oh my goodness!
I was horribly stressed out during both of my pregnancies due to different circumstances. Then I look at my son who is afraid of almost everything and I think… “Oh my goodness! I did that to him!” And I can’t go back and undo any of it. I didn’t even know at the time that I was doing that to him.
It’s too late. I have screwed up my kids!
But you know what? Maybe it’s okay that my kids have struggles and that I haven’t done everything perfectly in the past, nor will I in the future. Jesus didn’t come to seek and save those who had done everything just right. He came to seek and save what was lost. If I am able to do everything perfectly, my kids may never come to realize their need for salvation. We all have to start somewhere.
The Lord has provided for us in so many ways… spiritually, financially, emotionally in the past few years since we’ve been on our own. I have grown so much personally and I believe God has used that growth to equip me for this job as a mother. He hasn’t abandoned us and he has a special place in his heart for moms like me and kids like mine.
So instead of worrying that I am screwing up my kids… because I will in some way or another, whether I realize it or not… instead I am going to commit my way to the Lord. I am going to trust also in Him and know that He will bring it to pass. After all, if the Lord is able to do a great work in me- another screw up- why wouldn’t He do the same for my babies? He loves them even more than I do. He knit them together in that same womb that was full of stress and fear.
Lord, I am inevitably going to worry that I am screwing up my kids from time to time. I pray that in every instance You would remind me of your love for them. I pray that You would help me see that You are the one who will save them and not me. I relinquish that role to You, Lord. I may have to let go every day, but every day that is what I will do.
Do you worry about “screwing up” your kids? Please share!
Jenny Vanderpool is a single mom of two boys, Garren (7) and Evan (4). Garren was born with a chromosome disorder called DiGeorge Syndrome, an experience that has taught her to not take anything for granted. She especially loves the special bond between her boys. She works full time as an administrative assistant for a Fortune 500 company and loves to read, write and spend time doing things outside. You can find her at her blog Living Malachi 3:3.
*********
P.S. (Two Things)
1. Yikes, we’ve been having a hard time getting our first book club started. Thanks for grace! We think we’re finally figuring out how things work in our forums, and hope to have week three of Raising Real Men up this Friday in that space. Until then, you can go back and interact with the info from week’s one and two! See you Friday!
2. Don’t forget to pick up your copy of the very first collaborative work from the MOB Society Writers! From Mom’s Failure to God’s Grace is available now, and your purchase today helps end Bible poverty for the people of the DRC, ravaged by civil war and in need of the hope of the Gospel. Just $2.99 for your Kindle or as a immediate PDF download.
—————————–
Are you a weary mom? Check out this comforting book co-written by our very own Brooke McGlothlin. It will be a balm to your weary mommy soul, we promise.
Just in case this makes you feel better, I’m a SAHM with a husband and our meals sometimes look like that too. My kids watch around 2 hours of tv a day (sometimes more, usually less). And yesterday I screamed at my 2yo for about 5 minutes after he pooped in his underwear (for the millionth time). Thankfully, I serve a Lord (like you do) who forgives and gives grace. Thank God. Because we all fear we’re going to screw up our kids, but “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” I truly, truly believe that is the case in parenting.
thanks for sharing.
Randi´s last [type] ..Fairy Dancing DVD (review)
i love this. because you are human. a human with a great heart who is doing her best and seeking God. Hang in there!
When I have hard weeks, and I am scared I am messing up my poor kids, I have to remember that God loves my babies so much more than I do, and that He had a reason for putting us all into a family together. And He can work through and in spite of all my many weaknesses and failings. ((((hugs)))) to you. Motherhood is so hard. I can’t even imagine how much harder single motherhood is.
Erin´s last [type] ..Dust and Beauty
I’m so thankful to have this post to comment on today because last week my husband was away on business for JUST 2 DAYS and I felt like I was going to lose my marbles doing everything by myself. I kept thinking, “I am in such awe of women who handle this load daily” and I really wanted to call one of my single-mom friends and tell her how much I respect and appreciate and pray for her. I didn’t, because I thought it might not be cool to do that without a reason and bring back to focus something that she didn’t want reminded of. So thank you, Jenny, for the opportunity to tell you that you’re not doing this incredibly hard job without notice or gratitude. And thank you for doing it with the Lord as your foundation…your boys will be far ahead of many from 2-parent homes and complete childhood resumes who were raised on shifting sands. I could give a dozen Scriptures about beauty and ashes and years that locusts have eaten…promises given for all our brokennesses, but it seems you’re well on your way to rebuilding with them. Instead I’ll give you a long-distance hug and a heartfelt thank you for being what I consider the SuperMom of the parenting world
Maybe you could call your friend and offer to babysit
I am not a single mom, but I am a SAHM homeschooling mama to 4 kiddos and my husband lives in Florida for a new job while I am here by myself in Indiana trying to sell our house. For 6 months, I feel like I have lived the life of a single mom and I totally feel the same as you-I have so much respect and awe for single moms and military moms (who often CHOOSE this chaos!) who do this ALL. THE. TIME. The one thing I’ve learned through this experience of my own, is that it’s okay to ask for help and when people offer to help, I take them up on it lol. Maybe your friend woud love a night out or a mani-pedi, or maybe just an uninterrupted shower or some time grocery shopping on her own!
Lisa @ Fat Chick Fed Up´s last [type] ..Week-in-Review
From one single mom to another, AMEN!! And FYI Spaghetti-Os have one full veggie serving in the can already!!!
LaToya {Christian Momma}´s last [type] ..“Playing School”
I am in awe of single moms! Thank you for sharing your story. {and, on a side note, my pastor’s grandson has DiGeorge Syndrome. I will pray for Garren!}
Melissa´s last [type] ..Lent Fail…or maybe not?
I love you Jenny-you are so beautiful and brave! You are such a good mother and your boys are as cute as can be. I am so thankful that I know you in real life and for the real blessing you are to me and my family. You help me to be a beer mother and I am so inspired by your strength, your story and the beautiful thing you are making out of it. And besides, I came from a broken home and look how good I turned out
Seriously, though, I’m so proud of you and know you are right where God wants you to be. He is doing a great work and redeeming your heartache and has a firm grip on you and your boys. Love you sweet sister!
Lisa @ Fat Chick Fed Up´s last [type] ..Week-in-Review
Jenny, you are doing such an amazing job with your boys, and they are still soooo cute!!! As a former single mom raising a boy, I can tell you that God will move in their lives in ways you never expected. as a single parent, in adition to worrying about screwing up your kids (we all do that, I think) you worry if their lack of a dad is going to traumatize them forever, leave them feeling less than, or somehow relegate them to being a second class citizen. I always felt like I had to do ‘more’ to overcompensate for what he lacked. But God will totally take that little bit of oil you have left after working hard everyday- that grace,patience, anointing, energy, or wisdom that you don’t think is “enough”- and use it to fill those boys again, and again, and again, and you’ll look back in wonder knowing it was nothing but God. Stay strong, know that there are so many of us praying for you and the boys, and we can’t wait to see what wonderful, bright futures the Lord has in store for all of you! Love you!