When we were young, a boy had to led astray by an unruly friend or find an ungodly uncle’s stash to be tempted by pornography. Not so, now. Now, it’s lurking in the sidebars when he checks the football stats and is emailed to him by spammers. Boys don’t even have to go looking for it; it comes delivered straight to them. A guy can hardly avoid being tempted by it…every day!
It’s pretty horrifying looking at your little guy and thinking about him sitting in front of the computer screen looking at garbage like that, but the research is showing that boys are being exposed to internet pornography earlier and earlier, and more and more seriously. We’ve heard of boys as young as ten getting their fathers in trouble at work by looking at porn on their dads’ laptops. How can we protect them? How can we keep them out of the red light district when it’s right there in our own living room?
Here are a few things that you can do to protect your sons as much as possible:
- Talk about sexuality with your boys early and often, in the course of normal life, and always in the context of God’s law, marriage, and family. “Yes, son, that lady is dressed inappropriately. She’s showing parts of her body God meant for her husband alone. I wonder how he feels about that?”
- Warn them that temptation lurks out there and they have an enemy who desires to harm them and their future wives (Porn is not a victimless crime, it harms the watcher, the watcher’s mate, the subjects, and their families). Show them how to shrink a window to hide a sidebar, remind them to think carefully what they are searching on, tell them never to guess at a url.
- Install accountability software on every computer your family has access to. We like Covenant Eyes, we’ve used it for years. It will email you an easy to check report on each user in your family each week. Just knowing they are bound to get caught is a great deterrent.
- Teach them how to fight temptation when it comes. Here’s an excerpt from our book that explains how we do it:
A Fist to Knock Away Temptation
We do our best to protect our sons from temptation, but we know it is impossible to avoid it entirely – our own hearts provide temptation! Sons need to know what to do when they face the desire to sin. We tell our sons to use five important tools to fight off immoral thoughts:
1. Leave the situation. This is so important. If you are in the bathroom, get dressed and get out. If you are in bed, get up. If you are at a friend’s house, go home. Leave a situation that tempts you.
2. Pray and ask the Lord for forgiveness and help.
3. Read your Bible. The Word is a light to our feet and will guide us to do what is right.
4. Sing praises or hymns to God. Sometimes music can break through the coldness of our hearts.
5. Go to your authority and ask for help. Our sons have each done this more than once. They say, “Mom and Dad, I just keep having bad thoughts. Will you pray for me?”
We lift a finger for each of these as we remind them, then close all five into a fist and say, “Five ways that make a fist to knock away temptation.” We remind our sons of this often, because it is important that they realize that they are not helpless before temptation, but that God always gives a way of escape.
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Raising Real Men, pp215-216
It’s a scary time to raise a boy. The enemy seems more determined than ever to embroil our sons in sin that will affect them all their lives. The worst thing we can do in the battle to protect our sons’ purity is to pretend there’s no battle at all. That leaves our boys unarmed and unprepared. Instead, we have got to overcome our own shyness, face the battle head on and prepare our sons to be warriors instead of victims. God hasn’t left us and He gives us all we need to follow Him. We want our boys to grow up to be truly knights in shining armor for their princesses.
For more on this topic, check out our hourlong workshop, Shining Armor: Your Son’s Battle for Purity. Use the link above or the discount code raisingrealmen to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes – and help support our ministry.
Hal & Melanie
Hal & Melanie Young are the authors of Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys, Christian Small Publishers’ 2011 Book of the Year. Check out their own blog, join them on Facebook, and follow them on Twitter.
Copenhagen photo by Electra Stavrou
very thought invoking. my son is only two right now and i hadn’t even considered this possibility. but it applies to our 9yo girl as well. thank you for the alarm clock.
OH, it’s everywhere. My 10yo son commented on it the other day. He asked me why women felt they needed to show everything off…and didn’t they know, they were most beautiful when they were being modest…with less makeup, less froo froo..the way God made them. He commented to me years ago that he thought I was most beautiful without make up (um, I’m still trying to break free of that). we no longer have cable, I sit by him every moment he is on the computer…so that when things come up,I can help him talk through it…and we discuss the beauty of the marriage gift God has given us. I refuse to allow this world to make something ugly out of something so beautiful! Thank you for this post!!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important subject. I have 4 boys, ages 12 down to 6. I think we all are aware of how exposed our boys are to any type of pornography.. and immediately think of this being available on a computer. While this is true, we’ve found that it is available on ANY electronic device that has web access. Like IPODs… in their app store… or video games… It’s so important that we, as the parents, create boundaries of protection for our children. My husband and I have made it a practice to check over any electronic device, game, etc. before our boys are allowed to use them. We put the necessary locks on them, and thoroughly research all games. For instance, our boys cannot get into the app store. If they hear of an app they’d like to have, we unlock it for them, download it, and re-lock the store. It takes more time from us, but our boys minds and hearts are SO worth the effort. We’re raising warriors; let’s keep their minds on things lovely, true and pure!
So true, Allyson! We talk about that in Shining Armor – many parents don’t even realize you can go online with most phones. Covenant Eyes does have a mobile app, which we use, which helps a lot.
Hal and Melanie Young´s last [type] ..Purposeful Planning: A Review
How do you do that? Block them from the app store?
We have IPOD touches… the steps are as follows: go to SETTINGS > GENERAL > RESTRICTIONS > from there, you create a pass code and choose where the restrictions apply.
Allyson´s last [type] ..Today…
Yes, I can relate… as the app store caught us by surprise. Even though our boys never downloaded the apps, the advertising icon was enough to knock us over. Some are stick figures… but, that’s still too much. So much filth, so readily available. We must be vigilant.
Thank you both for your efforts in raising awareness on this important subject!
Allyson´s last [type] ..Today…
Oh my…watch out for the stray victoria’s secret catalogs. I cancelled mine, and a neighbor’s copy showed up at our house. Thankfully, my 3 year old was just a little confused as to why all those girls were in their underwear. It’s amazing how early boys start paying attention to those things.
This such a great thing for all of us to learn and use. I definitely have some areas in my life where this will be helpful.
LaToya {Christian Momma}´s last [type] ..BFIAR: Goodnight Moon
we are getting to the age of accountability in our house and questions are beginning to come out with our oldest, just this morning my almost 8 year old asked what is puberty!?
we also have a 2 year old (boy) and twin 5 year olds (girls) along with a 6 year old (boy). The others, we know, don’t really understand when a commercial comes on the t.v. or even store advertisements in the Sunday paper. But just because they don’t “understand” that seeing a lady on the T.V wearing a bra or in the advertisement in the paper or hearing comments on how beautiful a lady is (because of what she is wearing on the outside), can lead to temptation, lust or the desire to be beautiful on the outside for all the wrong reasons, simply put- SIN. WE do know that it is planting seeds that one day will grow. So we water those seeds NOW with wisdom on their level. We do know that as the older ones ask question, understanding may come earlier with our youngest.
It’s nice to know we are not called to walk this walk alone..we have the Helper right beside! thank you for this post.
Ginger´s last [type] ..week 1 resolution
If you have tips on how to lock/filter Youtube on devices other than computers That would be helpful too. We figured out how to block the youtube app, but it still accessible on browsers.
Any advice on filters for devices?
Thank you!
If you’re interested in Covenant Eyes, you might start with their “mobile solutions” page:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/services/mobile-solutions/
They do point out their app is not a filter — only accountability. We’d love to know if you find another program which works for you.
Hal and Melanie Young´s last [type] ..Purposeful Planning: A Review
Thank you for this post. This is a topic that can really make me feel defeated at times, as a mom of 4 boys. Like there is no hope in this culture… But I know that there is always hope with God. I really appreciate these practical tips.
Btw, we use ‘be secure’ as our online filter and they do have a mobile service too.
Excellent tips. Thank you.
Jasmine´s last [type] ..Community News
Hi there! I agree with you, the temptation to access pornography is everywhere. I agree with your tips and would add a couple…
1. Take computers and TVs and media devices (phones, iphones, ipods) completely out of the bedrooms and out of private areas of the home.
2. Password everything so that access is only available when you are in the room.
I know a very Godly and beautiful family that has done this since their children were young and still enforces the ‘no internet or media unless I’m present’ rule and their children are amazing people of God. I plan to follow this model for our family.
I talk a lot about these issues on my blog – http://www.theunpluggedfamily.com
Blessings!!!
Cassandra´s last [type] ..No pretenses… just PERSPECTIVE.