{Please welcome another new member of our writing team, Charity Keldie. Charity is an amazing single mother, walking close to her Father as she raises her son by herself. At the MOB Society, Charity will be sharing her heart and wisdom, and providing encouragement to other single moms along the way. Today, she shares the story of how she became a single mom. Please give her a MOB Society welcome!}
I have a precious 4-year-old son named William. From the moment the doctor told us he was a boy, my husband and I began to pray that God would grow him into a man of faith who imaged Christ in a powerful way. We spent hours reading, praying and talking about how we would raise him. Daddy would be a constant and strong example of what the Bible commands men to be. Mommy would support and encourage what daddy was teaching. My husband spent time reading the Bible to William daily, helping him memorize Scripture, taking every opportunity to discuss how great and loving God is. The results were beautiful – William began to fall in love with the Bible and ask sweet questions about who God is. And then our family was dealt a blow that we never expected and everything changed.
When William was 3-years-old, his daddy died unexpectedly.
But on that day of unbearable pain and grief, the Lord was so faithful. And so generous – even in death. Because of my husband’s faith in the atoning work of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection, God graciously took my husband home to Heaven. And because of the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, God generously brought Scripture to memory and people to speak truth and hope into our tragedy. Intermingled with tears were thoughts of God’s eternal nature – his presence and sovereignty over the past, present and future, of God’s compassion and promise to care for the widow and orphans, of God’s victory over sin and death.
That night, I held my little boy, read him the story of Jesus’ death on the cross and explained that his earthly daddy had died. I also got to share the gospel with him. And we cried. The tears, questions and conversations didn’t end that day, nor did the struggles we would face. In fact, over the next year my little boy would also face some very serious medical issues. But in each moment, with each sob of grief and fear, God would continue to be generous. He would continue to sustain not only life, but joy and hope. And though I wish circumstances were different, in losing his daddy, William has come to a deeper understanding and love for his real Daddy – God.
So I walk the road of a single mom. Many of you walk it with me. Whether due to death or divorce or seasons of separation for other reasons, we must figure out how to raise these precious boys to be men of faith. But while there is no physical daddy present, take heart – God is present. He is involved and working your difficult circumstance for your good and your son’s good. He will be faithful and generous along the way – even when it is difficult to understand. Let’s walk this road together, encouraging each other along the way. Let’s look to Jesus, knowing He has overcome.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Are you a single mom? What are some of your deepest struggles as you walk this road?
Thanks for sharing!
Probably the biggest struggle for me is that my kids have this other life that I’m not a part of, for x number days they are out of my sight, my care, my comfort, and I have to keep trusting that God is better at taking care of them than I could ever be!
As far as my son, I know all the pain of his father’s leaving will stay with him, and just pray He continues to recognize the goodness of the Lord in all things.
Melissa´s last [type] ..When Mom’s Too Sick to Teach
I think the struggle for me is encouraging the relationship with their father, even though I know it will be a difficult road. But, I remind myself that I do not know God’s plan for their life, and that this is the Father God chose for them. They may be learning some things right now that God will use at a later time in their life.
It means alot of late night talks, and walking a fine line of helping my child and not speaking bad of their dad.
But God indeed is very gracious, and I believe He is walking with us through this difficult time. And I DO believe that my boys will learn some lessons that will help them be better men when they grow up.
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to hearing more about your journey!
One of my struggles is finding a role model that will truly invest in my son’s life and not abandon him like his father did, after the new and fun wears off. Many people have good intentions and forget that when they forget or have other obligations there is a child waiting for them to fulfill their commitment. Another is how to teach him to honor someone that is completely absent because he chooses to be absent.
My biggest struggle is time. I try to get up before the boys to get a little quiet time with Jesus, just soaking in His Presence. Sometimes it doesn’t happen and we’re in a rush from the time we get up. Drop them off at school at 7;30 then I head to work and am there until 5:00, pick them up from the after school program where sometimes they’ve finished their homework but sometimes they have to finish when we get home, while I’m preparing supper, then it’s baths and by the time we are done, it’s practically time for them to go to bed. After a full day of school work and homework the last thing I want to do is “make” them learn something else, such as scripture. They are tired of sitting and learning all day and just want to be a boy… that’s it. They want adventure, discovering something unknown, fighting ninja’s around the corner. I’ve never ever considered myself the stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, but my whole view on this has taken a turn and I actually can see me doing it…only by God’s leading and grace! But I can’t right now because I am the only source of income. I want more time to help them cultivate what’s in their hearts that God has given them.
I will be praying that you can do this. I,too, am a single mom of 4 boys, and have been for 7 years. Their dad does not pay his child support, but I have been able to homeschool for 3 years now. God opened doors, and He will for you too! He will show you what to do! God’s best to you! A sister in Christ
do share because i am beginning to think of this but also want to have a good chance to have a life of my own on the side. there are days i just make a “work-free” day. it is a time to just stop and do nothing together. even if it means parking the car by a park/driveway to sit and talk, read together, hug and just be. it give us both strength.
I share the same concerns as some of the other ladies, especially a positive godly male role models for my boys. Their father chooses not to be around (he lives 5-10 minutes away). It sucks all the way around but I keep praying and try to remember to be thankful for the occasional visits they do get.
LaToya´s last [type] ..He loves me, he loves me not!
I am so sorry that you had to experience the loss of your husband. I admire your desire to draw near to Jesus during your mourning time & how you allowed the Spirit to comfort you.
Single women & widows have been on my heart for years. We are starting a ministry at church to help w/basic needs, role models for boys, & encourage them.
I am so thankful for this post today. My heart breaks for my boys because their dad is not in their life. He coudn’t be (ironically the same reason for both my boys birth) and now that he could be – he moved to another state. I know God sees the bigger picture and I trust and believe that His plans are what is best for my boys. My struggles are the same with what the other mom’s said..positive godly male role model, trying to balance it all and doing it all and just feeling so tired most days you just feel like you have nothing left to give. I am looking forward to reading more from Charity!
Welcome to the M.o.B. Society, Charity! I know God is going to use you in powerful ways in this community!
Three days ago I asked my husband to leave after an escalating pattern of abuse. He will be gone at least a month, maybe more, but will still see the kids some. I have several children at home, including a teen son who and a younger son who are often defiant and resist basic responsibilities. My challenge is to take on the extra home duties while trying to instill a culture of peace in our family.
Newly Separated, I have walked a similar road. I am praying for you and your family, for peace, comfort, clarity of thought and mind, strength, and safety. Praying God provides faithful male role models to stand in the gap for your children during the time their father is absent. Do not lose heart!, God is the same faithful father no matter the time, event, or season. <3
My husband died also when my son was 3, I also have 4 girls who are older than my son. The biggest struggles concerning my son is finding a good male who will be there, hang out with him, ect. He lives in a house full of girls and he is now 7, and I am starting to see his need and want of having an older guy to “teach” him how to do guy things and just be there. I have not found a church yet who has reached out to us and helped in any way as far as being there for him or any of my kids, also have even tried signing up for big brother/sister with no luck and try to get him in sports, boy scouts ect but still all involves having me be his main helper, so it’s very frustrating and sad. The plus sides I have seen from his dad’s death is how it changed him even at 3 as far as his (and all my kids) beliefs and trust in God. They are very sad and we all miss Jack very much but we are not mad at God and have learned to trust Him completely. People have said that my son didn’t understand what all happened when his dad died (which was in a car accident, so sudden) because he was so young but I say he understood more than even some adults just by some of the things my precious boy said even at the funeral.
May the Lord continue to give you strength in this life journey. I understand the frustration but i do not give up. God has not forgotten. As for the sports, it takes time. Even with the scouts it can sometimes be hard but give it sometime, as he build relationships with the other boys, it may open the door to see the great men connected to them.
Very encouraged by you…thanks for posting
I know this can be tough journey. thanks for sharing. I struggle with a almost everything everyone has said but i do also can you share how you have overcome the little things and struggles. Your ideas can be a great source to others. I have started doing small and simple “boy-get togethers”. The boys come, talk, eat, play games, and i am finding some men seem interested in being there. If this opens doors to great leadership. Then i am ready to serve them and sit back and let them be. “that is hard when some of the conversations make me want to intervene,but i just pray and trust the Lord because i have to trust and know i will not always be there to help, guide and teach”. I truly have to say they were very good.
I also introduce a lot of boy-type adventure books. My son enjoys reading or listening. So if the book has solid morals. I know there is something good. Please share, i am willing to learn.