I saw it about four times today while I was shopping—the teenage eyeroll. I’ve been the recipient of it, too and, surprisingly, it was in the same context I saw it today.
Mom, holding her phone, asks the son a question.
He responds, pointing quickly at buttons on the phone.
She looks at him, puzzled, and opens her mouth to ask another question.
Then…wait for it—the eyeroll. It happens as he reaches for her cell phone with a sigh that says, “I’ll just do it myself.”
For a while, I just put up with the eyeroll. But it was strange; I felt our roles reverse. My mind went back to the preschool years. I went through all the mental images and stories in my mind, searching for Mom in the midst of an eyeroll.
Nope. Nothing.
So as my son reached for my phone (or laptop or mp3 player), I looked at him and said, “Look, I really appreciate your help. I’m just learning this thing and I do want to learn it. But I don’t appreciate your attitude when I ask for help.”
Another slight eyeroll and shake of the head. “Sorry, Mom,” he said reluctantly.
“No, wait a minute. You know, when you were learning your ABCs, I don’t recall ever ripping the pencil from your hand, rolling my eyes, and saying, ‘Oh, just let me do it.’ Do you?”
He grinned. A little.
“If I had, would you ever have learned to write yourself? So let me learn.”
Now he smiled a real smile. “Okay, Mom. I get it.”
Lessons in respect don’t stop when they’re teens. Sometimes we have to reinforce daily, in small ways.
And without eyerolls.
That is a great way to address the eye roll! Love it {especially since I am the recipient of said eye roll much more often than I care to admit!}
Thanks for this post! As a receiver of many eye rolls, I’m now thinking of new, positive ways to respond.
What a great post, Laura, such a good reminder and so eloquently simply said, perfect.
Charming’s Mama´s last [type] ..Five!
This was great. My boys are 3 and 5 but I’m already getting the eye rolls and the teeth sucking!
LaToya @ Christian Momma´s last [type] ..Story and Snack time
I already get the eye roll from my 8 year old – have been for some time. This makes me wonder if I actually gave him the eye roll while teaching him his ABC’s…..probably not at his learning but maybe at his attitude even then. UGH! Better work on my responses while I help him work on his…..
oh my word, I read the title and thought, “Whew, I’m not the only mom who got the eye roll!” My son just went off to college last week, and I’ve spent much time in reflection as I walk by his empty room each day. You think so much about how you raised them, what you said, how you reacted–it all comes back once they are launched on their own. What wonderful advice–savor each opportunity God gives you to raise and mentor your sons. Thank you for sharing.
Ahhh, I receive the eye roll all the time from the sassy high schoolers I teach. Always good advice, friend.
Amy Sullivan´s last [type] ..On Sneaking Away to Mass
Hmmm, I need to go back and think about if I’ve ever eye rolled with my kids. Ouch!
Jen´s last [type] ..Dancing with the Star & Soli Deo Gloria Party
Laura, thank you!
My current eye roller is a girl, same thing applies though. Unfortunately, I catch myself sometimes rolling my eyes or being mouthy to her (silently and behind her back of course!) LOL I am acting like a teen-ager in my interactions with her sometimes, thanks for calling me to a higher standard!
You are a genius! My teen boys are pretty good kids but yes… I get the eye roll too!
I have to confess though that my own eyes have rolled maybe just the teensiest bit when my teens are not getting something….. ugh. Conviction! Must…. look… at… myself.
Great example of how to “talk” to our teen boys.
The eye roll….hmmmm….yes, it has infested our family lately. Great article…thanks for reminding me of how far we have come…..
As a mom to a son with autism, you want to celebrate the milestones they conquer (especially of being a teenager) and rejoice when they reach ones their schoolmates and friends may have long surpassed, so it was a struggle for me when the dreaded eyeroll and accompanying groan surfaced during my reminder to get the homework done.
I blinked, double-blinked, then sputtered…”wh-what was that?” He looked at me with that innocent face and said, “what??” “That eyeroll thing you just did.” “I didn’t roll my eyes!” “Well, when you make a face like you did and roll your eyes at someone’s remark, that’s eyerolling..” wanting to be sure he understood. “Nope. I didn’t do that.” “Well, just so you know, in this family, we don’t show our impatience by rolling our eyes and groaning loudly. We use our words to say what is frustrating us..” (careful here, mom, don’t undo what you have been trying to do all along…create recognition of social cues in others and himself..) “Yeah, well, I didn’t do that”
“Ok, well if you say that you didn’t…but remember when you were eleven and still upset that you could not tie your shoes? Remember being angry that you could not do it, so I did it for you every day until you learned it?” Thoughtful look at the ceiling, “yeah…” “Did I even once made you feel like you were bothering me or that I didn’t believe that you could do it?” “Um, no….” “Ok then, would you just take a second to remember that patience for other people the next time you are tempted to roll your eyes at them?” “Ok mom…” he says as he goes to do his homework.
Is he out of sight? Yep! Now, how I truly feel? “HAPPY DANCE!!!” My son, who they said would never… would never… would never… has reached and conquered another milestone…so although the eyeroll may rub my intellectual and “miss manners” reasonings a little, the momma in me is yelling “Yippeeee”!