I haven’t had many gentle words lately.
If my mouth really does speak the abundance of my heart, then I’m overflowing with anger and fear, lack of trust and doubt, lack of faith, and a desire to just give up. This is how it’s been of late.
I’m empty and have nothing to give. I’m feeling tired and have been sick. I’m not inspired to write unless I write about how incompetent I feel, and my utter and complete dependence upon a God I don’t feel is hearing my desperate pleas for help.
I went to bed that night wrestling with God. It’s happened before, these times when I know I’m in sin…helpless to change it myself, and I call out to the Lord and tell Him, “I’m NOT leaving until you give me peace!” Like Jacob refusing to let go of God until He blessed Him (Genesis 32:24-32), I tossed and turned for hours pleading with God to give me peace. Sleep found me still pleading with the Lord, “Give me peace! Give me peace!”
A weary mom
I’m weary. Battle-scarred. Beaten down from the fight for my sons’ hearts. I’ve promised God that I’ll never give up on them, never quit, but the temptation to wave the white flag is strong. I’ve come to the end of myself. My ideas for producing change have all failed to move them even an inch, and I find myself wondering if I really DO do my best parenting on my knees.
I’ve screamed, berated, begged, shamed, cried, disciplined, prayed, threatened…all in the name of change. And yet…
In the stillness of the holy moments right before bed, as I lay next to my oldest and see the man he’s becoming, I speak love to him. I tell him that mama loves his head and his eyes, his ears and his nose, his neck and his chest, his tummy and his arms, his hands and his fingers, his legs and his knees, his feet and his toes. I love every bit of who He is, and I love the strong, mighty, awesome warrior man of God that He is becoming. I love his kind heart and I love his protective nature. I love his desire to learn and I love that God has given him the gift of music…all for His glory.
It’s a moment of pure divine inspiration. When God allows two hearts, mama and her baby boy (who’s not such a baby anymore), to align and speak the heart’s language. He glows under the weight of this love, then pauses, thinks, and says…
“I haven’t been so awesome…”
His eyes look down as the shame and godly sorrow that I’ve been begging for come and visit his little heart.
Why is it that love given freely, washed over someone with reckless abandon, does more to change the heart than begging and pleading?
I think it’s because of the Son. The same Son who was crushed and beaten…who looked into the eyes and hearts of those He had come to save and loved them into repentance.
We’ve been loved into repentance. Why then, should any other attempt to change hearts, not fall short?
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Are you a weary mom? Join Brooke and Stacey Thacker, of the MOD Squad (for mothers of daughters) in a joint ministry series called “Hope for the Weary Mom,” beginning Saturdays in November. Stacey will be posting at the MOD Squad and Brooke will post here at MOB Society, rotating Saturdays. Watch for the first post by Stacey on November 5th, and the first by Brooke on November 12th.
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Thanks for joining the M.O.B. Society as we reach for the hearts of our sons. To join us every day, subscribe in a reader, by email or receive updates directly to your Amazon Kindle!
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Are you a weary mom? Check out this comforting book co-written by our very own Brooke McGlothlin. It will be a balm to your weary mommy soul, we promise.
Oh Brooke, I am so looking forward to this project with you! God is so good to bring us together. I know I will be the one blessed when I read what He pens through us!
Stacey´s last [type] ..How Grace Found Me :: {Part 2}
Thank you for this post…it is exactly what I need at this time. I’m looking forward to joining in and following this new project coming soon.
It’s amazing how singular moments can revive your weary heart after hours, days, even weeks of what feels like constant battles.
Thoughts and prayers to you, Brooke.
Jamie´s last [type] ..Random Friday Family News
Sent over from MODsquad and am looking forward to this series. Thank you for the thoughts on freely given love today.
Dani´s last [type] ..Narnia Reading Challenge
Oh Brooke! Thank you for the reminder, once again, that it is His mercy that leads me to repentance. What a powerful snapshot of the truth in our Abba’s word you shared with my heart this morning.Thank you my dear, dear friend. Although we’ve never met, I feel you are my friend. As you pour out your heart on this blog, I am blessed again and again. Stay the course Brooke, there is a great cloud of witnesses surrounding you and praying for you, cheering and rooting for you as you walk the path God has marked out for you.
With many prayers and love,
Shelly
PS you really DO do your best parenting on your knees, as do I!
Shelly´s last [type] ..My crazy week
I’ve been very convicted by my own choice of words and tone lately. I love my children. Why is it so hard to show them that when I am tired, weary, sleep-deprived, in pain?
Tabitha (Growing Up Homeschooled)´s last [type] ..The Incredible Giant Heads
Thank you for your transparency, Brooke. As I figure out how to really embrace having three children, I have felt quite weary. In trying to care for our newborn, I feel like I’ve been so short with my older girls, and only recently started making a sincere effort to play with them and enjoy their company again. I have seen a glimmer of hope spring from my daughters: they feel like themselves again and I feel the beauty of our relationship blossoming. This post highlights how wonderful it is to put forth the effort of love and encourages me to keep going. Thank you so very much.
Laura´s last [type] ..This is HARD WORK!
Oh how I love this post. Just last week my post Keeping It Real…. I shared how I felt. In a nutshell you summed it up I AM WEARY……I love it that you were real in this post. So many times when I read others posts I tend to allow satan to stab at me, they are such a good mother… you never did any of that with your older girls…. you can measure up to that….& on & on. But GOD (love the but Gods in my life) I know that I am who I am because of Christ. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be in this life. All I can do is seek Christ in all I do. Deny myself daily(sometimes momentarily)and try my best to glorify Him in all I do. Do I fail? Yes! Will I fail again? Most definitely! But, I serve a Savior that has new mercies every day!! And I will attempt to in turn show the same mercy, love, compassion and forgiveness to my own children (and my husband too!!)
Thanks again!!!
Piper´s last [type] ..In Remembrance of 9.11.2001…….
Brooke, I’m praying for you and your family.
Jennifer@A Blog of My Very Own!´s last [type] ..Seeing the Lord in everything…
This post really blessed me. We’re walking the same road, it seems. Thank you for sharing your heart so that God could speak to mine.
Kira@Kissing the Joy´s last [type] ..Amazon Mom: Are you using it yet?
A breath of fresh air! Thank you so much, it makes me feel so relieved that I am not the only one who is tired!
Brooke, I so needed to read this today. Some days I’m at the end of my rope with my 11 year old only child. I have struggled with God about my own sin similarly to what you described…it all makes for one weary momma. : ) Looking forward to the posts in November!
Heathahlee´s last [type] ..Tassel Tuesday – New Fall Tassels!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I am at my wits end this week…Moneky has hit the terrible two tantrums. He has me questioning my ideas, thoughts and methods, and even if my decisions on how to raise him are correct. I think and rethink every move I make many times in the aftermath of a fight. I AM A WEARY MOM! I can’t wait for this series, maybe just maybe I will get some idea of how to handle this overly energetic, impatient, loving, little boy of mine!
Missy´s last [type] ..Tuesday’s Toolbox: Jungle Tot book
This part in your post especially spoke to me.
“Why is it that love given freely, washed over someone with reckless abandon, does more to change the heart than begging and pleading?”
Not only did it speak to me about my daughter, but my husband, too.
Brooke…I love this.
That song is playing my head–
“It’s your kindness that leads us to repentance, O Lord…
Knowing that you’ll love us…
No matter what we do,
Make us want…
To love you too.”
Kara @ The Chuppies´s last [type] ..Sharing About Why I Love Adoption–Over at The Better Mom
I am so grateful for this site!! Thanks for your timely advice on loving our little boys to Him…needed it!
Harmony´s last [type] ..Why I do what I Do
Oh Brooke…..I feel like you’re telling MY story here….I’ve felt those feelings, done those exact things…including the sweet special time at bedtime where I poured love all over my boy.
Thank you God that our children are resilient and quick to forgive us. Please give us that quickness to forgive their faults and their fleshly actions, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Steph @ MomKaboodle´s last [type] ..A Different Journey than I Had Planned (Part 1)
Thank you Brooke, for your transparency, your answer to God’s call on your life and the willingness to persevere. As I laid beside my own little boy tonight, because he struggles to fall asleep on his own still (health issues)…I struggled with my own selfish desire to want to flee his room so I could find time for ME…time for this weary mamma of 4 little boys, to just be alone. Instead, I felt like God was whispering….GRACE! Have grace. This is something He has been whispering to me quite often lately with regard to my boys. So, I am now pondering and asking Jesus, what would grace look like for _______? What is the best way I can show each of my boys the love of Jesus? For each one, I’m finding…it’s different. That makes me weary just thinking about it, but it’s what I’m called to do. I love them to pieces and each one is so very different from the next.
I look forward to how God is going to continue working in you and through you. Thank you Brooke!
Oh my, Brooke. It’s like you’ve been by my bedside as I tuck my little one in. He’s getting so big and I am so amazed. I lie and pray for him and we have the sweetest times of soul communion even when I’ve sinned all day with him. Oh the pain. Oh the sweetness. Time to get off my chair and go apologize again and pray with my whole family.
Thanks for sharing.
Adrienne @ Whole New Mom´s last [type] ..Black Friday (& Beyond) Sale! (Books Galore & Great Blogging Resources)
Hello, I check your blogs regularly. Your story-telling style
is witty, keep it up!
http://www.kochi-pta.com´s last [type] ..http://www.kochi-pta.com