Four months we were apart…my husband several states away for a new job; the kids & I left behind to wrap up loose ends that didn’t want to be tied up neatly {a life, a home, friendships, church, family…oh how the ache & pieces of our hearts are still there}.
The threads of our life would keep unraveling at inopportune times, refusing to cooperate as if they somehow knew that once they were settled the finality of a move away from all we know could not be undone.
In the midst of all the change, the hardest part for this momma and her children was the absence of our other half..my husband, their daddy.
I often thought during this time that the unraveling just wouldn’t be if he was able to be there. That somehow his magical way with leadership and logic and trust and tools and wayward sprinklers would mean better results, quicker endings, a smoother reunion of a family incomplete.
And my boy…how he ached for his daddy in ways I couldn’t understand before. I remember before thinking and saying that daddy was the fun one, while I was the mean one. He would laugh and play and tickle and wrestle and play while I followed along smiling, but always trying to control the chaos and get things done with my rules and structure and schedule and talks about right & wrong.
All that is well and good, what a momma is for with our nurturing ways and heart of God shining through to pierce the darkness of our lives and our children’s souls with Truth and Beauty.
But what a boy needs can often escape our grasp…
What a boy needs is his daddy.
To teach him to bring laughter, when sadness overtakes and frustration overwhelms.
To teach him to bring joy, when everything in this world is just too much to handle.
To teach him that rules are fine, but the heart and love behind them is infinitely better.
More often than not, that daddy is not a real flesh and blood man of this Earth. Some daddies are in Heaven already, some are absent by choice, some are fighting for our country and our way of life…so many mommas are left to build the boys that don’t get that daddy relationship this side of Heaven.
As my husband and I spent time apart I tried my best to fill both my role and my husband’s…I wrestled, I tickled, I ran around the house having sword fights, and yes~ I even had burping contests. But most importantly, I pointed my boy to God to fill the void that was left by his daddy being gone.
As I prayed with my boy each night, as I watched he and my husband make funny faces at each other and have their own far superior burping contests over Skype while dissolving in laughter, as I sit now and watch them play fight and make up bad jokes and play rock-paper-scissors for hours on end, I’m so thankful that my boy has both.
Will you join me in prayer for those that don’t and their precious mommas?
God sees you. God loves you. And He will equip you to raise your boys to be Men of God. You can rest in that, even when life seems overwhelming.
If you are a momma and boy(s) without a daddy, will you please leave your name and prayer request here so we can pray over you?
Reading this post tore at my heart! I’m a single mom and my boys don’t have their dad in their life. He couldn’t be around when they were born and now he can and he moved to another state. My heart aches for them, they are missing out on a wonderful thing. I put my trust in God that this is part of His bigger plan, that maybe their dad would do more harm than good at this point. One reason why I press into God even more. So I can be lead by Him and in turn lead my boys to follow Christ, for them to know that they do have a Father in their lives every day who will always be with them. Sorry, didn’t mean to bear my soul – it just came pouring out. God bless you and your family!
Dawn, I too am a single mother. My situation is a bit different. BUT without the consistent love and support of a daddy – it is very difficult on the boys. I KNOW that no one makes up for a dad, but I do try to involve them in as many boy activities as I can, and we are a part of a wonderful cub scout troop that has really taken us in! I do believe that for those of us who are single moms – God is gracious in dealing with us and our boys. And I even believe that other men often step in to fill that gap, and minister to our boys. I am praying for that for you Dawn. I know it is not ideal, but a godly male influence is still possible.
Thank you for pouring out your heart here! I will be praying for you and your boys~~ God is always present and always there to meet every need of your heart!
i am so grateful i can be with my boy and girl every day for long hours. 4 months away from my family would kill me… you are a brave woman and a mom.
dovev´s last [type] ..Choose your mountain bike shoes
I didn’t have much of a choice in being separated, but I could choose my attitude and how I handled it. Not every day was peachy, but I am thankful for a God who constantly forgives and loves!
Very, very true! My hubby was gone all last week and the second he walked through the door there was immediate wrestling and “battles”. Thank you for the reminder to direct our sons to their heavenly Father and to remember our fellow sisters who are parenting alone.
I have to say I am so glad not to have to wrestle anymore. Yikes!
HA! Lindsey, this SO made me laugh!
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
I am a single mom with 2 boys. These boys do have contact with their dad. It is difficult for me to put my fears and concerns into thoughts, and feel like I have protected someone else’s reputation. God knows my need and if you will lift my two boys up – Ian and Kent, I would be very grateful. On a practical note, I have had to resign a lease for a year at our apartment, but I’m desperate to find housing next summer where we will have a yard for the boys to be able to play. This is something I have struggled with for the past 3 years. Thanks so much for this post, and for lifting us up. As single mom’s, we really are desperate for God to meet us where we are, and for the prayers of others. It really is how we get through the days.
I’ll pray for God’s guidance and wisdom when it comes to the decisions you need to make and what you hope to provide your boys. In the end, the boys will remember your grace towards their dad, even if that grace was through silence over wrongs.
Lindsey’s post opened the eyes of several of us, Trena. You single moms are ever in my prayers. Hang on!
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
I am what people refer to in my husband’s line of work as a’ truck driver widow’ meaning you have a husband, but he is hardly ever around. It is not unusual for my husband to leave monday morning-before the kids are up-and not returnhome until saturday. I am the mom of 3 boys-only boys-and I cannot begin yo tell you how hard it is! Especially 3 boys at such different ages! Ours are 13, 8, and 3…this is all they know and it its so difficult for all of us.
I was raised in this situation, and can tell you the revolving door of a truck driving father does take its toll on the children. Unfortunately, my mother and father did not handle the situation very well. My mother became a nagging, bitter woman, and my father became a distant, outsider by choice. They were divorced by the time my three sisters and I became teenagers.
Love is the key, and it was greatly missed in our home. If you have Love, and you and your husband show it for each other and your boys this obstacle can be overcome.
I’ll be praying for you.
Lynda´s last [type] ..Make a difference for all God’s creatures
I’m so sorry, Lynda. I was a product of several divorces which definitely impacted me most of my life and in my own marriage until God saved me. You are so correct that love is the key~ love grounded in the Father can overcome any past, present, or future challenges!
I agree, Lynda — love, love, love!
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
Wow, I cant imagine being separated for so long during the week! I applaud you for managing your life and household and boys! I’ll pray over your marriage, that it can remain strong and true in the midst of distance.
Thanks so much for sharing this! Going through the EXACT same thing right now. We have three children, but one of my two boys is displaying this ache so clearly. He wears his daddy’s jacket to bed at night. He cries and tells me that he misses daddy because daddy is the one who always played with him (I’m thinking, what am I chopped liver??) But I completely understand all of this. I tend to get wrapped up in my own emotional turmoil while trying to live life as though I am a single mother, and yet thinking all the while that if we were just together these messes would not be happening! But it reminds me that the children are struggling too… with a concept that does not QUITE make sense… why can’t we be with daddy yet? While I sort out all of the ends to be tied.
Skype was a lifesaver for us! Don’t know if you can do that, but they would call him every few nights, even for just a few minutes, to laugh and make jokes and read bedtime stories. Will be praying for you!
My thoughts and prayers go out to those struggling without a strong father figure for their boys (and girls!). I’m blessed with a wonderful father for my boys and there’s not a day goes by that I’m not grateful to the Lord for that because I can see what a difference it makes. And as they get older, I find myself going to him more and more to help me know how to reach them, what to let go, and what to be firm about.
But there is all hope in the Lord! I was blessed with a strong father figure and losing him a few years ago was a real blow. 27 didn’t feel old enough to be fatherless! I felt weak, vulnerable, and lost. But I, personally, have found so much comfort in finding the Lord as a true father-figure. In reading the bible and coming to understand my God as my Father, understanding His constant strength, His comfort, His discipline…it’s really enriched my life and my relationship with Him.
Jamie (va_grown)´s last [type] ..Let’s Par-Tay!
This brought tears to my eyes~ I can’t imagine loosing my daddy yet. We had such a difficult relationship for so long that has really only ben redeemed in the last few years, and I am 35! I feel like we are making up for lost time.
Thank you for this. I have two boys ages 5 and 2 and their dad is rarely around even though he only lives 5 mom’s from us. He doesn’t call either. It’s very hard. My oldest is often angry and upset but can’t tell me why. There are no other males in their lives and i pray daily for a godly man to be there or for their dad to get himself together. Thanks for the prayers.
LaToya´s last [type] ..Hiatus
I’m so sorry for this…I know what it is like to have a daddy absent for so long and the confusion and anger that comes with that. I’ll pray for God to show you ways to bring Godly influences into their lives as a support group. Perhaps YMCA or Big Brothers? Local church with single ministry and/or youth group?
Oh, LaToya — praying with you that the Lord will provide godly men to mentor your boys. Maybe someone at church? Blessings on you!
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
My son was without his daddy for 6 years–completely without him while daddy was in prison.
It’s so hard to watch them hurting.
It is, and what a hard thing to try and explain to a child. I’ll pray that your husband’s heart has been redeemed and over their (and yours) renewed relationship as a family.
Am a mom of 2 boys(14 & 10). Their dad has decided 2 b a women chaser. In my opinion, hes not adding any value 2 my childrens lyf. Av tried talking 2 them. The older one seems 2 understand but the young one doesnt. My prayer is that they will eventually appreciate my effort. I dont want them 2 lead the kind of lyf their dad is living. I want them 2 grow up into godly men that I will b proud of. That my prayer. Their names r Arnold and Anderson.
Josephine, I am sorry for your experiences and pain! God will redeem, keep trusting! I’ll be praying over your boys, and my daughter asked specifically to pray over them nightly in her journal. Her little heart is broken over them not having a daddy!
very moving post. i would like to leave the name of my very good friend, Amanda. i’ve forwarded her MOB posts before, but do not know if she reads them. i would love if you would lift her up in prayer.
she is a married, mother of 3 little boys. however, her husband is on his 4th deployment overseas. she just moved on base in kentucky and, judging by her posts on facebook, is having a difficult time. she is an amazing woman and i take every opportunity i can to remind her of that. i pray her her peace, strength, endurance, and even sanity in this time of upheavel and uncertainty for her family. thank you for praying as well.
while i have 2 boys and my husband at home, this post was a great reminder of why my boys need their daddy. thank you!
I will be praying for Amanda~ I can’t even imagine. I kept telling myself that at least it was only four months…I had an end date that was somewhat reasonable, you know?
Karla, I’ll join you in prayer for Amanda. She’s blessed to have a friend holding her up in prayer.
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
We are in a similar situation as you, Lindsey. We just moved in the middle of May and my husband was temporary transferred with his job in June. He’s been gone for almost two months and may have to stay until the end of November. Even finding time with other boys to play with is very difficult.
I’ll be praying for you Jenni! It was one of the hardest struggles of our marriage for sure! What was key for me was forcing myself to schedule 1 or 2 playdates a week with other moms/friends. Made me get out of the house for community and gave my kids an outlet. We also spent a lot of time at the Chick Fil A playground and the swimming pool. If all else fails, EXHAUST them! Ha!
I loved this “God sees you. God loves you. And He will equip you to raise your boys to be Men of God. You can rest in that, even when life seems overwhelming.” … It is so often something I need to hear and remember. I am a single mom to a 13 year old boy (and a 16 year old daughter). My heart has ached for what they did/do not have as a father in their lives and have prayed for God to fill in that gap. The emotions and the effects run the gamut … my prayer is that we find a way to make peace with what is not and live in the peace which is His. Great post Lindsey!
I need to remember too! Trust me
And yes, the peace over exactly what God has given us and trust in His path for us is so important (and so hard to accept sometimes!)
Oh I have tears in my eyes. I am so thankful for the Daddy of my boys. The best Husband and daddy I could ever imagine. So important to remember we need them, the boys need them.
Great post!
Dani Joy
Dani Joy´s last [type] ..Our New Church Building
I’m so thankful for my husband as well~ God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me my husband!
I am a single mother raising one boy by choice. I was far away from God when I met my son’s father, and feel he is having to pay the price for my bad decision.
I see my son hurting for a decent father figure and have gone to the male members of my church for help in this area. To no avail. To say that I am hurt by the stigma, judgement, and/or misunderstanding of my request is putting it mildly.
There aren’t many single mothers at my church. I’ve tried not to make assumptions about the strain between the members of our church and my son and I, but it has been difficult.
I am happily single for now, waiting for God to send my help-mate in His timing. My prayers are for my son to learn patience and self-control through my example. I lean on God for everything. And, as hard as it is to admit, people have disappointed me so often that I’ve pulled away from most relationships because of this.
My request is for prayers that this does not make my son pull away from others, and that God will guide me to a church that will fill our needs. Fellowship with other Christians is so important at this stage of my son’s development. He is 9 almost 10, and needs to know he is on this planet for a purpose.
Lynda´s last [type] ..Make a difference for all God’s creatures
Oh goodness, it is so hard when you feel like you don’t have a support group around you that can help guide biblically and spiritually! We just moved away from our family and church family of 5 years, and we’re feeling this struggle too with not knowing anyone yet and not having a grounded church home. It can be a challenge to find the right fit in a church; I’ll be praying for that for you. Have you considered searching around for a church that has a single mother’s ministry? You can find out via most websites and calling…and you don’t necessarily have to switch churches to be a part of the ministry.
It’s so hard to be hurt by God’s people…but it does keep our eyes on Him. I’m praying that He’ll lead you to a great place of fellowship for you with love and concern for you and your boy.
Laura´s last [type] ..Books, Friends, and a Good Meal: Friday’s Fave Five
I’m a single mom whose ex-husband decided to get into drugs and women when I was still pregnant with my son. At 6 weeks we left due to abuse, so I’m raising my now 7 year old son and 8 year old daughter on my own. Their dad has sporadic contact with them, and my son is often missing his dad lately since his school friends get to do things with their dads. Between working a full time job and juggling the other responsibilities, I admit I’m often too tired to get down and play with my son in the evenings. Please keep me and my kiddos (Michael and Sydney) in your prayers as I struggle to be both a mom and dad to them, and feel like I’m failing constantly. Each night I pray God will protect them from the mistakes I make, but still feel guilty for the hurt my kids go through from missing their dad. Thanks for this post…such an encouragement!
I’m so sorry for the struggles you are experiencing, and will pray you can feel God’s loving and ALWAYS present arms wrapping around you!
After the birth of our first child my husband and I lived apart because of his new job a state away. It was so difficult. I hated it.
To read so many mothers who have spouses in the military or who are mothering without a spouse… I am praying for you ladies.
The mothers that visit here in this space, we share our hearts together, we mother in many different ways and in many different situations. I praise God for so many willing to comment from where you/we are because we can’t understand unless we listen to each other.
I’m learning so much from your voices and stories.
Thank you.
Praying over everyone this today.
Thank you so much for your comforting words. I became a single mom to my 16 year old son in January when my husband of 22 years made some midlife crisis decisions and divorced me. It is a very difficult and devastating road but the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. My son is angry and does not want to see his father. For those who are divorced, there is a nationwide Christian support group that is so helpful http://www.divorcecare.org/ They also have groups for your children. Praying for you all.
Jenny´s last [type] ..Cast a Vision for the Man He Can Become
Shari – son, Rodney – his father was killed in November 2008 – I’ve recently remarried and am thankful for the man my husband is in my son’s life – God has put me in a place to minister to single moms and I’d like to ask prayer for them too
Frannie – three young boys: twins in first grade and a two year old – divorce
Carli – twins, 18 months old – divorce
Carli -
Our story is similar to yours, dad moved several states away for a job… we were left to finish up here. And then the let down… dad is gone with a new family and I am a single momma with two great boys and a precious girl. All without a daddy here. It is amazing how God lifts us up in these times. We have a connection to our heavenly daddy that cannot be broken. My boys (and girl) have their granddaddies too. I try not to forget that they can have a good connecton there also. Thank you for your prayers – we are not just surviving but also thriving
I am not without my husband today but life in the military means that more often than not I am without Daddy for my 3 boys! So thankful for Skype! As my 10 year old gets older its gets harder. Asking for prayers for Zachary, Isaiah and Noah.
My husband is in Afghanistan. We are only 6 weeks into our year long term and raising four beautiful boys who love their daddy so deeply and miss him beyond words is, in a nutshell, emotionally trying. Lots of tears, yet, as stated above, it gives me opportunity to point them to an even greater Father that never leaves them or forsakes them. Grateful that his mercies are new every morning.
Colten – 7
Wyatt – 5
Easten – 4
Hunter 2 1/2
2 little boys at home with me while dad is deployed. Thank you for your prayers.