Today is link-up day…
But I would like to do this a little bit differently than we have in the past. Can I give you a theme? Could I do that? Because I have a theme on my heart and I’m desperate to know your thoughts on it.
What’s that? You’re ok with a theme? Awesome! (I knew you would be…)
I read a lot of success stories online. Moms telling other moms what works for them and sharing their secrets of parenting wonderful children.
What I don’t read are the horror stories. Moms telling how their plans for a wonderful devotion time went right out the window. Moms sharing about how their fabulous plans to share Lent as a family crashed and burned, or how they forgot it even was St. Patrick’s Day, much less creating wonderful ways to celebrate it. Moms sharing about how they’re absolutely worn out by the Tazmanian you know what otherwise known as “little brother” that resides in their home {Oh wait, those were all me}.
I don’t see a lot of moms sharing their failures, foibles and flops.
But I need to.
One of the reasons Erin and I created the M.O.B. Society was so that moms like us could have it in writing that we’re not the only ones whose sons act the way they do. We need to be real with each other. And while it’s vitally important for us as moms to share what we somehow manage to do right…it’s equally important for us to know that we’re not alone in our failures.
So for today, instead of sharing ways that we get it right, let’s be honest and shares some ways that we’ve gotten it wrong. Let’s all benefit from each other and share our struggles with raising godly men (and maybe even what our flops have taught us along the way).
If you have a post on that subject please link it up below. (If you don’t, share a story in the comments). It can be a recent post, or a (not so) recent post. No restrictions except that it be based on the Truth of the Word and be specifically about your (failed, foibled or flopped) attempts to raise godly men.
(Looking for a great resource on raising godly men? We recommend Plants Grown Up, by Doorposts.) Link up!
We have the Doorposts “Plants Grown Up.” –It is an excellent resource! Thanks! I am about to write up a blog post about Operation Failure!
—I mean, who DOESN’T have them once in awhile???
Jessica S. @ Mother of Action´s last [type] ..This Homeschool Mothers Journal- 21 Mar 2011
An interesting project that has created a bit of retrospective thinking. In our home my husband does not participate much in the moral, ethical, and education of our children. What I learned about boys growing to be godly men comes from book and mistakes I have made.
1. Not knowing how girls are different from boys. Dr Dobson book about boys may have saved the lives of my boys.
2. Not realizing that boys have tender side and not cultivating that also.
3. Not establishing my authority in their lives. “Because I said” is important for all of us to learn. But it sounds so harsh.
4. The tightrope that comes with parenting 16-19 year old males without demasculating them. My eldest is 19 in a few months, I hope we both live through the coming years. And there are 3 more behind him!
A resource that has helped me tremendously are the books, articles and websites written by home school dads. They help me retain my sanity and understand my boys in a way I could never do in my femaleness. Learning what is “normal” in the male make up is like learning another language.
If I could have a wish in this journey it would be for more godly men willing to teach classes to a group of boys. Nearly all of their learning encounters are with women.
I definitely agree that there should be more Godly men willing to mentor boys…
Jessica S. @ Mother of Action´s last [type] ..This Homeschool Mothers Journal- 21 Mar 2011
I think this post is the ultimate life with boys stories: http://www.themacboys.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/poop-on-the-ground-looking-like-a-fool-with-poop-on-the-ground.
Enjoy!
Okay that didn’t work. Try this
http://Www.themacboys.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/poop-on-the-ground-looking-like-a-fool-with-poop-on-the-ground/
Heather´s last [type] ..90 second rule
I don’t have a post ready to link up, but boy do I have enough material for one!
How about getting mad about a lunchbox while running late in the morning and forgetting to have before-school prayer time and your son comes home with a bad behavior note and says he couldn’t behave all day because you wouldn’t pray with him…
Funny thing…the worse I feel about something, the more other people are usually telling me it’s not that bad, don’t worry about it!
I linked up an older post (Whammy!) but I have so many current examples of “failures” its not even funny. Most recently, making shamrock shaped sugar cookies for the boys’ school and which I dropped on the way into school – shattered shamrocks! Also, I’m still working on patience. There are times when I realized, in hindsight, that I should have extended grace instead of yelling, or I should have spoken more directly and softly. Every day is an opportunity to learn, grow and do better.
Courtney´s last [type] ..We Walked
My link-up isn’t necessarily about a flop with raising boys as much as a flop getting my to-do list accopmlished. I am always so torn between the people and the tasks.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Educational Foundations
I have failed my boys more deeply than dropped cookies or forgetting morning prayer. I am not criticizing those failures. How I wish I was making those failures! I am heartbroken over decisions my oldest is making. I have failed by either keeping too tight a grip, or not enough of a grip. I have seen rebelliousness towards the Lord, and everything that we have instilled in my oldest son as he has grown. Did I fail by letting him download songs on his iPOD that I wouldn’t listen to? Did I fail by allowing him to dye his hair black? I thought at the time,it is just hair. Did I fail by trusting him to be where he said he would be and later find out that he wasn’t? Most of all, did I fail by allowing him to have a “smart phone” when he upgraded and as a result, he downloaded apps that were not good for him? They encouraged his thinking that he was “gay” and encouraged him to look for others that shared in this lifestyle. Did I fail by not pushing my kids into sports, when they were fighting against it? We had them all involved when they were younger, but once they were old enough to make their own choices, they opted not to participate. We live in a small town and I feel like this has hurt them. Some are participating in other activities in school. Did I fail by not calling the police early on when my oldest son became violent and destructive? Did I not allow him to experience natural consequences because I was trying to protect him? Did I fail by not keeping him in a mental facility longer when he had made so many suicide attempts? Did I fail his younger brothers by not doing these things as every outburst he has made has had a negative impact on them? Did I not pray hard enough, or long enough? What is wrong in my life that I am dealing with these failures? Yes, at some point, they are accountable for their choices and their actions, but where have my failures come into play? I am sorry, dear sisters, for posting such a depressing post, but this, right now, is my life. Thank you for your prayers.
I am so sorry that I vented in my earlier post. I also didn’t mean to come across as downplaying what others had posted. I have been struggling with no one to talk to and just “vomited” all over everyone here. I want to ask you other moms, and if any of you are moms of teens, I would LOVE to hear from you. And even if you are not moms of teens, please give me your opinion. At what point do you “let go and let God?” We have entrusted our children to the Lord. They are His, afterall, and not ours. Our sons have all placed their faith in Him and trusted Him as their Savior. I don’t understand what my oldest is doing. I know in my heart of hearts that the Lord knows everything that is happening and knew this would happen. I pray every day that He will protect my son from the enemy. I know nothing is too small or big for God. I just am in shock most of the time, and cry and pray. When my boys were all toddlers, I never in a million years could have predicted that we would go through this. How am I going to make it? How is my oldest going to make it and how is the rest of my family going to make it?
My heart hurts for you Susan. And your family. Satan has really been at work in your family. And it looks like you have made some really bad decisions. It’s sometimes easy to see mistakes we made in retrospect or the mistakes in other people’s lives. I am learning from the mistakes I made with older children and watching the other parents in my community parent in transparency. The transparency is hard to find as most people hide their problems.
Technology – while not from Satan it is certainly used by him for evil. So, managing this thing that can be used for great good has me making hard decisions that many in my circle think are “too strict”. Some parents can’t be bothered. The younger moms think “my child wouldn’t………” until they, and their kids, and their families are reaping the hard lessons not learned. It is hard to have an older child go down a destructive path with younger children watching.
I have told, and will follow through, that if one of my olders is committing grave sin they will not be able to live in my house. Managing my own feelings while they traverse the early adult years is a balancing act. Lately my mantra has been “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.”
Obviously you are seeking for all the things you did wrong. I would seek for the things you, or others, have done right. You raised your son to know truth. If he decides to abandon God’s teaching and your teaching that is his decision. And he should suffer those consequences with mitigation from your family until he repents. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Is a hard road to hoe. Who you need to protect are his younger siblings.
Have you visited the Focus on the Family forums? You may find more specific advice there. I am sorry for the problems you are facing now. Know that others are going and have gone through similar things.
not with mitigation, but without mitigation until he repents.
Susan my prayers and heart go out to you. I have an adult child who is walking in the world. I failed him while he was young. His father and I divorced when he and his twin sister were 6. I remarried a man who today is a Godly man but was an alcoholic when they were growing up. It wasn’t until they were in Jr high that we began going to church. Then when they were graduating, at a time that is so special to them I had an affair and wasn’t there for them. My husband and I reconciled and God blessed us with a boy. A promise God had for my husband and myself for reconciling. My son has no relationship with his father. My husband is good to him and they get along great, but there has never been a stable Godly man in his life. My son is a very intelligent man but not motivated. So at the age of 27 after he lost his 4th job we gave him a year to get out of bed, find a job and get out. After that year we asked him to move out. Of course he told me, “you’re making me homeless?” I told him, “no, you have made yourself homeless.” He left with a hardened heart. He lived in a garage for 2 years in a house that partied day and night. He know lives in an apartment with a roommate who is in the military. They still party, but I have hope that my prayers and God’s promises that he will become the man God designed him to be. Should that not happen in my life time, I will continue to pray, seek God’s comfort and grace and know that God’s grace is sufficient for me. It hasn’t been till lately that God has asked me to begin a relationship to build him back into the man God intended. I am doing this by having lunch with him, going places with him, and finding out what he needs, likes and desires are through these encounters. The first thing I needed to do was ask him for forgiveness. He accepted it. Now it’s just a matter of letting him know I care and I NEVER tell him to stop drinking, or things I don’t like him to do. It’s all positive. From asking him about the music he listens to to the bars he goes to the people he knows. I’m building a relationship back into one he will trust and respect me in. There is a book that I have found solace in a book by Ruth Bell Graham who had 2 prodigal sons. It is called, Prodigals and Those Who Love Them. It is an encouraging book for those of us who wait. Find his love language. Get the book The Five Love Languages for adult children by Gary Chapman and love him through that. Also the book Power of a praying Parent by Stormie OMartian. Just never cease to pray and love him. BLess you.
http://doubledeesinsc.blogspot.com/2011/03/life-lesson.html
Dawn D´s last [type] ..I Want What I Want When I Want It
Marion, thank you for your response to my posts. You said something that my Christian counselor said to us, we have done everything that we can and we have raised him with Christian values and morals. We have set restrictions and limitations and have set rules. The limits and rules have been pushed and broken. Groundings occurred when this happened and then he started escalating and fighting us, verbally and physically and started running away and attempting suicide and announcing his alternative lifestyle. It is hard to let them go and to make mistakes. We pray that he will fall flat on his face and reach up to God, and he has been flat on his face several times. I am praying scriptures outoud in hopes to drive the evil one away from him. I know my son is hearing him whisper lies in his ear. Thank you for your words of encouragement.