What are you aiming for?
When your boys disobey, disrespect, are unkind… When they seek to understand what’s important… When they notice girls, cheat in school or fight on the bus…when they’re seeking marriage, failing in school or deciding whether to have sex for the first time or not…
What are you aiming for?
I want their hearts. No behavior modification or fad parenting of the day. No, I want the hearts of our boys…because God wants the hearts of our boys.
I’m aiming for the heart.
But how?
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matthew 23:27-28, ESV)
Looking at parenting through the lens of these verses has changed everything for me…
You see I was a Pharisee. Boy was my cup clean on the outside.
But on the inside? On the inside my cup was filthy…full of all uncleanness.
I had everybody fooled. Even myself. I believed that if I did good things, it made me good. Actually, it’s probably closer to the truth to say that I believed that if I didn’t do bad things, I wasn’t bad. I didn’t know that no one is good. I didn’t really understand that everyone sins. And I didn’t understand the depth of my own sin until the Lord showed it to me.
Question: In our efforts to raise our sons are we teaching them that if they do good things they are good? Righteous even? If we teach them that being good is all it takes…if our discipline and training focuses on their behavior…how will they know they need a Savior?
Are we raising little Pharisees? Or raising Godly men with a heart for God?
If a Godly son is your goal, you must aim for the heart.
Because unless the heart is changed…touched…the behavior will stay the same. It might look a little different…morph some as they grow. But behavior is always a symptom of the state of the heart. What’s in the heart, comes out.
“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)
Ask yourself these questions:
- What parenting tools have I been using that only focus on changing behavior and not the heart? Am I willing to lay them down…even if they produce what looks like a good child?
- Reaching a child’s heart takes time. Behavior modification is much faster! Am I willing to change things about my life so that I have the time to invest in the hearts of my children?
- Most importantly: Am I willing to submit my own heart to God and allow Him to mold me from the inside out?
Shepherding our boys is not for the faint of heart ladies! Once a week or more I’m tempted to just throw it all out the window (including the boys…) and take the easier path. So what keeps me going?
I want their hearts. Just like my Heavenly Father wants mine.
What are you aiming for?
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In his book, Shepherding A Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp teaches parents how to aim for the heart. My husband and I have found it invaluable to us as we aim to shepherd our sons’ hearts to understand their need for a Savior.
Shepherd Press has graciously agreed to give away a copy of Shepherding a Child’s Heart along with their follow-up book Instructing a Child’s Heart to one of our readers. To enter just leave a comment. And if you just can’t wait to get your own copy, order them straight from the M.O.B. Society resources page.
We hope you’ll join us everyday as we aim for the heart. For free updates consider subscribing to the M.O.B. Society in a reader or by email.
I’ve heard of this book, but never read it and would love to. I had a friend recommend your site today and so I checked it out. Great article with lots of food for thought. I have a 3 year boy–we’re working on obeying right away, so this article is very helpful in reminding me to aim at the heart, not at the actions. Thanks so much.
This post spoke right to my heart and right to where I am at with my two boys. I would love to read this book. Thanks for the post!
Sue´s last [type] ..And then there was one…
You have no idea how much your one article just spoke to me in a huge way. I NEED to change a few things about my parenting style with my boys (2.5 years old and 4 months old). I am desperate to read this book and all I want is to reach my sons hearts… I’ve been much to focused on just his behaviour. THANK YOU
That was such a good post. I want my children’s hearts. This is a great reminder to tie some heart strings tomorrow.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings
Honey
To be honest, I don’t feel like I’ve done a good job shepherding Jonah’s heart today. Oh how hard this toddler stage is! (Probably the same way God feels about my stubborn behaviors) Thanks for the reminder Brooke!
Sara´s last [type] ..$10 DIY Mannequin Tutorial
WOW….I am really good at finding new methods of behavior modification and finding discipline that fits the “crime”. I would even say that I have prided myself on my well-behaved children. But now I realize that it all means nothing if I am not reaching their hearts and turning their hearts towards the Lord. No wonder this behavior modification has to be applied time and time again….I want my boys to have a heart for the Lord. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement!
I agree with that, but sometimes wonder HOW to get and keep their heart. Thanks for this blog, I am really enjoying it.
Sometimes I feel as thought I’m not doing a good job shepherding my 9-year-old. He has gotten into a sassy, snappy, smug age, and I often go for behavior modification rather than heart shepherding. I need a copy of this book, and I hope it’s not too late, since my boy is nearly a pre-teen!
Well put, Brooke.
I pray for transformation of my boys hearts daily since it’s the one thing I can’t transform myself. I can request, command, cajole and coerce good behavior; but I’m powerless to change the neediest part of their lives–their hearts. As a matter of fact, gotta go plant some seeds of brotherly love, right now:).
Thank you, Shellie
Would love a copy of these books.
I’ve heard so many good things about this book and would love a copy.
With two boys and a third on the way, I was really excited to find your blog!
Greta´s last [type] ..Testosterone, and Lots of It
Thank you for such a wonderful post. It’s an awesome reminder after a week I’d rather forget. My husband and I actually listened to Tripp during a conference at our church once – he’s WONDERFUL and that book – priceless – for mothers of boys and girls.
Lindsay´s last [type] ..Frazzled Friday
I would love this book! It sounds like something I can really learn from.
EnjoyBirth´s last [type] ..I promise the snail did NOT explode in the microwave!
I certainly need to read this book.
Thank you very much for your insight and obedience!
i love this post! so true. tripp has been such a challenge to me both re parenting and change that takes place in my life…and that of younger women i mentor. aiming for the heart instead of the “outward appearance” is a challenge for this since-childhood-pharisee.
How do you get the heart of a two-year-old? In some ways, it’s easy. You already have it, they want to please you for the most part.
I’m struggling with mine because there’s some issues where behavior modification is kind of a necessity for safety reasons. Like when they refuse to hold your hand in the parking lot, or worse, take off running. Or run away from you in the store.
Their heart longs for adventure, for exercise, for exploration. And I want to foster those desires, but still keep him safe and close. When I try to correct him…it’s screaming, laying on the floor, crying, squirming. This is something I really don’t understand how to correct. My husband is for spanking (I’m not against it, I just don’t know how to go about it in a public place)…other friends have suggested leashes which is something my husband is totally against. I just don’t know how to discipline, keep him safe, keep him from running off…and he’s too big and heavy for me to carry. And how does all of this relate to his heart? Any tips? thanks.
Aprille´s last [type] ..What I Did ~ October 2012
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